Think you can’t pull a Tom Hardy move in the bedroom? You can do anything, and I’ll show you how!
Nothing is more arousing for a woman than a confident man who knows how to handle himself in the bedroom. There is a biological reason for it, actually — women are wired to be attracted to men who can handle themselves in every situation, to „providers” and „protectors”. If you become passive during foreplay, you might turn her off as she really needs to see that you are 100% as involved as she is, or even more. Even if you let her be the boss (for some women, this is very thrilling!), you still need to cooperate, even if it’s just a subtle touch, a sexy smile or some dirty talking.
However, bedroom anxiety is real for men and it can lower their sexual performances (it’s not easy to have a steady erection if you are intimidated by your partner or the situation itself). Another issue is lasting long enough to ensure that your woman enjoys her time in the sack with you. But let’s not get all negative, because you can easily turn your weaknesses into strengths.
This is your strength
Don’t put yourself down yet — despite all of the above, you have a major advantage: you are willing to learn and explore the vast universe of female pleasure. And I’ll tell you what I mean by that.
Naturally confident men think highly of themselves (especially in the bedroom!) and while that is not a bad thing, it often affects their performances without them even knowing it. They think they have all the skills in the world and fail to efficiently communicate with their partners. When you think you know it all, why bother? Well, because your “signature move” can work wonders on one women and profoundly disappoint another (click here to read the article I wrote on the complexity of women arousal). Truth is, every woman is different and your ability to adapt to her many arousing facets is the true confidence that you can manifest between the sheets. Because no matter how attractive confidence is, it can not work alone — it means nothing if what you’re doing is not making her burst into millions of tingling sensations.
That being said, your willing to learn more about what turns her on will give you enough confidence and skills to make her fantasise about your steamy encounters all day every day. Start by educating yourself. Read as much as you can about female pleasure, foreplay techniques, creative sex positions and so on — my articles can provide you with loads of informations on the matter. And information is power, don’t you forget it!
Don’t try to read her mind
Intuition might work here and there, but to really build your confidence in the bedroom you have to obtain exact data about what she wants. It’s nothing wrong with asking a few questions — actually, it’s the best thing a man can do when it comes to pleasuring his woman. Let her know how much you want to see her be dominated by pleasure. Say, “I really want to drive you crazy with pleasure. What is your favourite place to be touched?” or “Do you like it when I do this? What about this?”. This not only gives you serious insight, but also shows that you are genuinely interested in her wants and needs, and that’s incredibly flattering and reassuring for a woman (let’s be honest, a lot of men neglect the chapter of mutual satisfaction — don’t be one of them!).
As you can see, encouraging your partner to voice her desires is far more efficient than to mimic a sexual confidence that doesn’t exist. You don’t have to pretend you know everything there is to know about female pleasure. Actually, pretend you know nothing and soon enough you’ll learn so much that confidence will become your middle name!
The best way to learn a new technique is if she does it to you the way she wants you to do it to her. If you’re not especially confident in your cunnilingus technique (it’s not easy, I know!) ask her to show you her favourite tongue strokes and twists while she kisses you. Now that’s a hot hot kiss! You will both immediately get turned on and, as a bonus, you will learn more about how to use your tongue when you get down between her legs.
It’s your natural reaction to speed through whatever you are doing when you get nervous, and that is especially true in the bedroom! The thing is, rushing will make you even more anxious, which will be less pleasurable for her. Women need more time to connect with their partners and get in the mood for sex, that’s why rushing things will make them uncomfortable and moody.
Just breathe. Remember you are there to have fun, let things happen and notice how you feel — every touch, every kiss, her breath on your neck. When you slow things down, you show her trust and confidence, two of the sexiest concepts in the bedroom.
Go even further and tease her with your patience. Kiss her inner thighs, suck her delicate finger, run your fingers through her hair gently, while making eye contact. Soon enough, she’ll get so hot that she’ll beg you for more!
P.S. Sweetheart, now that you know how to use your sexual confidence as a tool, learn more about her hottest fantasies and deepen your knowledges by reading this article I wrote on the best intimate sex positions, so you can show her the revelation of simultaneous orgasms!