Think you know everything when it comes to fun between the sheets? Those ‘moves’ of yours might just need updating…
Life has, thankfully, evolved from the dodgy times of decades gone by, but are you holding on to other bad habits from your formative years? Often the sex you had back then is similar to the experiences you’re having now, which results in your partner not being as satisfied as she deserves to be in bed. People develop a pattern of sexual technique from their first experiences in adolescence. Even though it’s hard to change those behaviours when you’ve been doing them for years, it’s necessary if you’re making mistakes that are having a negative impact on your sexual happiness. Fortunately, there is always room for change and now there’s also a step-by-step program to it. Pretty much like a shortcut to reclaiming your place as the master of her vagina. Here’s how to right those sexual wrongs, one by one.
You talk at the wrong time
Opening the lines of communication in a relationship is key to good sex, but pick your moment. Post-sex, rather than pre-sex, is the time for honest analysis. The best thing a couple can do in bed is talk to each other. After-play is as important as foreplay – sharing sweet nothings and really communicating.
You expect fireworks every time
Just like life, not everything will go to plan every single time between the sheets. So don’t worry about worrying about it. It’s not entirely helpful to focus on what is “wrong” and “right” in bed – it’s too judgmental. For good sex, just concentrate on what feels good for both of you and talk, talk, talk! That way, you will be having great sex far more often than you were previously. Remember: no couple has fireworks every single time. We all enjoy sex at 70% capacity a lot of the time – and that is perfectly fine.
You’re stuck in the same position
Think you know what you like position-wise? Try something else – just in case your needs have changed over the years without you realizing. Switching positions is vital if you don’t want to get into a rut. Couples can all too easily end up having “Groundhog Day sex” – same time, position and place every week. Mix it up – look up new sex positions on the internet, write a description of each one and put them in a jar. Take turns to try out one of these new positions each week by picking one of the notes.
You think toys aren’t for couples
Sex toys aren’t just for single women or to be waved about at hen dos – they can greatly enhance sex with a partner. Many women struggle to orgasm through intercourse alone – but that’s reduced when a vibrator is used during foreplay. Around 80% of sex store customers are couples. Not sure where to start? Magic wands have large heads used to stimulate the clitoris and other external erogenous zones. Many women say they give more powerful orgasms than conventional vibrators.
You’ve not learned about her anatomy
As obsessed as men are with women’s lady parts, it’s really a surprise you don’t spend almost any time thinking about how your partner’s body really works, but a quick refresher study session might just be needed. There’s a real art to giving a woman oral sex. Everyone is different and their tastes change but, on the whole, it needs to be done extremely sensitively with most of the activity concentrated on the head of the clitoris. Similarly, there is a real technique to effective oral breast sex, just as there is with any other kind of sexual activity, and it’s one you can learn easily if you listen to your partner and respond to her wishes and requests. Unsure? Just ask her – most women love giving ‘directions’.
You’re too focused on penetration
Just because an intimate encounter doesn’t end in full sex, doesn’t mean it’s been a failure. Men are rather too focused on intercourse even when, for many women, this is not always the most enjoyable action. This obsession with penetration also places an immense burden upon you to gain and maintain erections, because you feel as though successful sex hinges upon you staying hard. And, with a bi percentage of men having struggled to develop or maintain an erection, then it’s time to shift your attention to the pleasure of being close to your partner physically. Try taking penetration off the menu one night, and exploring other touches and techniques that make you both feel good.
P.S. It’s okay to admit you don’t know everything. After all, that’s the trick to learning new things. And who doesn’t like new things when sex is involved? Update your sexual map, start your new journey here and give your life between the sheets the boost it deserves.