While the thought of engaging in BDSM may excite you, there is always a chance that your partner may not feel the same way. Here’s how to get her to indulge in this experience.
The concept of bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, and sadomasochism (BDSM) isn’t brushed under the rug anymore. With Fifty Shades Of Grey bringing BDSM to the mainstream, couples are no longer shying away from including it during a session between the sheets. More often than not, sex is always exciting in the beginning when partners are getting to know each other, but with time partners often go down the vanilla sex route, and may be looking at introducing the kink factor to spice things up. That’s where BDSM comes into play. Here are some ways to get a reluctant partner to try it.
And since we’re talking about all things king, you have to check out my Fingering Fetish program as well. You’ll find techniques that will absolutely delight you and make your partner go up the wall with ecstasy.
Dispel misconceptions
BDSM can be as basic or intense as both partners want it to be. The common myth surrounding BDSM is that it is heavy-duty, and all about sex toys, pain, and dominance. That couldn’t be further from the truth. While those are all part of the experience, BDSM could also mean role-play, just being blindfolded while having sex, or talking dirty during the experience. If your SO believes that this entails being rough in the bedroom, spanking or being spanked, choking or whipping, it’s time to set the record straight and educate yourselves on how to be kinky within the boundaries of comfort.
Take it slow
You may want to jump into BDSM right away, but that doesn’t mean your partner is ready for it. Don’t lose heart. Instead, slowly think of ways to ease her into the idea. Think of innovative ways to get there. For instance, when you are in bed, share a fantasy, slowly and seductively building up to the end. Sext her whenever you can, and also work on being more vocal during your regular sex sessions by talking dirty to turn her on. One thing will lead to another, and she’ll gradually ease into enjoying it.”
Watch porn together
Try and check out BDSM porn together. This is one of the best ways to understand what turns on and turns off the two of you. What will really give you an idea of how to go about it and what to try, are online videos that feature various kinds of BDSM experiences. You will be able to figure out what turned you on, what you want to try out, and what is totally off-limits!
Focus on trust-building
There’s nothing more important than trust when it comes to BDSM. If you want your partner to try out BDSM with you, it is imperative that both of you trust one another. Not only does this ensure your relationship is on safe ground, with neither one of you worrying about being judged, it also helps bolster communication and prevent any possible abuse that could arise in the bedroom.
Discuss beforehand
Before you take the plunge, it is important to discuss what you want to do. Not only does it give you a direction, especially since the two of you are navigating uncharted waters, it also helps you understand the boundaries you’re willing to push as a couple. Mutual consent is absolutely vital as far as BDSM goes, since the experience can be intense, and there is no point if one person feels humiliated or used in any way. It is also a good idea to discuss practical and logistical details beforehand such as time, venue, protection, lubrication and the correct equipment.
Visit a counsellor if you’re having trouble
This is an uncomfortable topic, and perhaps your partner may view your demands as too adventurous or unreasonable, if your fantasies are beyond her comprehension or comfort levels. In such cases, seeking assistance from a professional may help. Not only will a sexologist or a relationship counsellor advise you on how to include it in your sexual routine, he or she will also be able to give you safety guidelines, customised rules and norms based on your relationship and personality types, and how to deal with it emotionally. It is also important that you discuss and understand that BDSM is a tool for pleasure at both ends, and need not necessarily translate into how your actual relationship functions.
Hot kisses,
Gabrielle Moore
P.S. Kink is not on the traditional carnal menu (yet!), but I think more and more couples should try it. A good appetizer is my Fingering Fetish program. Tie her hands, blindfold her, and work your magic with only your fingers. I guarantee full pleasure!
