“If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?” – Bette Midler

I asked women to recall the most erotic, exciting, surprising sex they’d ever experienced. Here, the little tricks and tweaks that made it to each of their personal halls of fame.

1. “One time, my boyfriend undressed me, but only from the waist down, and had me lean out the window, smiling innocently to passersby, while he was thrusting away from behind. It was mind-blowing.” – Devon
2. “After sex, I like to lie on my stomach while my boyfriend lightly traces the curve where my butt meets my thighs. It’s so sensitive there, it really heightens my after-orgasm.” – Kylie
3. “It’s so sensual to watch a kneeling guy give me oral without using his hands. It makes me feel very empowered and my orgasms are always at least two times stronger. And, of course, I love to return the favor.” – Shannon
4. “One guy sat me down in a chair and gave me two full glasses of water to hold. I didn’t understand why until he started going down on me and I realized how helpless I was to use my hands – so hot.” – Rhonda
5. “While he’s sitting, I lower myself on top of him, facing away, then spread my legs and bend over so my head touches my knees. This creates a taut channel inside me that feels amazing.” – Jenny
6. “Right as I climax during oral, I like my man to dig his fingernails into my butt, then rake them down my thighs. It really intensifies the explosion.” – Josie
7. “I love it when my man takes me from behind up against my mirrored closet. My breasts plump up against the glass, and the surface gets foggy from our breath. It’s like watching ourselves in a steamy movie.” – Jenna
8. “I had crazy-good sex standing in the ocean. He held onto a float that was behind me, I wrapped my legs around him, and the cresting waves added to the ecstasy.” – Emma
9. “Tie me up with your clothes as you strip – your tie binds my wrists; your belt, an ankle; and so on. It’s crazy sexy.” – Stephanie
10. “Use your mouth on one labia while using your wet fingers to massage the opposite one. It’s like there are two men working on me at once!” – Ellie
11. “Drag just the tip of your teeth along my skin… everywhere. Exhilarating!” – Paula
12. “I like to strip down naked except for a long string of pearls. I adore how they roll across my nipples and the rough feel when they get squashed between me and my boyfriend.” – Brenda
13. “I love getting oral when I’m kneeling and he’s lying with his head propped up on a pillow.” – Dana
14. “One boy and I would go for very long drives – we’d pull off on a deserted road, and he’d do me on my lap. The strange locations added a delicious thrill.” – Angie
15. “The best place to have sex is on a tiled floor, like in a bathroom. It’s hard, but the tiles grip your flesh in unexpectedly erotic ways.” – Christina
16. “Lightly hold my boobs with one hand, and firmly grip my butt cheek with the other to control the pace however you’d like!” – Annie
17. “At the completion of oral, my boyfriend smiles at me and makes an ‘mmm’ noise. I get wet again just thinking about it.” – Corrine
18. “I love to sit with my legs crossed Indian-style, then lie back and let him thrust from on top. He has to dip into the triangle created by my legs, and the pressure around his pelvis is amazing.” – Theo
19. “No girl ever turns down a good old-fashion cunnilingus – but if he can make me come by just massaging me through my clothes? That’s a feat I’m not likely to forget.” – Crystal
20. “I love it when my boyfriend calls me at work to say he just slipped into bed, smelled me on the sheets, and had to please himself right then and there.” – Delilah
21. “There’s nothing like feeling both my fingers and his fingers inside me at the same time. It’s kind of like we’re holding hands – only about a trillion times sexier.” – Nina
22. “I like to lay my boyfriend back and sink myself onto his penis – but I do it excruciatingly slowly, stopping every inch or so to look at him wickedly, feel him getting harder and me getting wetter.” – Zelda
23. “One guy asked to give me oral while I was on my hands and knees. The awkward position – I had to get on all fours – made me focus and take in every second of what he was doing to me. It was awesome.” – Terry
24. “I like to squeeze a pillow between my knees while we’re doing it doggie-style. It makes a tighter fit for my boyfriend, and I feel like I’m floating.” – Elena
25. “I like to get on top, lean back on my elbows, and lay my legs over his shoulders. He gets to see every inch of me as I gyrate. So sexy!” – Lena

Have a wicked week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Want to turn her on even more? A scalp massage after you do it is heavenly because by then, all the blood had rushed to her head.

“To dare is to lose one’s footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose oneself.” – Soren Kierkegaard

A recent study proves what you’ve always suspected: when lights go down, you feel instantly bolder, more mysterious, and yeah, deliciously wicked. My suggestions will help you take full advantage of this brazen vibe. There’s new research that your inner bad boy (and your partner’s inner bad girl) can relate to. A study in Psychological Science found that people are more likely to cheat at a game or with money if they are in dim lighting. Okay, that’s pretty specific… and I’m not suggesting you hit the switch so you can swindle. But researchers who worked on the study did conclude something interesting you can use: when the lights are dim, people feel more anonymous and are more likely to try daring things.

