“When modern woman discovered the orgasm, it was, combined with modern birth control, perhaps the biggest single nail in the coffin of male dominance.” – Eva Figes
Whether you’re having trouble getting there with your partner or just want to make your orgasms stronger, my tips will have you covered… and then some. Consider this: only 30 percent of women have orgasms from intercourse alone. Surprised? I blame movies like The Notebook, where the girl magically climaxes after two-and-a-half minutes of Pin the V action. This is not reality, unfortunately.
The truth is, the way most men and women view sex – as a completely physical, penetrative, in-and-out experience – isn’t doing anybody a favor if you’re on the hunt for the elusive orgasm. Intercourse provides internal stimulation, but for women, the really sensitive parts are outside the vaginal canal. So even though sex feels good that way, you’re not hitting the right spots. It’s like a guy trying to have an orgasm by having someone touch his testicles but never his penis. Good luck with that!
Now back to what the other 70 percent of women who don’t orgasm from sex alone need. Girl-gasms are composed of two things: the right mind-set and the right moves. These mental and physical tips (and a little practice) will help you help your partner find her happy place.
- Get into an orgasmic state of mind
If an orgasm just isn’t happening, you’ll need to play a few Jedi mind tricks with her before your clothes come off. We all have different hang-ups (some women get insecure, others get distracted), so try all these tricks to narrow down what works best for her.
- Read or watch some sexy stuff. Whether she’s turned on by erotica, porn, a hot indie band (try The xx), or Brian Williams reading the news (hey, different strokes), partake in that activity before engaging in sexytime. You want her to go into sex already experiencing that tingly feeling in her stomach rather than hoping your hookup provides the tingles.
- Eliminate distractions. Turn off your phones… or the lights if you think she is going to be self-conscious about her body. You want her to be in the moment, not thinking about her thighs.
- Take a shower. All that steam will set the scene… and she won’t be lying there worrying about how she tastes or smells. Instead, she will only be focusing on how to orgasm sooner and stronger.
- Don’t freak out if it doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen. On average, it takes a woman 20 minutes of direct stimulation to have an orgasm (some women take more or less – that’s normal too). It’s common for a woman to reach a plateau phase, when she’s turned on but feel like she’s stalling. Stick with what you did that got her to that point and you’ll likely get there. If you don’t, you probably will next time.
2. Find the right touch(es)
Once she’s in the zone, it’s time to get physical. No matter how good you are in bed, don’t make the common mistake of thinking you alone can give her an orgasm. She’s more likely to get her kicks if she takes things into her own hands as well (sometimes literally) and realize that it might take a little multitasking to get her there.
- Lend her a hand. Touch her clitoris during sex. Or let her do it. Some women are afraid to do this because they think they might bruise your ego. Make sure you tell her it’s just the opposite – it’s a turn on for you to see her so turned on.
- Let her take a peek at your playbook. You guys are usually great at taking charge of a sexual position. You adjust your stimulation, speed and angle to increase the chance of having an orgasm. Most women don’t think to borrow this strategy, but it’s smart to own your needs rather than expect the other party involved to just figure them out.
- Give a high school throwback a chance. Dry humping is hugely underrated, probably because it’s called dry humping. But some women have difficulties finding the touch and rhythm that works for them, even with their own hand. When she grinds against your pelvic bone or your penis (before you enter her), animal instinct takes over, allowing her body to go on autopilot and find a motion that will get her off.
- Do two things at once. While you’re going down on her, put a finger or two inside her, as she moves her hips against your mouth to help create a rhythm that feels best. Many times, it’s a combination of things, rather than just one move, that hits the magic button.
Have a delicious week,
P.S. If you’re lucky enough to have figured out a go-to, it doesn’t mean your big moment can’t be even bigger. Who couldn’t use more tricks in their repertoire?