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Coming Up Cowgirl: Get Her Comfortable with Taking the Reins

Sex Positions

Coming Up Cowgirl: Get Her Comfortable with Taking the Reins

It’s a sexy scene that most men spend far too long just dreaming about, having a woman ready and willing to take the lead and get on top. What will it take to get your wife riding with her hands on the reins? A few simple moves and she’ll be grinding her way to the finish line!

Talk Her Up

The first step to getting her up there where you can get a good look at her is to convince her! If she’s shy about her body, devote each and every day to making her feel awesome about her body. What does she love about her body – her hips, her breasts, her face, her hair, her thighs, or her eyes? Talk about how beautiful she is and how you want to be able to watch her in pleasure, see her in ecstasy, touch her breasts, lock onto her eyes. Give her a reason to want to be so captured by your gaze!

Women who don’t get on top because they are shy are likely to already have the inclination in them somewhere. Try getting her used to the idea by getting into positions with her “on top” before you get your clothes off and hop into bed together. Pull her onto your lap when you’re sitting on the couch so she can get a feel for the power she has gazing down at you. Pull her into you as you lean against a wall or the kitchen counter and place your feet firmly between her legs as you lean back, giving her the chance to “straddle” you while standing up. Get her comfortable in these positions while she still has all her clothes on, as it will help to make a smooth transition when you make it to the bedroom.

Get Her Close

For some women, it isn’t so much a lack of confidence but simply a lack of desire that prevents her from taking the reins. To be quite honest, some women just don’t like being on top all that much. It isn’t that the positions aren’t enjoyable, just that they happen to be a lot of work! You know how much work it takes to be on top, because you do it all the time, but most women aren’t used to this kind of exertion during sex. Typical heterosexual intercourse involves a masculine assertion and exertion of energy with feminine receptiveness. Changing this up can be exhausting for someone who isn’t used to it.

If she is ambivalent towards the idea, you are going to have to take the lead, at least in expressing your desire. Try introducing the idea at different times during lovemaking. For best results, ensure she is more than adequately warmed up through manual and oral stimulation, because when she is turned on, she is much more likely to be receptive to your ideas about what to do next.

You may want to begin intercourse first and try to wear yourself out a bit first, so she needs less time on top before you both reach orgasm, but don’t rely on positions that require her to support you with her legs or keep her body in a stationary exertion position for any length of time. If you wear her out before you start, she’ll be less interested in doing more work when you’re ready to take the next step. Alternatively, you can try beginning intercourse with her on top, so she has a chance to find the right spots and control her pleasure more precisely. In this case, you can lay back and rest while she exerts herself, and when she has an orgasm or gets close enough, you can switch up the dynamic and take over the exertion to finish you both off right.

Make it Easy

The most important aspect to getting her up on top is making it easy for both of you. If she has minimal lower body strength or stamina, these are things you can focus on for improvement, but you can also find simple aids to make exertion easier. A sex swing, something hanging from the bed’s banister, or even just the back of a couch can make it easier for her to move around on top by supplementing her exertion with her upper body strength. Try out several positions so she can find one that really fits for both of you. And don’t just roll off of her and expect her to climb on top! Give her the encouragement she needs to feel sexy and satisfied as she gets into position and rides off into the sunset…

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  1. jnewell

    April 2, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    my wife has went completely fridget…any solutions??

  2. Mario

    April 2, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    Hi Gabrielle! Do not forget that today is the Lemons Day! But your sugestion to The Lemons Day night is very sugestive and interesting. Best Regards.

