Before any performance, warm-ups are crucial. This applies to athletes, musicians, and you guessed it — sexual partners! Very few women want to jump straight into intercourse, preferring a bit of foreplay to get her engines revving and ready for a night of bliss. That’s why learning how to finger a woman properly is crucial for not just setting the stage for mind-blowing sex, but perhaps even making her cum before the main event.
While handplay may feel a bit old school, a little finger foreplay is a great way to get your partner primed and stimulated for an intense experience. While it may not feel highly sexual, fingering is a great way to build anticipation. Whether you want to bring her over the edge with just your fingers or you’re building up to adventurous sex positions with some heavy foreplay, the right fingering techniques can better prepare her for an orgasm she won’t soon forget.
While every woman has different needs and preferences, there are plenty of ways to create a back-arching experience with those magic hands!
The Pleasure Points
The most important place to start when fingering women is, well, knowing where to start. This means you need to have a deeper understanding of the female genitalia and where her pleasure points are located. Let’s start from the outside and work our way in (remember this phrase, as it’s also one of the best ways to finger a woman).
Chances are you’re familiar with the vulva, comprised of:
- The mons pubis (pubic mound)
- The labia minora and majora (inner and outer, respectively)
- The clitoris and clitoral hood
- The vestibular bulbs (flanking the clitoris)
- The vulva vestibule (between the clitoris and vagina)
- The vaginal opening
I’m sure you already know to pay attention to the clitoris, but the sweet spot is located inside the vagina: the elusive G-spot. This intense pleasure point is located along the anterior wall of the vagina, roughly 3-5 inches inside. It’s not always easy to find, but slow exploration with your fingers will eventually cause it to swell, making it easier to locate.
How to Finger a Woman: 6 Expert Tips
Now that you know where to focus your efforts, let’s look at how. Before you dive in, here are a few general rules you should know:
- Start slowly
- Be gentle
- Listen to your partner
- And please, trim those fingernails!
Ready to get started? Here are six expert fingering tips to help you get her over the finish line.
First, Foreplay
Your first inclination might be to skip the appetizers and go straight for the main course. However, when you get hands-on with the clitoris without any preparation, it’s not only jarring, it can also be quite painful. Starting slow and building arousal is a must in order to get the juices flowing and prime her for the main event.
Knowing how to finger a woman starts with understanding the importance of foreplay, so spend some time stimulating other erogenous zones on your way to the clitoris. Foreplay is especially important if you’re aiming to achieve the famous G-spot orgasm. Give her an erotic massage, whisper dirty talk in her ear, suck and lick your way across her breasts and down her belly — the options are endless! Ultimately, anything you can do to tease and warm her up will have her begging for more.
Focus on the Clit
There’s no denying that the clitoris is the star of the show when it comes to female orgasms, so once she’s aflame with passion from your foreplay, it’s time to stop teasing and get to the good stuff. A lot of knowing how to finger your lady like a pro revolves around catering to the ultra-sensitive clit.
There are plenty of fingering techniques to explore, but a good place to start is by working your way up and around the labia, the vulva vestibule, and the clitoral hood to ensure sensitivity by the time you reach the clitoris. From there, you’ll want to use a gentle touch and some variation of movement and pressure to see what makes her gasp and moan. Remember: direct stimulation could feel intense and even painful for some women, so follow her cues and check in with her frequently.
Build Your Tempo
Even men don’t tend to go from zero to sixty instantly when it comes to sex. Chances are you enjoy a slow build and some tantalizing teasing, so why wouldn’t she as well?
When learning how to finger a woman in a way that builds anticipation, rhythm and tempo are important aspects of the overall experience. Women who feel comfortable and confident will probably tell you when they want you to speed up. But if she’s on the quieter side, you can gauge her desire through signals like faster breathing, moans of pleasure, and angling her pelvis towards you. Not sure you’re on the right track? Just ask!
Live it Up with Lube
The female body is designed to produce lubricating fluids when sexually aroused, but that doesn’t mean lube can’t act as a facilitator. In some cases, aging, hormonal changes, or certain medications can lead to dryness or lack of natural lubricant production. If you opt to involve lube in your sessions, be sure to purchase organic, natural products that are safe for internal use. Note: some lubes can’t be used with certain sex toys, so do your research before pairing these two goodies.
Part of learning how to finger someone is understanding that every woman is different and finding ways to please her. This could mean trying different types of stimulation to arouse her and get her wet. Or you can add lube for an extra erotic experience that both of you will love!
Explore the G-Spot
Learning how to finger a vagina doesn’t mean just focusing on her external pleasure points. Why not try delving deeper and giving her that earth-shattering G-spot orgasm? When a woman is fully aroused, the spongy tissue of the G-spot will become engorged, making it a little easier to find.
By slowly working your way up the anterior wall with one or two fingers slightly crooked as if to say, “come hither,” you have the best opportunity to locate her sweet spot. If you can’t feel it, trust me — you’ll hear it! Once you find the G-spot, her moans and gasps will be a sure sign that you’ve arrived at your destination. Once you’re there, apply pressure and build your tempo to give her a truly unforgettable orgasm.
Get to Know Her Needs
The most important tip I can give you on how to finger a woman effectively is to understand what makes her tick. Figuring out how her body works is just one part of the equation — the female orgasm is also highly mental and emotional, so it’s important to stimulate her psyche and ensure she feels safe and comfortable.
This doesn’t necessarily mean candles and rose petals on the bed. It could mean talking dirty in a way she likes, starting off with a sexy dinner, a little playful sexting, or telling her what you’re going to do to her before you do it. It might mean going slow and finding ways to help her relax and fully immerse herself in the experience without feeling self-conscious. She might like watching porn together or adding some naughty sex toys to the mix. Every woman is unique, and so is what turns her on. Chances are, you’ll enjoy finding out her preferences as much as she does!
Who Is Gabrielle Moore?
Gabrielle Moore is a sex expert and best-selling author of sexual guides geared toward female pleasure. Over 8 million readers worldwide and over half a million subscribers to her daily online sex tips already take advantage of Moore’s guidance and advice, and she’s been featured in major publications like Men’s Fitness Magazine.
Her work is fueled by intensive research and years of personal experience and experimentation in the bedroom, making her uniquely qualified to help individuals and couples enjoy the intimate and fulfilling sex life they deserve. Subscribe for a better sex life today!
