“When you touch her, don’t touch her with hesitation… touch her like you own her. Trust me, she’ll know the difference.”
You got laid last night, only it wasn’t quite what your partner was expecting. Whether you’re relationship is brand new or you’ve been sharing a bed with her for years, you – even if you think you’re Mr Satisfaction – are as capable of a dud performance from time to time as anyone. Here’s why.
She liked it that one time
A bit like a dog chasing its tail, you think is she praises you for something, you should do it again and again. That’s the reason why you get her perfume every birthday and you always wear that same jumper. After all, she said she liked it once, so that must mean you get a gold star every time you do it, right? However, variety is the spice of life. If something “works”, a man will keep doing it over and over for fear that changing it will be displeasing. This, however, can lead to boredom for your partner. The solution? Ask her to update you on what she likes – or, better yet, have her show you. You’ll actually enjoy this. After all, pleasing her is what excites you the most!
Work is leaving you exhausted
It’s Friday night and you left all your effort in the office. Which means no nookie for you! John, 39, says, “I’m desperate to get on the professional ladder and pay for our wedding later in the year, so I’m knackered by Friday, and sex is out the window until Sunday afternoon at least. I actually hide downstairs for an extra hour so she’ll be asleep already!” If both you and your partner are regularly feeling too stressed for sex, don’t panic – you’re not alone. One in four people confessed to being too tired for passion in a recent study. And actually, doing it well once a week or even less is preferable to doing it often, but badly. Arrange some quality time and make it an event rather than something rushed. Quickies can be fun, but not if they are done when you’re both exhausted.
Your mates are in your ear
Men are pack animals, and since we’ve evolved beyond living in caves, your mates have become your pack. Also, like the schoolyard, you still get most of your sex tips from each other. Dan, 33, admits that this has got him into trouble with his girlfriend. “The first month we were together there hadn’t exactly been fireworks, so I asked my mate how to spice things up. He suggested some gentle hair pulling and sex talk. It went so badly she actually put her clothes back on and left!” Sure, you will always seek help from your mates, but you need to also let your partner educate you on what she likes. You are a visual creature like most men, so I suggest introducing girl-on-top, so that you can see what she enjoys.
You like porn… too much
Most men watch porn, which is totally fine. Men are aroused visually while ladies are less so, according to the Kinsey Institute, and it’s for this reason porn is of more interest to guys than women. It’s when it becomes an addictive behavior that it poses a problem. You commonly use porn as it delivers visual sexual excitement far better than you can imagine for yourself. However, over-engagement with porn can lead some men towards erectile dysfunction and reduce enjoyment of real life sexual encounters within relationships. If you’ve suddenly become fixated on a particular sexual act, or your thriving sex life has taken a nose dive, it might be time to look at whether your porn use is driving things.
It’s just not Viagra sex
In the experience of Anthony, 43, once you have taken Viagra it can be difficult going back to regular sex. “When having sex on Viagra, you feel heroic – like you could go forever. While it’s not addictive, you can feel you need it.” If you’re lasting an exhaustingly long time, Viagra may be too blame too. It can turn sex into senseless humping, with less sensation. Ask yourself why you feel the need to take it. Make sure you don’t harbor disappointment when you’re just yourself in the sack, without that extra little helper.
P.S. Having really good sex should make you feel like you’re on fire… all the time. For tips on how to achieve genius lover status, click this link.