For many couples, anal sex is the final frontier: a place that piques their curiosity but continues to perplex them and even make them apprehensive. Will anal sex hurt? Can a woman orgasm from it? Is it messy? Which positions work best? And, most importantly, how can I guarantee she won’t accidentally poop on my penis? All of those are valid questions! Here’s what you need to know before you start putting it in the butt.
How Can You Make Anal Sex More Comfortable?
One of the major reasons women fear anal sex is because many assume it is going to be a royal pain in the…well, ass, literally. The number one thing to keep in mind is that anal can be painful if you aren’t relaxed. So…relax! Lots of deep breathing and letting go of everything helps. It can become more painful when you thrust in and out, especially if you are well endowed, so tell her to remember to keep breathing. Also, obviously, going straight into penis-in-butt anal might hurt a little. I suggest working your way up to traditional penetration by using a very small vibrator, butt plug, or your finger (wear a rubber glove to be safe) to try out a few techniques. With a (gloved) finger, make stroking motions to gently cause goose bumps on her thighs and butt, then do similar, almost tickling motions stroking the anus. Slowly circle the anus with the finger, then apply lube to the finger and circle more, gradually working towards the center of the anus and gently pushing in. Assuming it feels good, continue gently pushing in until your finger is in the anus. Then experiment with gently and slowly pushing it in farther and pulling it almost out. While your finger is inside, ask her to try pushing out like she is going to have a bowel movement. This actually relaxes the anal sphincter muscles. While she is pushing out, move your finger in and out more (gently). Finally, ask her to tighten her sphincter around your finger and notice how much more tight it is. She should repeat this several times, especially if it feels good. You can now feel free to experiment with a larger finger, vibrator, or butt plug. And if you really want to relax her anus, stimulate her clitoris to orgasm while you gently move the plug or vibrator in and out of her anus. Surprise — her orgasm might even be more intense than usual because of the extra rear action.
Before you try anything, make sure you have lube and a condom on hand. I’ve heard women sometimes talk about how they decided to try it on the spur of the moment, but they didn’t have lubrication, a condom, or a partner who knew what they were doing — and they had a bad experience. Lube, in this situation, will be your best friend. (Make sure it’s water-based — an oil-based lube can make the condom break.)
Which Positions Work Best for Anal Sex?
Although doggy style is a favourite among many back-saddlers, I recommend that your partner sit on top of you with her back to your chest so that she can go at her own pace, particularly if she is worried about it being painful. Another favourite, and one that is more intimate than doggy, is the spooning position, where she lies on her stomach and you lie on top — kind of like a missionary position with the woman facing down.
OK, But What Are the Chances of Pooping During Anal?
While there’s always a chance of seeing poop, it is less likely than you may fear. There is actually little fecal matter in the lower rectum or anal area, so this is usually not an issue and isn’t as big of a deal as most people think. Some women use an enema before anal sex. This shouldn’t be done often, though, and it’s better to just use warm water. Frequent enemas can actually remove the protective mucus normally present and make the rectum more susceptible to injury or infection.
Can Women Orgasm From Anal Sex?
Yes, yes, yes!
Just like with vaginal intercourse, women often get twice the pleasure and erupt into orgasm when clitoral stimulation couples anal intercourse. Love and trust cause orgasms, not penetration alone. Stimulating the anus, or the surface of the anus, can send a contraction all the way to the clitoris. While some women don’t like extremely deep penetration, it’s possible that for some, vigorous motions might stimulate other internal structures in the woman’s body that could be erotically stimulating — possibly the sacral, pelvic, hypogastric, or vagus nerve. Another factor could be that women who enjoy the sensation and find it erotically exciting may be mentally primed to achieve orgasm very easily.
Can Anal Sex Be Dangerous?
Butt sex gets a shady rep because it’s the riskiest sexual behaviour — this position makes it very easy to transmit STDs. Condoms are a must no matter how long you’ve been in a monogamous relationship, because there’s a risk of disease — bacteria in the anus can infect your urethra, causing problems for you and also potentially transferring bacteria to the vagina. And relaxation and taking it slow is important not just for your enjoyment, but because rushing increases the chances of an anal tear or fissure, which can happen because the mucus membranes inside the rectum are much thinner than the lining of the vagina and can easily tear. The same penetration that would not cause damage to the vagina can cause tears in the anus. If she happens to bleed during anal, immediately stop penetration and don’t attempt it again until she is fully healed, or you risk making an anal fissure worse.
In the meantime, be mindful of some smart musts: Never place a finger, penis, toy, etc., that has had anal contact into the woman’s vagina. If you stimulate her anus (penetrative or not), you should always wash your hands with antiseptic soap before you use the same hands (or any toys). You should also make sure your fingernails are short and don’t have any rough edges.
No matter what, keep an open line of communication with your partner, stop if you feel uncomfortable, and, by all means, keep going if you love it.
P.S. For more tips on how to enjoy anal, check out my program on the matter – Anal Ecstasy. You’ll find there all you need to know about the subject.