“Well, take your time and don’t live too fast. Troubles will come and they will pass. Find a woman and you’ll find love. Don’t forget, son, there is someone up above.”
– Lynard Skynard
Sometimes, when our relationships aren’t as intimate as they used to be and our opportunities for sex don’t pop up as often, we jump at the chance when it is presented. In this heightened, frenzied state, men often rush through the act, barrelling toward the finish line with only one goal in mind. This kind of one-track thinking can leave your partner feeling unappreciated and unfulfilled. So what does it take to let go, enjoy the moment and allow your wife to do the same?
According to The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction, “About 85% of men report that their partner had an orgasm at the most recent sexual event; this compares to the 64% of women who report having had an orgasm at their most recent sexual event.” Have you ever had sex and not been able to cum? How would you feel if this was true for almost half of your sexual encounters?
So what do women need to have a really satisfying sexual experience? Overwhelmingly, the answer is passion! While it may seem like married women have a tendency to lose interest in sex entirely, a quick look at the popularity of sexy tv shows, erotic novels and romance movies will prove different – women are just getting their passion somewhere else!
When you recognize the need for passion in your life, there are four great ways to continue to nurture it in your relationship.
Drop the Distractions
When you and your wife go to bed at night, what is foremost on her mind? Is she thinking about how to make you feel good or is she concerned that she didn’t have a chance to finish the dishes or self-conscious because she didn’t have time away from the kids or work to take a shower? If she is distracted by bedtime or worried about what to make for breakfast tomorrow, she can’t tune in to you and get turned on!
So what’s the best way to convince her to drop out of reality for a few moments? Get rid of her distractions! Wash that load of dishes in the sink, offer to take care of breakfast in the morning – go one further and serve it to her in bed with a rose! Put the kids to bed while she takes a shower and slips into something more comfortable…
People who have less frequent sex have been shown to compensate by working harder, longer hours. If stress is the cause of infrequent intimacy, what do you think the effects of even more stress will be? Stress is a mood-killer for everyone. If stress is making you feel desperate, you’ll be too eager and rush through what could be an extraordinary, mind-blowing, life-changing experience!
If she is stressed about bills, work, kids or anything else, whether it seems rational to you or not, give her the support she needs and encourage her to relax! Draw her a hot bath, give her a long, slow massage and let her forget all about her troubles.
Take It Slow
Once she’s in the moment, don’t blow it by rushing! Take things nice, slow and easy. A very common complaint among women is how little foreplay they experience after marriage. Kissing and caressing is a great way to get her warmed up. Exploring each other’s bodies after an invigorating make-out session is a great way to encourage oral play and warm her up for something exciting and new!
If you are having a hard time staying in the moment, mediation and in particular the breathing techniques of Tantra can help you ground, center and stay focused on creating a safe, inviting atmosphere of pleasure!
Speaking of exciting and new! We know that a vast majority of women prefer spontaneous sex over planned intimacy. The paradox about spontaneity is that it doesn’t work very often without planning! If you want to surprise your lover, it means getting all the other little things taken care of first, making provisions for time alone somewhere romantic or naughty. She’s bound to appreciate all your planning and effort!
Finding the right moments to do something special seemingly on the spur of the moment will let your wife feel appreciated and encourage a more active, loving sex life on a regular basis!
Your routine is broken and now you have the skills to foster a warm, inviting environment for regular love and intimacy! Are you ready to master advanced foreplay techniques to take your lovemaking to the next level?