Of course, you’re pretty fearless to begin with, but even gutsy guys can use an edge. Here’s a list of stuff to do in the shadows – some bold challenges, others just for naughty fun with your partner.

1. Your Jay Z and Kings of Leon addictions have you itching to sing something sexy in public? Grabbing the mike in a dimly lit karaoke bar will help dissolve your inhibitions since you can’t see anyone in the crowd (or their reaction to your talent).
2. Using a single candle to set a burlesque mood, surprise your partner with a night of romantic love.
3. Watching a graphic sex scene with your partner can be as awkward as it is erotic. With the lights off, you don’t have to maintain your poker face.
4. Go to a sidewalk café with your friends for a late dinner (just as the sun is going down). Everyone’s always out and about, so shamelessly check out all the girls who walk by and play shun, shag or marry. That’s not cheating, that’s just testosterone-boosting.
5. Plan a beach day with your partner, but instead of heading out in the a.m., go in the late afternoon, and stick around after sunset so you can flirt more than usual.
6. Next time you’re at the movie theater, surprise your partner with an inner thigh massage (don’t forget which side of you she’s sitting on).
7. Bubble baths and naughty fantasies go together like champagne and, well, anything. Light candles, then lower yourselves into the tub. Now take your imagination where it’s never gone before.
8. Invite your partner over for a blackout version of truth or dare. Pull the curtains so you can barely see. When you’re feeling a little more risqué, it’s way more fun.
9. Shut off the lights, and try Skype sex with your girlfriend. Since you’ll be in a shadowy room, you won’t feel too self-conscious. Plus, you won’t have to worry about evidence being left behind since Skype can’t record.
10. If you have two left feet, take your partner to a barely lit club that plays relaxing music so you can slow dance. Knowing you can’t be seen will loosen you up, and you’ll both feel more relaxed and romantic.
11. Go skinny-dipping with your partner. No explanation necessary why this is best done under a black sky.
12. Most restaurants keep the lights low, but some keep them particularly low. Search Yelp.com to find a spot that people say is great for romantic evenings, which is pretty much code for extra dark. Take her there for your next date, and do naughty things under the table.
13. Hit a carnival or amusement park at night, and ride the biggest, baddest roller coaster there. Scream your head off and pump your adrenaline to a maximum. The sex session that night will be wild!
14. On a moonless night, strip and lie naked with your partner on a plush towel or blanket in the privacy of your own backyard. All types of caresses allowed.
15. Most playgrounds are deserted after 8 p.m. Take your partner to one, and have fun swinging and running around. Oh, and the slide? It makes a pretty good place to lie down for some quick kissing.
16. Sharing the wild stuff you’ve done in the past actually brings you closer as a couple, but it can be hard to admit your craziest antics without worrying she’ll judge. Lie next to her in your dark bedroom, and let her in on the fact that there’s still a lot she doesn’t know about you. Hint: leave out any story that involves an ex.
17. Feed each other ice cream. Not being able to see means more spilling, which means more licking up the mess.

Have a sensual week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Undress each other while it’s pitch dark. This way you’ll have more fun and the fumbling for buttons and braw strips will increase your excitement.

“Sex is perfectly natural. It’s something that’s pleasurable. It’s enjoyable and it enhances a relationship. So why don’t we learn as much as we can about it and become comfortable with ourselves as sexual human beings?” – Sue Johanson

Have you wondered what it is that makes sex feel so amazing with one woman, while with another (however much in love you might be) it’s just a bit, well, meh? Nothing can give you greater sexual confidence than knowing that when your body comes together with hers it creates sexual fireworks. But why is it better with some women than others? Why do some couples almost explode with ecstasy when they make love?

A study recently published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine revealed that most women do find it easier to orgasm if their partner’s penis is on the large side. But it’s not as simple as that because, just as the male anatomy comes in all shapes and sizes, so does the female anatomy. Bigger is not always best- it’s all about how your bodies fit together. Good sex can even keep a couple in a relationship. I’ve met women who have stuck with men who aren’t right for them much longer than they should have, because the sex was so hot.

Sizing up

Penis size, shape and width varies as wildly as breast size. The average member (when erect) is 14cm in length and about 12cm in girth, with most men falling within 5cm either side. Less than 7.5cm is considered a ‘micro-penis’ while anything more than 16.5cm is large. Penis enlargement surgery is on the increase – but while The Journal of Sexual Medicine study did find that women orgasm vaginally more easily with a larger member, it doesn’t tell the complete story.

