“Joy blooms where minds and hearts are open.” – Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When it comes right down to it, great sex isn’t all that hard with the right tools, foreplay, sexplay and aftercare – in other words, lots of attention and an open mind. You may struggle every step of the way with confidence and communication, but there is always help available if you’re willing to ask for it. Don’t make excuses for a bad sex life – do something about it.
We All Want It
You can psyche yourself out of revealing your secret desires all you want, but the truth of the matter is that we all like sex! There is just no getting around it. We may have different physical and emotional blockages that stop us from fully enjoying our bodies and the body of our partner, but when it comes right down to it we are all sexual beings. Ignoring that or convincing yourself that you are somehow strange or unique because of your fantasies will only lead to isolation and resentment. Sex is a normal, incredible, comforting, healing, stress-relieving, bonding good time!
If all your sex is after dark and you’re the roll-over-and-sleep type, you are neglecting an important part of the sexual experience – afterplay. Often called ‘aftercare’ by those who engage in powerplay and BDSM roleplaying, it is the opposite of foreplay. Whereas before sex you spend the time gearing up to a higher level of excitement, afterplay is about coming back down to earth.
Women take longer to relax and regroup after orgasm, and your lover may need reassuring or comforting regarding any issues or strange sensations that come up during play. Even a few sweet caresses and gentle cuddling can be enough to wrap up an energetic sex session to completion. Don’t leave her hanging.
Spontaneous sex is great, but to have time for all the foreplay and afterplay that goes along with sex, you’ll need to schedule time in your busy lives to relax and let go. Let your advance knowledge of your sex calender act as an aphrodisiac in and of itself! If you’re worried that a rigid schedule will take away from the spontaneity of sex, it’s time to get a bit more creative and come of with brand new ways to surprise and excite her in bed.
Sit down and talk it out. How much is enough? Too much? Are there times of the month that are better for sex than others? Don’t get too carried away – work on it together and come to a consensus for now. You can always change your mind later!
Marital Media – books, movies and more!
Aside from my own ebooks, the internet is a wealth of resources for curious lovers! There are thousands of books available from online resources, but the best way to find exactly what you want is to ask someone who knows. Couples-friendly sex toy retailers will have a wide variety of instructional books and videos, not to mention the offer of after-hours group classes and demonstrations, or personal instruction.
If you don’t need instruction, but instead are seeking just a bit of inspiration, try watching some good couple’s porn. If you haven’t watched porn in a while, or your wife is skeptical, pick a selection or two from the “Feature Film” for couple’s section. Porn has evolved into an interesting and complex art form with photos and videos available to satisfy just about any kink or plot preference! With any number of real-life or professional acted films from hilarious parody to art house indie, you can find something to please even the impossible prude. Check out great, edgy ‘legitimate’ cinema features like In the Cut, Secretary or Shortbus for a surprisingly sexy movie night without the stigma of porn.
…and touch somebody. Sexologists, sex therapists and other sex professionals don’t just specialize in specific disorders like Erectile Dysfunction and Premature Ejaculation. They are trained to function as guides and mediators to help improve all facets of your sex life. If you are struggling, and at home exercises from my ebooks are not quite enough to push through a specific stumbling block, take the time to find a professional who suits your needs and desires. There is no reason to suffer with an unsatisfying sex life when the secrets to great love and pleasure are right in front of you, waiting to be discovered.