“So she thoroughly taught him that one cannot take pleasure without giving pleasure, and that every gesture, every caress, every touch, every glance, every last bit of the body has its secret, which brings happiness to the person who knows how to wake it. She taught him that after a celebration of love the lovers should not part without admiring each other, without being conquered or having conquered, so that neither is bleak or glutted or has the bad feeling of being used or misused.” –Herman Hesse
A lot of people can feel intimidated by tantric sex. It seems hard, like something you have to learn how to do, rather than something you instinctively know how to navigate and then can improve on. But tantric to some seems like something that sounds amazing, but hard to master. Guess what? It’s not. There are probably tantric sex practices that you already use without even realizing and you just need to tweak a little something in your practice. Here are 5 tantric methods that are easy to do and will seriously improve your sex life.
1. Intense eye contact – Okay, you’re probably thinking… what?? “Eye contact? I want physical contact!” But trust me on this one, give this a try. First, sit together facing one another in a comfortable place. This doesn’t even have to be sexual all the time. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. When you’re ready, open your eyes and gaze into your partner’s eyes without saying a word. This will feel uncomfortable and silly at first, but don’t laugh and try to take it seriously. Do this for about 5 minutes every day. As I said, you can do this in a non sexual situation, but I also recommend doing it while you have sex. It will give you butterflies all over again and raise the intensity level about 100%!
2. The Method of Conscious Touch – One of the reasons why we don’t reach our potential for sexual pleasure is because our minds are distracted while we’re being sexual with our partner. It’s not always that easy to forget the worries and events of the day, even when we are so lucky to be having hot sex! But in tantra this is a major goal. You want to learn how to make every touch count. That means working on staying in the moment and enjoying what is happening right then and there. It means not thinking about what you’re going to do next, what she is going to do next, the orgasm you’re going to have or any other thought related or not related to what you’re doing. You focus on THAT moment happening RIGHT now.
3. Delight the senses – In a previous article I mentioned that paying attention to all 5 senses was important in tantric sex. That is absolutely true and with this next tip you will take that information to the next level. Try blindfolding your partner and then taking time to delight each of their other senses. Feed them delicious aphrodisiac food. Light sensual smelling candles or rubbing essential oils on her chest. Touch her with different objects (a silk scarf, for example). Play music, talk to her, whisper in her ear. Once her sense of sight has been cut off, she will be much more tuned in to these other sensations.
4. Full Body Orgasms – Sounds pretty nice, huh? And it probably sounds like one of those tantric sex goals that are impossible for a normal person, but that’s not the case! It might take practice to get to a complete, full body orgasm, but hey! you’re practicing having ORGASMS. I think you can deal with that homework assignment. So, here is how it’s done. In tantra you want to build up erotic energy in the body and then let it ebb slightly. This means bringing yourself (and your partner) close to the point of orgasm and then slowing down so that you don’t actually cum. Then you continually bring yourself to that point and then back away, again and again. You can do this as many times as you like and then finally allow yourself to have an orgasm. What you experience will be so much more intense than you can even imagine. A full body orgasm!
5. Stay in the Moment – This is such an important part of tantra and so challenging for so many. You can help make it easier for yourself by trying to practice this in other areas of your life as well. And you can also do this with other kinds of intimacy. You might find that your sexual experiences with your partner are always the same. You might snuggle up to her in bed and get hard with the closeness of her body and then one thing leads to another. Try staying in one of those moments just enjoying it and not trying to make it turn into something else. You could stay holding her in your arms, snuggling and just feeling each others’ warmth. You could stay kissing each other and caressing each other. Do whatever activity you enjoy with your partner, but that often gets rushed through. Spend time there and don’t try to think about where it will lead.
Have fun with these tips and let me know how it went in the comments section below!