What constituted a large penis is subjective. Some men have slight bends or a bulbous tip, and these things can make him feel bigger or smaller – depending on the position – than someone who is technically the same size. The same goes when it comes to girth: a small, thick penis can feel bigger than a long, thin one. A University of Ulster study concluded that the women involved were more orgasmic because a larger penis will stimulate the entire length of the vagina and cervix. But fingers and an optimum sex position can do the same. With a little trial and error it’s quite possible to enjoy all the sensations of mind-blowing sex – and without any discomfort – whatever your size.

It’s what’s inside that counts

I’ve pointed out that, like men, all women are different down below – but essentially we work the same way. Most vaginas are 7.5-10cm in length and 2.5cm in width when not aroused. When aroused, the top part of a woman’s vagina tents or opens and the cervix and uterus lift, making it about 12.5-15cm long. Some women are slightly longer, wider, or have less muscle tone than others.

Women often worry men will think they’re not tight enough during sex, but experts say this is a common misconception. The chances of a woman being too big for sex are slim. The same goes for being too small: we’re pretty classic. When the vagina is filled – with a tampon, finger or penis – it will expand to fit the size, and mold itself around the width of the object.

The warm-up

As every good chef knows, the success of the main course depends on a lot of careful preparation. A woman can get her body ready to have the best response to your penis. There’s no fail-safe guide, but a little experimentation should help discover what works for both of you.

1. Prime her G-spot. Despite what producers of porn will have you believe, an overly large penis is actually more likely to leave a woman gasping with pain than pleasure. The key word here is foreplay (as with all penis sizes) – in particular, stimulation of the G-spot. A study by New Jersey’s Rutgers University found that a woman’s pain threshold increases by 47 percent if her G-spot is stimulated. This rises to 107 percent if she has a G-spot orgasm. The G-spot is on the front wall of the vagina, a few inches up. It feels rough – a bit like a walnut – and swells during arousal to the size of a 10-cent piece. Insert two fingers about 4cm into her vagina, resting your other hand on the front of her pubic area. If you press her stomach, just below her belly button, this will push her G-spot down to reach your fingers. As you do this, grind your palm into her clitoris.

2. Prepare for entry. A penis that’s long and thin tends to be more flexible, so it’s the perfect size and shape to tickle a woman’s anterior formix erogenous zone (AFE) – a bundle of nerve endings about 5cm higher than the G-spot. Touching this spot will make her ready for sex in as little as 10 seconds, as it sends sexual arousal signals direct to the brain. No matter what size you are, you will need to go long to prepare this sweet spot, as it’s quite high up in her vaginal canal. Bend her legs up towards her body and insert your index finger into her vagina. If you move your fingers about 5cm past the G-spot, you’ll find a spongy area. You’ll know if you’ve found the right spot because she’ll get instantly wetter.

Have a sweet week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. If you pack a wide load, you’ll need to ease your entry since a wide penis stretches the vaginal opening and puts pressure on the perineum. Try some lube!

“Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly.” – M.F.K. Fisher

You learn a lot about someone when you share a meal together. If your date makes the experience uptight and restrictive, well, the sex is going to be horrible too. Eating is best when there is spontaneity and variety. Even if you’re a type A, and many things in your life are about control and domination, eating should be a submissive experience, where you let down your guard and enjoy the ride.

I for one don’t have much patience for people who are self-conscious about the act of eating, and it irritates me when someone denies themselves the pleasure of a bloody hunk of steak or a pungent French cheese because of some outdated nonsense about what’s appropriate or attractive. Stop worrying about how your breath’s going to smell, whether there’s beurre blanc on your face, or whether ordering the braised pork belly will make you look greedy or fat. Eating with abandon couldn’t be more of a turn-on: it shows that you’re comfortable with yourself.

A perfect date is with a person who eats without fear, prejudice, or concerns about her appearance. I remember one of my first dates with my partner: he ordered a six-pound lobster. I sat there, enraptured, watching him suck every bit of meat from it – he got a standing ovation from the floor staff. He’s the kind of man who will order filet mignon as an appetizer followed by a T-bone steak. His fearless, open-minded approach to food is completely alluring.

A table for two

It’s also wildly exciting to be open to the unfamiliar, because it just might be delicious. And I know not everyone can travel the world, but wherever you are, you can explore. One of the best things about cuisine these days is that you can ‘travel’ the world without leaving your town. From vibrant Korean food, to amazing Vietnamese recipes, to fantastic South American and Mexican dishes, you’ve got plenty to choose from.

