“Our sexual energy and spiritual energy are one and the same. That’s what people don’t want to recognize. If you study anything about your mystics, it’s what they’ve experienced. If you know anything about these things, you know you move with that sexual energy because it is a creative, divine energy.”- Deepak Chopra
Ever feel like your libidos are stuck in separate lanes? Hers in hibernation while yours in full blaze? You’re doing that delicious thing to her neck with your mouth that always turns her lower body into molten lava… but her body temperature has barely gone up a single degree? And come to think of it, she hasn’t experienced that fevered, must-have-sex feeling in a while.
Before you freak out and think her lack of readiness signifies your relationship is circling the drain or her sexual plumbing is seriously messed up, keep reading.
The fact that your sex drives don’t seem to be on the same page may simply be a matter of… different sexual personalities. In order to connect with your partner on a deeper level, you have to get in harmony on this aspect as well. If you know your partner’s sex style and in which ways it is similar to yours (or opposite), you can meet her halfway and have that amazing sex you so often dream about.
Find her libido type and match it with yours
1) If she’s a sensualist…
She uses sex to express her love. She’s a hopeless romantic that craves lots of eye contact, deep kissing, foreplay and post-coital cuddling. To put it bluntly: she doesn’t have sex; she makes love. In order to truly arouse her, you have to go for quality, not quantity. If she wants to meld and you want to “slap that ass”, there’s a problem and she won’t be satisfied.
If you’re not really in the mood to be creative, romantically speaking, go for the basic moves, but couch them in a dare, so that she gets the feeling that they’re boundary pushing; for example, tell her you want to climax simultaneously during missionary.
From time to time, go for a quickie. You might wonder why I’m advising you to this, since it’s not exactly the definition of romantic, sensual sex, but bear with me. In her eyes, having a quickie means you’re so attracted to her that you can’t wait; you want her right then and there. A quickie will offer the physical connection she craves (with more urgent kisses and touching), minus the drawn-out pomp and circumstance.
Also, don’t forget to zero in on her hot spots. While you’re doing this, go for some aural sex. A few affirming words will turn the passion button on and set the pace. Nonverbal mimicry also works. Match her movements so she can better understand how turned on you are.
2) If she’s an adventurer…
She believes that if the sex isn’t the point, neither is the relationship. She measures her pleasure by sexual enthusiasm and variety (in positions and changes of scenery). While most women get nostalgic over their first kiss, she gets wishful over her first rug burns. The conclusion? She needs a partner in crime who is not afraid to try everything.
Therefore, given the fact that she uses sex to express her love, she might tire if you always feed her spooning vanilla. Try some role-play; it will please both your palates. It indulges her inner risk taker, and you’re also connecting emotionally- especially if you say you only want to do this with her. Other sex moves to try with her: PDA, learning to say erotic words in a foreign language, mutual masturbation, even seeing how long you can drive each other mad doing everything but the main event.
3) If she’s a pleaser…
She gets off most by controlling the action and gratifying her partner, even if it means putting her own needs on the back burner. Plumb your sexual potential by keeping the lights on during sex. Seeing and being seen means you get the full-on eye contact you crave, while she’s able to lower her inhibitions because she feels a rush from seeing your pleasure and the way you react to her moves.
Be careful though: being generous in bed is one thing; doing so because she has a tough time letting go and fully surrender herself to her own pleasure as well is another. What you have to do is treat her with arousing touches: during foreplay, move slowly. Indulge her need to be touched by rubbing her scalp (it’s loaded with nerve endings), her feet, and massaging her back. As for during the act: 69, anyone? She’ll enjoy the fact that she’s pleasing you with oral and you can return the favor in the same time.
4) If she’s a thinker…
She loves to fantasize, but stress (either about her performance or her body) sometimes torpedoes her libido, so she needs reassurance. You want sex to be all-consuming, but while you’re doing it, she’s actually all-consumed with… the size of her bottom. If you notice that she’s consistently shooing you away because she’s feeling blah, try arousing her by subtly tapping in to things that have turned her on in the past- a particular song, a spice simmering in the kitchen, and then let nature take it course. Her innate anxiety will soon be a matter of the past as well.
You can also quiet the naysayer in her head by milking the atmosphere to get her into the right frame of mind. How can you do that? Unwind with a ritual. Give her a massage with steamy towels; this helps her relax and rediscover how amazing her body can feel.
Have a crazy sexual week,
P.S. Women’s sexual styles ebb and flow with experience, so make sure you’re always pleasuring her to the fullest. Thus, you’ll soon be in complete sync.