  3. Kiki

    April 2, 2012 at 8:58 pm

    Jnewell-you have to start ALL over from the beginning, as if you just met & started dating, because you are basically strangers now anyway!
    Call her on the phone…’just to hear her voice’
    Text her at different times ALL day & say you can’t get her off your mind.
    Bring her flowers! Or a plant if she prefers not to have flowers that die in a few days.
    Leave a note in her purse, on her car seat, in the checkbook, on the bathroom mirror written in soap(my hubby does & I love it)
    Pay attention to her outside the bedroom, ie-sneak up behind and begin nibbling on her neck, then pat her bottom, say “nice ass, baby” then go on about your business. Or just pet her hair in the middle of the night.
    DONT EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN for all these things, or even mention them!
    Start doing chores you see that need done.
    Bring home a special ice cream or coffee drink treat.
    Do you get the idea?
    Pretend she isn’t your wife. Quit thinking she ‘owes’ you sex just because you are married (altho we do ‘owe’ that to our spouses), start treating her like she is your girlfriend, that you have just started dating and have not been intimate yet. Get her to WANT you by doting on her. Don’t give her what YOU think she wants or needs, give her what SHE wants…maybe just attention(holding hands, cuddling), gift of ‘service'(do HER chores for her), tangible gifts(a card, candybar, a shade of lipstick you’d like to see on her), TALK to her, and you’ll find out why she’s frigid.
    If this doesn’t bring her around after 4-6 weeks, you need a professional. But don’t STOP all this after 4-5 months…make it a lifetime commitment.
    Gabrielle, do you agree with me?

  4. mountain man

    April 2, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    my wife use to love being on top. but after she gained some weight she got away from it. even when she did get on top she would just lay flat on me.
    she has now lost some weight and I think she is ready to get back in the saddle again.

  5. Bob

    April 2, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    jnewell; Talk to her, tell her how lovely her hair is, how pretty her smile is, how you remember the time you shared ?? , the good time you had then.Take her out to dinner, hold the door, hold the chair for her. Remark positively on her appearance, her perfume, her eyes. Take her home, massage away the days stress from shoulders down her arms, across each breast. Use her favourite lotion. As you do it, talk to her about it. About what you’re massaging now and where you’ll go next. Treat her like you’ve fallen in love but you’re not sure she’ll say yes. Like when you were dating, and no day was long enough. Hope this helps. It’s worked wonders for me for many years.

  6. Rutanyarahansi

    April 3, 2012 at 3:35 am

    My wife prefers doggy to woman on top.Some times when we are doing sex I find her turning it doggy style saying it is good for her and it gives her orgasm.

  7. Mr MK

    April 3, 2012 at 7:33 am

    There are not many solutions… Just about the only way is that she sees you flirting with younger and good looking girls, I said flirting not go into adultery , as competition is the life of women.

  8. lamsy

    April 3, 2012 at 9:19 am

    my dear adviser i thank you so much and this sex position was already introduced by me and my wife enjoyed it so much bcos my dick is getting dip inside her pussy but i used to cum down easily and i want to spend more time pls advise me on how to be for a long time

  9. Liz

    April 3, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    where can find tips for myself as a wife to spice it up for my husband

  10. Auxtin

    April 3, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    Tanks Gabr. It is so amazing! Keep the write up coming. Cheers.


    April 7, 2012 at 12:15 pm


  12. nasser

    November 19, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    excellent, I really love it.

  13. LJ

    November 20, 2012 at 8:00 am

    My Brazilian wife and I have already been doing this anyway for many years. She’d demand to be on top if I wouldn’t let her at fist I’m pretty sure; she absolutely LOVES to be on top to ride that horse continually until she’s worn out, which takes awhile most of the time. She tells me this all the time, and it seems when I start talking about being her favorite horse, she gets extremely horny almost immediately. She grew up on a ranch so she has an advantage to riding. After all, i’m only concerned about HER pleasure. Her riding m gives me maximum pleasure. I’m 5’11”, she’s 6’2″. We’ve been “going at it” almost everyday for 12 yrs now, and not about to stop, as it’s made our love for each other stronger as well as bonding. I always tell her I love being married to a superhero, as she’s my SUPERWOMAN 😉 She reciprocates, saying that I’m her Superman, and that’s the only reason she’s Superwoman 😉 I feel so blessed to be married to a love-making Goddess that very addicted to me as i am to her, she always wants more, and loves to do it alot.

  14. nasser

    November 21, 2012 at 10:52 am

    marvelous, excellent experience.

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