Don’t worry about the wine list, the white table-cloths, the long tasting menu. Eating with a loved one, as is the case with making love, is about having a self-indulgent time. Don’t worry about how you look and don’t try to impress the waiter with what you know. You can eat with a fork, or even with your hands. It’s all about the enjoyment of the moment and the company and food. And if you can be yourself slurping spicy peanut noodles in front of another person, you may have a keeper.

I promise you will go to a more intense place with your date if you try something new. You don’t bond with a safe order. I’ve eaten fermented shark. I’ve eaten cobra heart. I don’t want to experience these foods again, but I’m glad I tried them. What’s the worst-case scenario? You spend some extra time in the bathroom. (Admittedly, not a turn-on for most people.) But you’ll have a good story to tell. You’ll share an experience. And, maybe, you’ll change your palate forever.

For a dinner date, I eat light all day to save room, then I go all in: I choose this meal and this order, and I choose you, the person across me, to share it with. There’s a beautiful intimacy in a meal like that. It’s about exploration and taste. And kissing after dinner. And maybe there’s a little wine and curry on your breath… and that’s nice.

It’s only when you open yourself to the adventure of the unknown, the strange, even the shocking, that you get to enjoy the sensual, passionate, joyful experience of sharing food and a drink. And it sets the stage for whatever might follow.

Sexiest foods (and why they’re turn-ons)

• Peaches. They’re beautiful objects with so much flavor and juice. Damn sexy.
• Pasta. The Italians have it exactly right: a big family-style, eat-when-it’s-ready meal.
• Lobster. Because eating with your hands is incredibly sensual.
• Caviar. A woman eating fish eggs? Oh my God, sexy.
• BBQ. I’m not saying eating barbecue is the way to achieve world peace, but it won’t hurt.
• Ragu. A simmering red sauce and a hank of meat: smells, sounds and tastes like good cooking.
• Steak. Animal protein is a beautiful thing.
• Korean-American. Current obsession: raw beef with uni (sea urchin), served on a shiso leaf.

Have a delicious week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Take your partner on a dinner date and put her to the taste. How at ease is she when it comes to eating with you, no strings attached?

“Only the united beat of sex and heart together can create ecstasy.” – Anais Nin

Remember when getting away for the weekend was the perfect cure for couples in need of a little ‘us’ time? A romantic jaunt out of town, away from friends, family and pot plants, once meant that there was nothing to do but each other. These days, most of us have a stowaway in our pockets that comes along for the ride: a smartphone. With its addictive Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram apps that we feel totally complied to check whenever we get a free 30-second window, a device designed to help people stay in touch can ironically be a connection killer for couples – not just on holidays, but also in everyday life. So, does your relationship need a social media detox?

The Digital Divide

It’s no longer unusual to see a couple sitting across from each other at a nice restaurant, staring down at their iPhone screens instead of each other. Is this third wheel in the modern relationship making it harder for you to connect? I’ve seen many couples struggle with the issue of one or both partners being distracted by technology. People are often not truly present when they are with their partners, because they are constantly checking their phones and not really being in the room with them. Many people feel they aren’t connecting to each other anymore.

The digital divide isn’t the only side effect a serious social media habit can have on your relationship. If both you and your partner are frequent updaters, you might know so much about the minutiae of each other’s daily lives that there’s nothing left to talk about when you’re actually together. It can get quite boring if you know exactly what your partner has been up to all day – you’ve got nothing more to add. You can lose a little bit of mystery or romance.

The Offline Solution

So, could swearing off social media for a few days as a couple be the new weekend escape? I’m definitely in favor of the idea. I can’t think of anything that is good for you if you indulge in it 24/7, and social media is no exception. You need a break, so that when you do get back online, you can see what works for you and what doesn’t. Going offline for a short time might even make you realize that your shared digital addiction has a significant impact on your relationship.

Going tech cold-turkey

In order to test this theory, I gave one couple (Seb and Justine) a mission that they (somewhat begrudgingly) accepted: to abstain from using any social media for a weekend to see if it has any effect on their relationship. Will they strengthen their bond and feel closer? Or –gulp – realize they have nothing to talk about?

The rules: neither partner is allowed to access Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, Foursquare, Pinterest (you get the idea) for a whole weekend. It’s not a total technology ban: they can both still use the internet and send or check emails – but only if necessary.

Justine told me how it all went down:

“Seb and I are several-times-a-day users of Facebook and Instagram, and I occasionally go on Twitter. Sometimes at night Seb goes into what I like to call a “Facebook trance”, where he sits there for over an hour reading other people’s updates, clicking on links to articles and watching funny videos.

