Your Own Worst Enemy: Are You Blocking Her Back Door?
If anal sex is on your sex to-do list and not your wife’s, you probably aren’t going to be checking that one off anytime soon. But did you know that you could be the one who’s actually putting the brakes on? There are a number of common mistakes that men make when it comes ti initiating and engaging in anal sex, and any one of them could put an end to your access to her rear end! In fact, if there is even the slightest chance that someone else may have done one of these things to her in the past, it could be just as bad for you…
… but knowing the problem is half the solution.
1. You watch too much porn.
This one should be self-explanatory. Unless your wife is a porn star, it’s unlikely that she will have anal sex like a porn star. Get it? Twisted up positions, quick insertions, lubeless sex, quick cuts… none of these are indicative of real life experiences. Anal sex can be amazing and hot, but don’t have unrealistic expectations or you will both leave disappointed.
2. You don’t talk about it.
Most women don’t enjoy having the idea of their first anal experience sprung on them in the heat of the moment, especially if you do the springing by just going for it, instead of saying something first! If your wife can’t tell whether you are probing her anus on purpose, or just missing your mark, you have already gone astray with the experience.
If you have never had anal sex with your wife before, don’t bring it up during sex. Talk about it in a non-sexual environment, about what both of your needs and desires are, about any fears or worries. Decide on an agreement about trying it out and stick to it.
3. You aren’t ready.
If you forgot to bring lube, aren’t cleaned up, just ate a giant meal, don’t know your safe sex protocols, haven’t learned the first thing about anal anatomy and are just relying on your gutt instincts to do it right the first time, I suggest you rethink your plan. There is a wealth of information here for you to browse and learn everything you need to know to get started the right way. Don’t blow what might be your best chance at impressing her by going in there on blind faith.
4. She isn’t ready.
Not only may you need to calm her fears and soothe her worries, you have to make sure she is in a relaxed and aroused state before, during and after the experience. Warm her up with lots of foreplay and erotic massage, to get her muscles relaxed and her skin supple.
One of the best ways to encourage relaxation is through orgasm! Use whatever means necessary to bring her to orgasm with your fingers and mouth in particular. If she enjoys vaginal intercourse and can orgasm from that as well, get started there. Unless you wear a condom for anal, you won’t be able to come back to vaginal sex afterward without cleaning up, so enjoy it while you can!
Some women can come from anal stimulation alone, but if you really want to improve her chances of experiencing an orgasm during anal sex, you won’t ignore the rest of her genitals. Try placing a small dildo in her vagina before you enter her anus. Use your fingers or a vibrator on her clit.
If penetrative anal sex doesn’t work for you at first (for many women, it will be painful no matter what), start with something smaller. Do not use household objects! Buy a proper sex toy for the job. You can get sets of 3 or 4 butt plugs that start especially small and work up to something that might be the same width as an average penis. Don’t forget to use lube, even with the plugs, and don’t leave them in for too long at once. If you are using a lube that absorbs into the body, like water or oil, remember that there will be less lube to pull out the plug the longer it is inserted. Plugs are great to insert during manual and oral stimulation, after her first orgasm, and can be left in for very unique sensations during vaginal intercourse.
5. You aren’t paying attention.
It’s simple. If you can’t focus on a steady, slow rhythm and penetrating only as much as she is comfortable, or just staying still while she manages the insertion herself, things could get painful fast. Be mindful. Be still. If you must, lay back and have her kneel between your legs, facing away. She can spread her cheeks if necessary and you can hold your lubed penis still while she slowly backs up onto it at her own pace. It could take only a minute or two, it may take half an hour to get just the head inside, but if she can be in control her fear will dissapate and she can do what she needs to feel comfortable!