It’s one thing to feel frustrated sexually because, say, you don’t do it twice a day, like in your horniest dreams. It’s another when you just aren’t satisfied, to the point that you’re sneaking hand jobs during your lunch breaks and are so horny that looking at any person with a skirt turns you on. It’s even harder when you love your partner and don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
Not sure what to do or how to tell her you’re just not satisfied in the sack? I have come to your rescue via a list of ways to tell your partner you’re not getting what you want.
1. Ask your partner what’s going on.
Get clued in to how your partner is feeling. Rather than approach her with the request, “I need sex,” ask her how she’s feeling and see if maybe you can get to the bottom of why she doesn’t want to have sex. Low sex-drives can be tough but sometimes there’s more too it than that (stress, work, etc.) that could be the factor here.
2. Try to masturbate together.
If sex in the clinical definition of the term is the issue, try something else that’s sexy together. And if she doesn’t want to have sex, ask her if wants to at least try mutual masturbation so you can at least feel that connection with her again.
There’s a chance your partner might just not be the type to initiate, and if that’s the case, you should give it a go rather than getting worked up about it. If you are the higher sex drive person, it will be up to you to initiate most times. Don’t feel bad when you get rejected, just because you want sex doesn’t mean they do.
4. Know what actually turns your partner on.
Talk about it. Ask what turns your partner on, ask if they are feeling desired and wanted. Maybe telling your partner that she is sexy will do the trick.
5. Send a sext.
Prime your partner earlier in the day. Flirt. Text. Be suggestive. Say exactly what you want to do to them. Not sure what to say? Maybe try consulting this list.
6. Don’t quietly barter for sex.
One: You are not property. Two: Sex isn’t a transaction! Avoid covert contracts. That is where you do something and expect something else in return, but you have not communicated the expectation. Covert contracts ALWAYS lead to disappointment. So even though you might think doing chores might get him laid, this simply never ends happily for all parties involved. Maybe you’re routinely giving her oral sex hoping she’ll feel obligated to return the favour. Just don’t do it. It’s not the way to go.
7. Put it on the calendar.
Is she working late hours? Does her professional schedule make it hard to get busy? Then pencil your carnal encounters in like they’re a doctor’s appointment. If it’s your schedules/exhaustion from daily life that gets in the way, try having ‘sex days.’ The anticipation of knowing what Tuesdays and Saturdays brings will make you both ready to rip each other’s clothes off at a moment’s notice.
8. Be really, really honest.
You’re in a trusting relationship (hopefully), so don’t skirt around the edges (you can still be nice though!). And 100% talk to her in an open and frank manner. Nothing else is going to work as well as having an in-depth conversation about it. Tell her how you feel, and ask how she feels. That still might not produce the results you really want, but it’s the best way to go about it. You need to understand her side of the situation, and she needs to understand yours. Don’t leave anything out.
9. Recognise your partner just might not have as high of a sex drive as you do.
Some people have low sex drives and some people just lose interest in someone sexually, while still really liking them as a person. See if there are other ways to see if some sparks can get ignited. It honestly shouldn’t be that hard if she is truly attracted to you, but just sufferers from low sex drive.
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