Yes, mindful masturbation is a thing and it’s not as boring or out there as it might sound. Here’s how to expand and further develop what you once thought were your sexual limits.
But before I get started, let me point you to another thing that can deeply influence your sex life and make it ten times better. I’m talking about my program – Unbreakable Erections – and this mindful masturbation thing will help in this respect as well, by the way. But back to my most recent program. If you are only somewhat hard… or worse… not hard at all… then that can not only hurt your sex life… but even destroy your entire relationship. But fret not, I’m here to help you techniques that will for sure make you hard as a rock every time you have sex.
Mindfulness + Masturbation = A match made in Pleasure Heaven?
Stay with me for a second, will you? For many men out there, you included perhaps, masturbation is about focusing on the penis and getting the job done as quickly and efficiently as possible. But in order to masturbate in a mindful manner, you need to use your whole body, and all your senses. That means you’re not supposed to be racing for the finish line and your orgasm isn’t the primary goal of the process.
Then what’s the point to masturbating?
It can make sex hugely better by simply broadening your pleasure horizons. When masturbation involves a simple formula that you depend on every time you give yourself a hand job and you always rely on the same particular habits and techniques, it neurologically wires your body and arousal in a limited and rigid way.
Here’s how to master this mindful thing
For starters, try other approaches: see if your body might like something different just as much as (or more than) your standard session. Do you always sit? Try standing. Are you always quiet? Make some noise. Try it all. Pay attention to everything. How does your skin feel when you touch yourself? What temperature feels best, what textures and sensations do you experience? This way, you’re finally becoming more focused on your senses rather than just on the end goal: your ejaculation. When you start to slow down your pace, you experience sex with yourself in ways you might have been too impatient or hurried to notice before. Other important aspect? If you only masturbate with a little help from your porn friends, maybe it’s time to take a break from the naughty flicks and try it your way.
Don’t worry, it will still be easy to get in the zone
Each man has a personal inventory of sexual experiences, both fictional and real, that he can draw on while masturbating to get himself to that next level of arousal. A recent poll from dating website IllicitEncounters.com found that these fantasies can run the gamut from coworkers (27 per cent) to friends (25 per cent) to complete strangers (29 per cent). But the most popular get-hot material, picked by 55 per cent of respondents, is hot sex with an ex partner.
Thinking of an old flame is normal, don’t freak out
This is perfectly normal. Reliving or replaying past experiences in your mind doesn’t mean you have unresolved feelings for a former partner. People are very much capable of having fantasies that they don’t want to make a reality. Do you still feel weird about doing it? You shouldn’t. Why? Well, first of all, those sex throwbacks nestled comfortably in your memory bank aren’t that accurate actually. And second, they’re less about your actual memories of your ex partner and probably more about your memories of your own self.
Let me further explain this to you. The hottest most erotic memories in a man’s vault are actually of him being a sex god in a past relationship – even if that’s far from true. A 2014 Duke University study found that men are more unreliable narrators than women when it comes to certain aspects of their sex backstories. “And when men were in a great mood, they recalled having better erections and better orgasms than they actually did,” says Dr Kevin P. Weinfurt, the Duke professor of psychiatry who led the study. This is a good thing, actually. Why? Because that distorted memory of yourself may help you feel more confident and valid the next time you have real sex.
P.S. Masturbation can be devalued, but it’s one of the most important developmental experiences. It sets an imprint for how we see our bodies — what parts are treated as sexual and pleasurable, what feels arousing and safe, what is left ignored. And masturbation definitely also helps with erections. For more tips and tricks about growing that snake monster in your trousers, check out my program in the matter – Unbreakable Erections.