How to have the anal conversation

How to have the anal conversation

Anal play is the one sexual subject that’s guaranteed to put the ‘oooh’ into ‘taboo’. Sometimes fear of rejection, judgement or a negative reaction means the subject of anal foreplay or anal sex is never broached. But good sex is all about communication, and talking as openly as you can about fantasies and boundaries can bring you closer together. After all, you may discover shared fantasies and turn-ons you never knew about. Also, though it is often stigmatised, anal sex is a perfectly natural way to engage in sexual activity. People have been having anal sex since the dawn of humanity. Seriously, it’s been documented back to the ancient Greeks and then some. So if you’re a little worried your lady might not want to try it or might have trouble understanding the appeal, just assure her that it isn’t weird or gross, on the contrary.


The entrance to the anus is packed with nerve endings, so it’s highly sensitive for anyone, and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t explore if you’re intrigued. That being said, anal, like all sex acts for that matter, is not enjoyed by everyone, and that’s totally OK. You and your partner should do what you feel comfortable with and what feels pleasurable for the both of you. There is no wrong way to experience sexuality, and no way is better than any other.


It’s quite likely that you’ve talked around the subject slightly, and you have a vague idea about what your partner is into — whether he’s a whips-and-chains kinda gal, or a pretty vanilla lady. If she’s been sheepish when it comes to booty time, then you’re going to have to handle this one carefully. Perhaps a good way to start is by removing the closeness to the subject and say something like, “I saw this article last week about all the benefits of anal sex. To be honest, I was quite surprised about what I found out!” This is a way to open up the conversation and get a sense of whether she could be in to it (or not) in a kinder way — rather than straight up asking “Hey girl, I’m keen to give anal a go. You in?” Another conversation-opener is to start talking about what you want to do in bed together. This could be a factual chat or a bit dirty talk-esque in bed or over text. Start slowly and mention things you want to try — like, “I want us to massage each other”, or “I want to put a blindfold on you”. Then, if you think she’s ready for the booty bombshell, then drop it.


Be sure to talk about buying anal sex toys together, so there is no pressure on either partner. Remember to be honest, say why you’re interested and listen to what your partner has to say too. Keep the conversation light and jovial, so no one will feel offended if there is any rejection, or if your partner is spooked by something you’ve picked out. If you take your partner by surprise, they may run for the hills. So please don’t whip out a 10-inch long anal bead, as though anal sex is a common fantasy. It’s actually not shared by all, so diving in deep with a hectic array of possibly frightening toys may ruin your chances of ever getting any booty love. What you can do, once you’ve got the all-clear from your partner, is buy a nice starter pack, or some individual anal play toys to get you going. Obviously, it’s a good idea to start small, so go with ‘beginners’ category toys first.

Hot kisses,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. For more juicy and saucy tips and secrets on how to properly enjoy anal play, check out my program on the subject, Anal Ecstasy.

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