We spend a lot of time here talking about your wife’s libido and what it takes to turn her on, but has it occurred to you that the problems you may be experiencing with arousal and orgasm might stem from the same tangled, rotten roots?
When it comes right down to it, the modern conveniences and luxuries we lust after in our day to day lives are often not very conducive to a healthy, active sex life. If you struggle to gain or maintain an erection, it might not have anything at all to do with sex! Can you believe it?
Not surprisingly, sex hormones (testosterone, estrogen, progesterone) play a pivotal role in both arousal and fertility. Low testosterone in men is shown to be detrimental to a healthy libido – if you struggle to get it up or get it on, it’s worth a look into your health habits and hormones. What you could possibly be doing that would be harmful to your hormones?
- Diet: diabetes, obesity, metabolic syndrome, malnutrition – any combination of these factors can completely destroy the well-meaning man. Before you head out to buy the next latest diet craze book, take an assessment of your day-to-day eating. Do you eat lots of fruits and vegetables? Are you getting health protein and fat in your diet, or is the meat and dairy you eat full of synthetic estrogenic hormones? Don’t be afraid of fat – full fat dairy has been shown to increase fertility. Clean saturated fats and essential fatty acids are, well, essential!
- Exercise: we all know that an active lifestyle is an integral part of overall health, especially as it relates to avoiding obesity and other conditions known to be harmful to sexual health. You don’t have to turn into a marathon runner, but getting out on a long hike, or playing a round of ultimate frisby with your lover, not only encourages physical fitness but gets the two of you out into the world doing something together. Playing and enjoying nature together builds the kind of intimacy that leads to great sex.
- Stress: Not only does chronic stress exacerbate negative health conditions by depleting physical energy and aggravating your adrenal glands, but the mental exhaustion that comes from constantly worrying about your ability to perform only proves to make the situation worse. Right now, stop. Stop thinking about your erection, stop worrying about your ejaculation. Put it completely out of your mind. For the next week, worry only about enjoying the time you and your lover spend together. Touch and cuddle, go for long walks, eat candlelight dinners together. In fact, eat a candlelit dinner every night! Studies have shown that staying up late, especially with artificial lighting and electronic screens, can be incredibly harmful to regular sleep. If you aren’t giving your body the rest it needs, your body won’t co-operate when it comes time to do all the active things you enjoy.
- Medication: Many pharmaceuticals have serious side effects when it comes to libido and sexual function. I’m certainly not recommending you chuck all your medicine in the garbage, but if there are ways for you to manage your health naturally, you should be looking in to them right now. Changing your diet is the biggest step you will take to changing your health for the better, not just to get you off meds for blood-pressure, cholesterol, or diabetes, but to help manage anxiety, depression, and many other mood disorders. Stop looking for the quick fix and start approaching your life from a holistic and well-rounded point of view. Engage the support of your lover – if she knows you are changing yourself to make your sex life better, she’ll be eager to help any way she can!
- Chemicals: You may be unaware that there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of chemicals in your home right now that could be hurting your sexual health, and your wife’s. Plastics, pesticides, fragrances, and every day body products are typically full of petrochemical byproducts which leech xenoestrogens (fake, plastic estrogen chemicals) into your food and water. Replace your plastics with wood, ceramic, metal, and silicone. Stop drinking bottled water. Use natural, organic, homemade body products. Ensure that your sex toys and lubricants are safe and phthalate free. If it has that “new plastic smell” when you open the package, it is full of estrogens just waiting to mess you up.
All this may seem overwhelming, but the sooner you address your bad health habits, the sooner you can end the distress caused by lack of sex drive, erectile dysfunction, and premature ejaculation. They used to say that “it’s all in your head” but you can take it from me – your head is attached to a body, and that body needs your attention. Take care of it, so it can take care of you!