You may have heard about tantra or tantric sex, maybe at your local sex shop or on the internet — it’s a pretty trendy concept nowadays. But what is tantra exactly? And more importantly, how can you add its principles to your sex life?
The origins of tantra are hard to pin down, since it’s been around for thousands of years, but we know the ancient practice appears in Hinduism and Buddhism (just maybe not exactly as pop culture would have you believe). At its core, tantra is all about awareness, mindfulness, and connection. The general definition of tantra is to weave, to unify, and to mesh.
So yes, that means tantric sex tips are heavily based in relationship 101 tools, such as communicating, to achieve unification with your partner. And the great part about tantra is that it isn’t stiff — it’s all about unifying with your partner so you can both enjoy yourselves. But that doesn’t mean it’s not intimidating if you’ve never tried incorporating its principles into your sex life before.
If you’re looking for where to start, here are some tantric sex tips that you can try whether you’re a tantra first-timer or not, and they will definitely come in handy this holiday season, when all you want is connect with your loved one on all possible levels.
Mix it up
Add new elements to your tantric practice by trying something different, whether that’s pausing during sex to just kiss and explore each others’ bodies, or trying out a new position. I believe any position can be a tantric position. Get creative and mindfully add a new twist for a different tantric experience.
Prep your mind.
Getting ready for tantric sex requires not only physical, but mental preparation. Since tantra is a spiritual practice, I recommend you start first with yoga and meditation. By getting in touch with your energy and learning how to control your breathing, you’ll build the foundations for engaging in tantric sex later on.
Slow things down.
Tantra is all about the journey, not the destination. Have patience with yourself and with your partner, and really take the time to explore each other and what feels good. Try touching each other, and understanding that everything is more about pleasure first, and then the orgasm comes after. Don’t rush through foreplay or even through acts such as removing each other’s clothes. Instead, zone in and focus on every moment, how it makes you feel and how it connects you with your partner.
Discover the energy orgasm.
Several tantra experts tout the importance of investigating breath and energy orgasms, which are derived from the practice of not restricting sexual energy to the act of sex alone. Learn more about what an orgasm is, and how to have orgasms that are non-genitally focused. You can start doing just that by diving into the history of orgasm research and little-known ways to climax at new heights from a tantric perspective.
Women are capable of achieving over 11 different types of orgasms. What’s one of those orgasms? You guessed it: clitoral. To give your partner a clitoral orgasm when having tantric sex, I suggest trying cunnilingus for direct stimulation. So, what’s the secret to making your cunnilingus intentionally tantric? Both parties should be present. The whole goal of tantra is to get present in your body so that you connect with yourself and your partner. During cunnilingus, ask your partner to focus on her breath, while you look up and make eye contact.
Write a list of what turns you on.
Tantra is friendly to first-timers, but it still requires you to do a little bit of homework (don’t worry, it’s fun). Since communication is the key to forming the connection tantric sex is all about, it’s important that you understand what turns you on before you communicate your sexual wants and needs. So write a list of what turns you on and urge your partner to do the same. After each of you has finished their list, exchange them and talk them out. Not only will this activity turn into a steamy brainstorm session — it’s pretty much dirty talk — but it’s a wonderful opportunity to learn more about yourself and your lover. Plus, any kink mentioned on the list, from role-playing to BDSM, can be tantric when done intentionally.
P.S. For more tips on how to enrich your lovemaking this holiday, check out my program on the matter, Energy Orgasms.