Day One: We started on a Saturday morning. Usually the first thing I do is turn off my alarm clock and check Facebook. I had to force myself not to look, but after that it got easier. I noticed Seb struggled a bit more than me, as he always needs to be occupied somehow.

Day Two: I do feel like we talked a lot more than usual. We went out for breakfast on Sunday morning, and while waiting for our food (a time we would typically check our phones), we were chatting. I started to think, ‘Wow, this is really working!”… and then Seb’s phone rang. There is no total escape!

The verdict: A weekend was too short to really affect our relationship, but since our ‘social media escape’, we’ve decided to check Facebook and Instagram less on the weekend, to make the most of our quality time together. When we were out to dinner the other night, we both put our phones away and talked about our days instead. It was so fun.”

Therefore, if you’re on a bus or train, then sites like Facebook are great, but if you’re with your partner (or anyone else) and you’re in a Facebook trance, it becomes anti-social media. And that’s really not what Mark Zuckerberg had in mind.

Have a quietly happy week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Also, constantly checking your phone means you’ve got a need that your partner’s presence can’t fulfill!

“One whiff of him and her libido went first-grader on her: hand raised, butt dancing in the chair as her hormones screamed, “Pick me! Pick me!” – Coreene Callahan

She usually wants to climb you like a tree, but all of a sudden, meh. Before you turn her over to the Berman sisters, consider these common desire-killing culprits.

1. Morning chaos. Her boss’s 9 a.m. status meetings… a full load of papers to file before noon… a pre-work doctor’s appointment… knowing she has a jam-packed morning to contend with all make her worried and wired the night before – and that shrinks her desire. When a woman is stressed, her body pumps out the hormone cortisol in response to the flood of anxiety. And managing stress is a more pressing demand on her system that getting turned on. The night before a crazy a.m., invite her to write a to-do list for the next day to give her a sense of control and order. And if at all possible, bump up booty a few hours to an earlier time in the evening, before she’s too racked with tension to enjoy it.
2. Spinning class. A cycling session can leave her with more than just jelly legs. A recent study from The Journal of Sexual Medicine found that female cyclists who rode with their handlebars lower than the seat developed diminished sensation where it counts. When the handlebars are positioned below the level of the seat, you’re forced to lean forward, so that can put pressure on the pelvic floor. Early signs of excess pressure are tingling and numbness, and over time, the vagina can become less responsive sexually. Whether she pedals in the gym or on the pavement, make sure her handlebars are level with her seat, which should be wide without any cutouts. Her bike has the narrow, pointy kind? Hit up a bike shop for one that’s female anatomy-friendly.
3. Taking a drag. Smoking is a vasoconstrictor, meaning it reduces blood flow throughout the body, including the blood that heads to our private parts when we are in the mood. Without that rush of blood, a woman won’t lubricate as much and her odds of having an orgasm may go down dramatically. She might think she has a good reason for needing that cigarette, but I doubt it’s worth losing an O over.
4. That fourth drink. You know that time she felt insanely hot and bothered after a few too many beers… then passed out cold during the cab ride home? A bellini or two can be a libido booster, sure, but there’s a tricky tipping point that sets the opposite effect in motion. A small amount of alcohol enhances blood flow and decreases inhibition, both of which make a woman feel more aroused. But alcohol is a depressant, so too much eventually slows down her responses and puts her brain and body in a fog. To keep herself lightly buzzed without losing her lady-bones, help her experiment to find her drink threshold – or just make sure she sticks to no more than one per hour and a limit of three per night. After that point, alcohol’s downer effect will drain her erotic energy.
5. Dehydrating meds. You already know that some meds, such as the Pill and antidepressants, can decrease her sex drive. There’s another drugstore offender: antihistamines. They clear congestion by drying up your nose’s mucous lining, which is why they’re found in cold and allergy formulas. But they can also decrease secretions in the vaginal lining. When your partner is unusually dry, it doesn’t necessarily mean that her body is saying she’s not aroused. Next time she needs to buy allergy pills, get a container of lube too. Problem solved.

 Have a loving week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. As you can see, even certain healthy habits can have mood-busting side effects, so make sure none of these will ruin your partner’s libido.

“All her life she’d be warned that men were slaves to their desires, that they held their impulses in barely controlled check. A woman – a lady – must be very, very careful of her actions so she did not put spark to the gunpowder that was a man’s libido.” – Elizabeth Hoyt

Some women’s libidos are like bank accounts, sometimes they aren’t as big as you’d like them to be. And at some point in every relationship, yours will likely be out of kilter with your partner’s. If your girlfriend is showing signs of a weakened libido, try these quick fixes to have her wanting to do the deed just as bad and just as often as you.

