Can’t recall the last time you and your partner had sex? You’re not alone. A new study found that 53% of us want more sex, but being busy, a lack of confidence or having a higher sex drive than our partner has led to a lack of action between the sheets. Countless couples complain of losing the ‘spark’. The initial, potent sexual chemistry dampens down when you become familiar with each other. But you can still remain romantic, it just requires more of a conscious effort. Tonight is as good a time as any to get things hot again. Spend some time with each other to talk about, and work on, ways of recharging your relationship. And, while at it, check out this program called Sexual Vitality by my talented and passionate friend Susan Bratton, an initiative meant to rekindle your sexual routine and even take it to a new dimension.
TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT
Good sex takes time and energy. You have to make an effort. Do something fun away from your normal daily routine, such as taking a cooking class together or going to a new restaurant. This helps you see your partner in the same light that you saw her at the beginning of the relationship.
TAKE NOTICE AGAIN
Feel like you’re two people just sharing the same space? Make a point of welcoming her when she comes home, look up from what you’re doing and really say goodbye when she leaves. In long-term relationships it’s easy to slip into complacency. Don’t take her for granted. Humans are fragile and like to be acknowledged.
Not talking to your partner, let alone ripping each other’s clothes off? Keeping lines of communication open is key. Relationship troubles can contribute to loss of sexual desire. If you don’t feel listened to, respected or important, it can dampen libido. But there’s no point in trying to have a meaningful conversation when you’re waiting for the plumber to come. Set aside talk time and respect it.
SHARE THE SAME BEDTIME
Go to bed together. This builds physical and emotional intimacy. But ban social media in your bedroom. It kills intimacy.
FOCUS ON TOUCH
If you’re ready to get intimate again, don’t rush into sex. The importance of touch means more than just sex. Try holding hands, cuddling, stroking or simply sitting on the sofa with your feet in your partner’s lap. Connecting through the body is so important to retain closeness in a relationship.
GET HANDY AT HOME
Sharing a project with your partner gives you a shared sense of purpose. Improving your bedroom together can be a sexy job. Even just removing clutter can have a huge impact on the harmony of this special room.
CHANGE YOUR POSITION
Still having sex, but just going through the motions? Change your position with ones that helps you feel more connected. Any position that allows you to focus on your partner’s face is an opportunity for more intimacy. Woman-on-top is ideal.
PLAN AN AL FRESCO TREAT
Make the most of the warmer weather. Outdoors, where we can hear birds sing and sense the wind against our skin, we may experience a heightened sense of physical sensation. Often the best part of having sex al fresco is the planning, so put thought into how to make your encounter romantic. Bring a rug and it will also look like a picnic rug if you need to hastily rearrange yourselves as passers-by approach.
If you have a sexual fantasy, speak up. If she seems in a playful mood, let her know you have fantasies about her, like you two are ‘strangers’ who bump into each other and really fancy each other. Keep it simple and ask if she has fantasies she’d like to share with you. Too shy to tell her face to face? Text instead. We’ve got all this technology so put it to good use. Sexy texting is a fun tease. This is especially good if the sex has stopped totally.
GO ON A ROMANTIC ADVENTURE
Sensuality is the key to hot sex in long-term relationship. Once a year, have a weekend away dedicated to sex. Buy a book of new sex positions and put it by your bed for you to try.
P.S. Sex, like everything in life, takes practice. If you want to go back to those hot first times in bed over and over again, practice Sexual Vitality and you will always be ready for the next level.
For more juicy tips on how to recharge your lady’s libido, check out my program on the matter, Flesh on Flesh.