When we think about romance, we tend to get a very standard picture in our mind – dinner, candles, flowers, chocolate. But is this what every woman wants? The short answer is no.
Romance is more than just repeating the same, tired cultural scripts about what men and retailers think women should want. Romance is thoughtful and meaningful. Romance is heartfelt and loving. Romance is the perfect combination of intelligence and effort that combines to give her just the right feeling at just the right time. Romance makes her feel loved in a language that she understands. Do you know what language your lover speaks?
The things that make her heart beat fast will likely change over a lifetime or under different circumstances, but most people have one or two “love inputs” that tend to work better than others… and most of us make the mistake of trying to communicate our love using our own language, rather than that of our lover. Before you make any attempts at romance, read the following descriptions and see if you can figure out which make your lover tick. If you can’t quite figure it out, determine your own and have her take a look. When you can pinpoint the kind of romance she desires, you can plan to your (and her) heart’s content.
Knowing what to say, and when to say it, is at the heart of the linguistic romantic. You should impress your lover by writing her a romantic love letter, or even just a cute sticky note that tells her how much she means to you. What does she want and need to hear – that she’s loved, that she’s beautiful, that you’ve been thinking about her all day? Whatever it is, she wants to know that you really mean it and that you can say it without being prompted. She doesn’t want to have to ask you how she looks when she tries on a new dress for the first time, or does something different with her hair. If you catch yourself only telling her you love her when she says it first, or worse, when you want something (like sex), she will see your words as shallow and inauthentic. Make it count and say it first, just because you can.
Take the Time
Spending quality time with your lover can be more difficult to figure out than saying the right words. What does “quality time” mean to her? The essential factor of quality time is your ability to listen. Your lover wants to feel heard, appreciated, and understood. Impress her by taking the initiative to plan dates and other time spent together, doing things that she enjoys. Her enjoyment is paramount. She needs to know that you want to spend time with her, and that you know enough about her to choose things that she finds truly fulfilling. What does she like to do?
This kind of romance is all about doing something difficult. If your wife is all about devotional romance, she wants to know that you’re willing to go out of your way to make her life easier. Do the dishes or clean the kitty litter without being asked, pick up after yourself, cook her dinner, take care of the kids while she does the grocery shopping, or even better… draw her a hot bubble bath and take the kids with you to the grocery store!
Physical romance is all about touch. You should be well on your way now, after browsing my site and reading my books, to understanding the many ways there are to discover her touch needs and desires. Romantic touch is about love, not sex. While it occasionally might lead to sex, the physical romantic wants to be touched casually – a light hand on her arm, brushing her hair from her face, tilting her chin up for a kiss, hugging, holding hands, putting your arm around her or just sitting beside her on the couch instead of in your favorite easy chair.
It may seem materialistic, but the woman who appreciates romantic gifts isn’t necessarily all about money. It’s more likely that she’s a collector, keeping movie stubs and photo albums. Birthdays and anniversaries are of the utmost importance. You don’t have to spend a lot of money, and in fact spending too much money instead of simply paying attention to what she truly loves is likely to get you in more trouble than not! If your lover is prone to clutter, go for perishable gifts or things she will use up, like food, candles and flower. The most important thing, as in all the other categories, is to pay attention to what she loves – romance is ultimately about your ability to understand her needs, wants, and desires through your experiences together.