“Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.” – W. C. Fields
Let’s talk about sex. It’s one of the between-the-sheet experiences you sometimes chat with your buddies about. In detail. And while it’s not always great (read: can be pretty average), there’s still something firework-y about it that absolutely requires a recap over cans of beer. Sometimes though, weird stuff happens that leaves you feeling anxious, embarrassed and certainly not in a sharing mood (some things are simply not Sunday brunch appropriate). That’s where I come in. Whether you’re flipping out over last night’s mishap or you just want some hard science to explain what’s going on down there, I’ve got you covered so next time you can just laugh it off – and continue getting down to business.
1. Your partner feels like she really, seriously needs to pee.
This one’s tricky because it can be for one of two reasons: either you’re hitting the jackpot and stimulating her G-spot, causing what the experts like to call “female ejaculation” (in which case, good ‘ol props to you!), or thanks to a combo of sexual positions (you athlete, you!), your penis is putting pressure on her bladder, causing that need-to-pee sensation.
Her best bet to avoid this feeling is to go to the bathroom before hitting the sack. If the urge is still there once things are heating up, press pause and let her make a beeline for the loo. Sure, it might slow the momentum – but it’s better than letting that wet-the-bed complex completely kill your vibe.
If you find this happening to her more often than not, be aware that some positions can enhance the feeling, like when you’re having sex doggie-style, when she’s on top and when you’re on top and her pelvis is slightly lifted.
2. An actual, legit headache comes on.
Yes, there really is such a thing as a sex headache. Really. There we were thinking that sex relieves tension (which in most cases it does), but sometimes it can actually bring on pain. Generally, it’s a dull ache in your head or neck that builds as sexual excitement mounts. And sometimes the headache can come quite suddenly, accompanying an orgasm, especially in the case of women.
Sex headaches are a well-recognized type of exercise headache, and there’s medication you both can take to help. They’re usually nothing to worry about, but see your doctor if they begin abruptly of it it’s the first headache like this you’ve experienced, as it could be a sign of an underlying problem with the blood vessels in the brain.
3. Your partner farts (or “varts”)
There she was being all sultry and elusive, and BAM – she farts. And it’s not just her average gas-passing either. The scientific term for it is “vaginal flatulence”, a fancy name for air being released through the vagina. To be clear, it’s not the same thing as passing gas (that’s why it doesn’t smell) and it’s caused by air getting trapped in the vagina. Frequent switching of positions may increase it, but unfortunately there’s no real way to stop it from happening altogether. If your partner experiences vaginal flatulence, try laughing and making her feel less embarrassed about it. Great sex depends on how much fun you have. You’re certainly not the first to have had this happen, and you won’t be the last.
4. Your mind starts to wander
Not at all because you’re not into it, but because you have roughly 14 million other things running through your head. Often when we put our minds to something, we’re already subconsciously thinking about all the other things on our to-do list: buying toilet paper, remembering birthdays, etc. During sex, all of our senses are heightened: touch, smell, sight – everything. If you’re getting distracted, you might want to check in and see if your partner is feeling the same way. Women are prone to multitask even in the sack, and most men can pick up on this and start thinking about other things as well. So while she’s thinking of anything and everything, your mind wanders as well. Refocus on the task at hand – and indulge in a sex fantasy if you’re still distracted.
5. It’s bone-dry down there
Rushing through foreplay and jumping straight to the main event means you will not pass go and you certainly won’t collect $200 (you’ll also leave your partner sore and at risk of a yeast infection). Lubrication is her body’s way of telling you that she is turned on. While there’s no real rule when it comes to wetness (each woman lubricates differently), normally you’ll know when she’s good to go. There’s no harm in having some lubricant on hand too, for those times when she needs a little extra help getting started. Of course, even if she’s fully covered in the excitement department, a few drops of lube can make her climax next-level. And we’re all for that.
Have a sweet week,
Gabrielle Moore
P.S. Talk to your partner about all of these. She wants you to enjoy it as much as her, and if that means a good ‘ol talk, she’ll definitely be on board. For more information about using your fingers in hot new ways, check out my program on the matter – Flirting Fingers.