A table for two

 Firstly, if you’re raring to go and your partner is torn between you and repeats of Friends, do this little trick: pass your arm around her shoulders so that she can get a quick sniff of your armpit. I’m as serious as a tsunami, let her breathe that pheromone filled smell of yours. The University of California has discovered there’s a compound in male sweat that can radically alter sexual excitement in women.

If that doesn’t blow her hair back, perhaps she’d feel more favorably towards cucumber? It’s one of the most effective scents for boosting a lady’s arousal, according to the Chicago Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation. They also discovered that whiffs of doughnuts, pizza, strawberries and popcorn increase penile blood flow in men. Margaritas and Krispy Kremes for dinner? Winning!

If you really want to kick it up a gear, serve chocolate for desert. This tricky little treat contains phenethylamine, the chemical our brains produce when we fall in love. And if she’s not a sweet tooth, try a handful of pumpkin seeds, brazil nuts or almonds instead. They’re all high in arginine, an amino acid that increases the level of blood flow in the genitals. That’s right – just like Viagra, only crunchy!

There are plenty of other morsels on the menu, too – Thai green curry has been shown to improve sex drive, as has porridge, which helps rebalance estrogen and testosterone. Red meat might even help her hit the high notes – it contains a protein that boosts the level of dopamine and some other fun stuff in the brain, which help heighten sensitivity during sexy times.

Trick her body and mind into wanting to do it

 Bud sadly, there are times not even a Sizzler buffet will do it. Whether she’s feeling stressed or just a little bit down, relaxation is paramount if you want your partner to get into the rude groove. Even something simple like having a bath can help- studies show steam helps naturally increase a lady’s sex drive. You can go out for a walk while she’s relaxing with bath oils, sexy foam and lit candles. Reports show that the vitamin D in sunshine can boost a man’s testosterone by 69 per cent. Yes, 69 per cent! There couldn’t be a sexier statistic.

And if none of that works? You’ll have to bring out the big guns… By which, of course, I mean push the breaks on intercourse altogether. It sounds counter-intuitive, but it’s like telling a toddler not to touch a pie straight out of the oven. As soon as it’s off-limits, it’s the one thing she’ll want to do.

Have a sensational week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Did you know that one in four Indians takes medicines for better sex? The interesting thing is that they don’t necessarily have to be Viagra or anything of its kind. Indians consider even milk and turmeric as sexual performance enhancers.

“Our sexual energy and spiritual energy are one and the same. That’s what people don’t want to recognize. If you study anything about your mystics, it’s what they’ve experienced. If you know anything about these things, you know you move with that sexual energy because it is a creative, divine energy.”- Deepak Chopra

Ever feel like your libidos are stuck in separate lanes? Hers in hibernation while yours in full blaze? You’re doing that delicious thing to her neck with your mouth that always turns her lower body into molten lava… but her body temperature has barely gone up a single degree? And come to think of it, she hasn’t experienced that fevered, must-have-sex feeling in a while.

Before you freak out and think her lack of readiness signifies your relationship is circling the drain or her sexual plumbing is seriously messed up, keep reading.

The fact that your sex drives don’t seem to be on the same page may simply be a matter of… different sexual personalities. In order to connect with your partner on a deeper level, you have to get in harmony on this aspect as well. If you know your partner’s sex style and in which ways it is similar to yours (or opposite), you can meet her halfway and have that amazing sex you so often dream about.

Find her libido type and match it with yours

1) If she’s a sensualist…

She uses sex to express her love. She’s a hopeless romantic that craves lots of eye contact, deep kissing, foreplay and post-coital cuddling. To put it bluntly: she doesn’t have sex; she makes love. In order to truly arouse her, you have to go for quality, not quantity. If she wants to meld and you want to “slap that ass”, there’s a problem and she won’t be satisfied.

If you’re not really in the mood to be creative, romantically speaking, go for the basic moves, but couch them in a dare, so that she gets the feeling that they’re boundary pushing; for example, tell her you want to climax simultaneously during missionary.

From time to time, go for a quickie. You might wonder why I’m advising you to this, since it’s not exactly the definition of romantic, sensual sex, but bear with me. In her eyes, having a quickie means you’re so attracted to her that you can’t wait; you want her right then and there. A quickie will offer the physical connection she craves (with more urgent kisses and touching), minus the drawn-out pomp and circumstance.

Also, don’t forget to zero in on her hot spots. While you’re doing this, go for some aural sex. A few affirming words will turn the passion button on and set the pace. Nonverbal mimicry also works. Match her movements so she can better understand how turned on you are.

