Are you experiencing a sex drought in your relationship? Here are a couple of tips to get back in the game.
The excitement is always palpable in a new relationship. Right from grooming, to paying attention to your outfit or tiny details for those dinner dates and movie nights, the enthusiasm constantly keeps us on our toes. And while you and your partner are still discovering each other’s habits and behaviour patterns, the sexual chemistry with a new beau is probably the highlight of the relationship. You look forward to a romp between the sheets, and are never too tired or bored to get into the mood. You think you’ve aced it, till you fall into a rut, and your partner’s presence becomes part of your routine.
Perhaps other priorities occupy your headspace or life, or you may be too stressed at work, but whatever it is, you start to taper off and sex is no longer a priority. In some cases, the situation worsens until you realise you’re not having sex at all! Dry spells are normal, no doubt. A survey conducted earlier this year by Swedish intimate lifestyle company LELO in the United States, discovered that 28 per cent of the population is going through a sex drought. Of this, 31 per cent are not focused on sex, 25 per cent are in long-distance relationships, and 24 per cent have busy work schedules.
You might think you are stuck in a mundane relationship, and therefore distance yourself further from your significant other. This is a bigger mistake and will certainly not help the cause. While it’s not always easy to get back into the game, addressing a few key issues will get you going for sure!
Before I tell you what these key issues are, let me direct your attention to my Alpha Lover program, which will teach you how to take control of your sex life and ensure you never experience a sexual dry spell. Don’t believe me? Take a look for yourself!
ASSESS THE SITUATION
Get to the root of the matter and figure out why you aren’t having sex. The reasons could range from partners being in demanding jobs that require constant travelling, to unaddressed sexual trauma. If the reason is practical and circumstantial, for instance, say you’re in a long-distance relationship, then it’s easier to pinpoint. However, serious causes like sexual incompatibility, feeling a lack of connection with your partner, your own state of mind, etc., are tougher to detect. Assessing this, either with your partner or on your own, is the first step towards understanding and remedying the sex drought.”
BE OPEN WITH COMMUNICATION
It may not always be pleasant, and depending on the kind of communication you have with your partner, it could also be awkward. However, it takes two to make love, so you’re going to have to involve your partner at some level. If you find you spend less time with each other, you’re unable to eke out time to get intimate, and thus you’re drifting apart as a couple, carve time to talk about it. You can also try being practical about it, and simply make time for each other, even if it is only thrice a month. Do whatever it takes: take time off work to devote a couple of hours at a stretch to have sex, for example. Discussing your concerns frankly not only helps in resolving issues, but also sets the pace to making you feel closer as a couple.
FOCUS ON QUALITY, NOT QUANTITY
If you’ve already going through a dry spell, don’t jump back in with the intention of getting to it a few times a day. Instead, focus on spending quality time, even if you need to space it out. Remember, familiarity breeds contempt. So, if you’re joined at the hip, you may get fed up and re-enter the sex drought phase, sooner than you’d imagine. Quality sex can ensure that you keep coming back for more. The thumb rule is to take enough time for foreplay, and to ensure both partners are fully aroused. This can make sex satisfying. The use of tools such as lubricants, sex toys and in some cases, even pornography, can be explored. All this takes time and effort, so ensure you work towards fulfilling sex, rather than just frequent sex.
HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
The initial rush of a romance may or may not return, and it’s best to be practical when you’re trying to end the sex drought in your relationship. Factors like emotions, lifestyle changes, and boredom that have contributed to the dry spell won’t just vanish overnight. Even if you are compatible, the sex can start to feel like too much work, because the drive doesn’t stem as organically as it used to. Don’t force sex to be as electrifying as it was in the beginning, at least not at first. Do what’s comfortable: some days you could just make out, on other days, you could go down on each other, and on other occasions, you could just lie in bed naked and talk.
TRY SOMETHING NEW
Often, the spark is missing simply because the novelty of doing things together fades away. That hot and heavy sex that may have brought you together is not what is going to sustain the relationship. Now is the time to build intimacy on a deeper level, which requires awareness and a willingness to be curious about your partner in new ways that create spontaneous intimacy. Make it a point to try something new together, so that you’re always surprising yourselves. Start a new hobby together, take up dance classes, or even just set time aside twice a week for a romantic movie date. Get back into the groove of things, and start flirting with one another, reliving your romance stage by stage. If time permits, travel as much as you can. If not, steam up the process—sexting when she least expects it, or by surprising her with an erotic massage. She is sure to return the favour.
P.S. You know what dry spell doesn’t rhyme with? Alpha Lover! If you yearn to be one, check out my program – The Alpha Lover – and I’ll teach you the ins and outs of becoming a master of all things taking place between the sheets.