“Anyone who is in love is making love the whole time, even when they’re not. When two bodies meet, it is just the cup overflowing. They can stay together for hours, even days. They begin the dance one day and finish it the next, or – such is the pleasure they experience – they may never finish it. No eleven minutes for them” – Paulo Coelho
When she doesn’t want to, she doesn’t want to. But what about when she does want to but can’t get off the starting blocks? Yes, I’m talking about anal sex and the stuff that is usually getting in the way of a woman’s libido and desire to try it. Read bellow, I’m decoding – and knocking down – some of the most common obstacles on your path to getting back to winning bedroom form – anal style.
“I’m not in the mood”
Sometimes all you need to get horny is one sideways glance from your partner. Not even that – a glimpse of half her boob will do it. And you probably assume that it’s as easy as 1-2-3 for her, too. It’s actually harder for women, because the sexual response cycle in long-term relationships works differently. Once the honeymoon phase is over, you get your normal level of desire back, which is often lower for women. The way you get turned on is different as well. Men’s cycles are desire-arousal-orgasm. Whereas women’s are arousal-response-desire-orgasm. Women start in a neutral position, and first need to feel some arousal before that longing kicks in. So you need to pull out some better tricks than just kissing her for four seconds if you want her to get there, especially since we’re talking about anal sex.
External pressures can kill the mood, too – no matter how much she’s trying to focus on the task at hand. Stress has a huge effect. People who are anxious can find it difficult to become aroused. Even anxiety about the way her body looks, or her own performance, can make the idea feel daunting. So how do you shift from stress to sex? Get that water boiling during the day. It’s not about foreplay for two seconds, then sex. Have her think about it from when you wake up. Text her sexy thoughts, plan a hot date, etc. Also, when you both get home, instead of getting right down to business, have a bath together or a good old make-out session to kick her desire into gear.
“I’m too tired”
After slaving away at work and then slaving over dinner when she gets home (unless you just happen to be Jamie Oliver), sometimes she can’t muster up the energy to have sex, even when she wants to, especially anal. Women wake up with a huge to-do list, and often sex either isn’t on that list or is at the bottom. By the time you get to it, she’s exhausted. I suggest some ways around this problem: create “intimate opportunities” when she has energy – like sex first thing in the morning. You can also try sending your partner some texts throughout the day, which will help get you both in the mood. When you do hit the sheets, a leisurely marathon can be better than a sprint, especially when she’s tired. Suggest a position or an activity that she really enjoys, so that she reaches a clitoral orgasm faster and gets that much needed endorphin release. Then you can go ahead with anal teasing and do what you have to do to get her completely worked up.
“I hate him right now”
Unlike in the movies, where couples who have fights follow them up with sessions of red-hot loving, in reality a tiff can be a ladyboner-kill. Resentment and anger are signs of a build-up of issues, and can lead to her putting a wall up and not letting you in. The key is communication – talking about and resolving your issues can clear the way for some baggage-free sexy times. It’s important for both you and your partner to realize that women need emotional intimacy in order to feel in the mood for physical intimacy. When new arguments pop up, try to deal with them early on so they don’t snowball into colossal fights. And then reward yourself with some “we avoided that fight” sex. You’ve earned it.
5 tips for winning track records
- Plan it. Sex doesn’t have to be spontaneous to be amazing, especially the anal kind. If you prepare for it, you’ll also be in the mood for it.
- Love yourselves. Be in touch with your own sexualities. You’re not going to want sex if you don’t feel good about yourselves.
- Get closer. Go to bed at the same time. Have a shower together in the morning, snuggle on the couch – get intimate!
- Put sex first. Start to see closeness with your partner as being your number one priority.
- Foreplay all day. Flirt with your partner- chances are it will lead you both to the bedroom.
Have an extraordinary week,
P.S. Read this article together with your partner. In many occasions women don’t even realize what’s keeping them from enjoying great sex.