2) If she’s an adventurer…

She believes that if the sex isn’t the point, neither is the relationship. She measures her pleasure by sexual enthusiasm and variety (in positions and changes of scenery). While most women get nostalgic over their first kiss, she gets wishful over her first rug burns. The conclusion? She needs a partner in crime who is not afraid to try everything.

Therefore, given the fact that she uses sex to express her love, she might tire if you always feed her spooning vanilla. Try some role-play; it will please both your palates. It indulges her inner risk taker, and you’re also connecting emotionally- especially if you say you only want to do this with her. Other sex moves to try with her: PDA, learning to say erotic words in a foreign language, mutual masturbation, even seeing how long you can drive each other mad doing everything but the main event.

3) If she’s a pleaser…

She gets off most by controlling the action and gratifying her partner, even if it means putting her own needs on the back burner. Plumb your sexual potential by keeping the lights on during sex. Seeing and being seen means you get the full-on eye contact you crave, while she’s able to lower her inhibitions because she feels a rush from seeing your pleasure and the way you react to her moves.

Be careful though: being generous in bed is one thing; doing so because she has a tough time letting go and fully surrender herself to her own pleasure as well is another. What you have to do is treat her with arousing touches: during foreplay, move slowly. Indulge her need to be touched by rubbing her scalp (it’s loaded with nerve endings), her feet, and massaging her back. As for during the act: 69, anyone? She’ll enjoy the fact that she’s pleasing you with oral and you can return the favor in the same time.

4) If she’s a thinker…

She loves to fantasize, but stress (either about her performance or her body) sometimes torpedoes her libido, so she needs reassurance. You want sex to be all-consuming, but while you’re doing it, she’s actually all-consumed with… the size of her bottom. If you notice that she’s consistently shooing you away because she’s feeling blah, try arousing her by subtly tapping in to things that have turned her on in the past- a particular song, a spice simmering in the kitchen, and then let nature take it course. Her innate anxiety will soon be a matter of the past as well.

You can also quiet the naysayer in her head by milking the atmosphere to get her into the right frame of mind. How can you do that? Unwind with a ritual. Give her a massage with steamy towels; this helps her relax and rediscover how amazing her body can feel.

Have a crazy sexual week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Women’s sexual styles ebb and flow with experience, so make sure you’re always pleasuring her to the fullest. Thus, you’ll soon be in complete sync.

One of the most important aspects of maintaining a regular, healthy sex life is timing – something that is based not just on your ability to gauge your environment and your wife’s responsiveness to your flirtatious advances, but on her monthly cycle and other cycles of time that govern your every day. What do the days of the week have to do with love and sex? Our day to day experiences have lasting effects on our circadian rhythms, which inform how we feel and interact on a regular basis.

Weekly

Sunday: Take your time waking up on Sunday mornings and enjoy some extra time snuggling in bed together. You will likely spend most of the day planning and prepping for another busy week, getting important things done around the house, so savor the time you have together in bed. Make plans for “date nights” and other intimate time to spend together during the rest of the week, after consulting your calender so you know what your schedule will be for the coming days.

Monday: Expect today to be exhausting, and if you have a few extra minutes to spend with your lover, it will be a wonderful surprise. Take the opportunity to send her a sexy email or leave a short phone message, just letting her know that you’re thinking of her, perhaps reminding her of something sex that happened over the weekend and how enjoyable it was for you, and building some anticipation for something romantic or sexy planned for later in the week.

Tuesday: The next few days are going to be focused on the all important business of keeping life running smoothly. If you really want to do something to turn your wife on today, help her out around the house somehow. Do something to make her life easier today and it will pay off tomorrow, I promise.

Wednesday: It’s humpday! Even if all you have time for today is a quickie, go for it. Hop in the shower together first thing in the morning, come home for a nooner on your lunch hour, to slip is a few sexy moments before the kids get home from soccer practice. It doesn’t have to be mind-blowing sex… you don’t even have to have sex, if you spend some time getting each other worked up. Make out like teenagers, enjoy some oral or manual stimulation, or get quick and dirty up against a wall!

Thursday: Today we start to make plans for the coming weekend, sum up our projects at home and at work, and try to get all the difficult stuff out of the way so you don’t have to worry too much about them on Friday. This is another great day to spend some time simply helping out around the house. Clean up the bedroom so you can enjoy some sexy, relaxing alone time in a clean and sensual space. Wash the sheets, freshen up the place with flowers and candles, you know the drill.

Friday: You may both be running an autopilot today, just waiting for the work week to end. If you are going to be spending your time daydreaming anyway, why not spend it daydreaming of each other? Start the day off right with a sweet little note, and heat things up throughout the day with increasingly more intimate and suggestive text messages or emails. If you have the chance, get online with each other mid-day so you can talk about your plans for the evening, even if those plans are simply to sit down after a good meal and watch a movie together. You may just want to relax with a massage and a bubble bath by the time the day is over, but at least you’ll be able to relax together talking about all your sexy plans for tomorrow! Get ready to really enjoy yourself!

Saturday: Today is your chance to release all of the pent up energy throughout the week. Depending on your wife’s cycle throughout the month, the way your Big Sexy Plans play out will vary, not to mention your own personal preferences and predilections.

Monthly

Early on in her cycle, romantic time together is important to help initiate/support your emotional bond. Whether she is currently menstruating or a few days past, she is likely to appreciate kissing and cuddling more than anything too kinky… but of course take her word for it, not mine! Talk to your lover about how she’s feeling!

As she nears ovulation, she is likely to be more frisky, more sexually assertive, and more interested in certain kinky kinds of play. Play it by ear and let her call the shots. Everyone knows people get a little crazy around the full moon! After ovulation, as she nears menstruation again, she may feel some anxieties or a decrease in assertive attitudes. If she wants you in control, show her you can be strong, supportive and sexy to finish off a great month of love and romance!

The libido is often discussed as the body’s internal fire, it’s heat. In different ancient health and sexual traditions, four different “fires” are identified, each associated with a different need, a specific human desire and requirement for human connection. Love requires communication and connection on several levels, which can be broken down into these four categories as well! Think of this as your guide to connecting with your lover in order to light all of her fires. Getting turned on isn’t just about igniting the passions in the loins…

Attention

This is the first step to any interaction – in order to be able to communicate effectively with anyone, you need to be assured that your lover is paying attention to you, and vice versa. Look your lover in the eyes when she walks into the room. Listen to what she has to say and respond accordingly.

This is your “lizard brain” fire, the flames of your instinct and the coals that keep the home-fires burning. Without paying attention to each other, none of the other flames can be sustained. Talking to each other and sharing your love for one another requires focus and intent. Find it and use it.

Affection

After you have caught your lover’s attention, or she has caught yours, you have the opportunity to share affection. The simple, casual touch, the hugs and kisses, the easy phrases like “I love you, honey” allows you to express your love through physical means. The fires of affection are your digestive fires and cooking or serving your lover an incredible meal is a great way to begin expressing your affections.

These fires are also your hottest sexual flames, what we normally recognize as the burning heat of the libido. They require tending to reach maximum potential, which means paying attention to your health, your sexual desires, and nurturing the sexual affection between you and your lover! Touch each other regularly throughout each day, both sexually and casually, to foster increased intimacy and love.

Appreciation

The fire of appreciation is the heart need associated with the voice, with the lightening of the body and our ability to make connections with each other on a mental and emotional level that reaches beyond the mere physical experience. This need burns in the heart and bubbles up from the throat every time you make sounds of pleasure during lovemaking, sighs of contentment in your lover’s arms, or words of comfort and connection when you feel lonely or need to feel close to your partner.

Appreciation is about letting your lover know not only that you are listening and that you are physically connected as with the first two fires, but that you feel her input is worthy, her experience is important, her words and actions are vital to your existence. She needs to know that she is not only wanted, but needed. Your words can be incredibly important at this step, but even if you struggle to express yourself as eloquently as you may like, a few acts of gratitude can go a long way. What kind of reciprocation allows her to feel appreciated – buying her flowers, drawing her a bubble bath, taking her out on the town, writing her a love letter, slow dancing in the living room, a home-cooked meal, a night off from family duty? Whatever it is that allows her to feel like her life and her work at home is valued, give it to her and spark that lightening between you.

Acceptance

The final of the four fires and the four needs of the heart is acceptance. Your lover wants to know that she is accepted as she is, loved for who she is and how she looks and what she does, unconditionally. Showing unconditional love can be difficult because, to be perfectly honest, our love is often conditional. It isn’t that we stop loving someone when the conditions are unfavorable, but it can become increasingly more difficult to express love as we face the challenges in our relationship.

The first thing to go is often acceptance – we begin to feel isolated and alone. She may feel that you don’t understand her at all, and through lack of understanding have rejected her in some way. Perceived rejection leads to feelings of being under appreciated. When we have these feelings of fear or doubt in our relationships, affection is the first thing to drop off and often attention lets up without us evening noticing. The next time things get rough in your relationship, ask yourself…

• When was the last time you told your wife how much you love her, no matter what?
• How long has it been since you did something special for her, just for being her?
• How often do you touch each other each day?
• When was the last time you looked at your partner in the eyes?

If you have a hard time answering any of these questions, it’s time to take a good hard look at your relationship and rededicate yourself to connecting with your wife on every level in order to recommit to love and intimacy.