“The desire of the man is for the woman, but the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man”- Madame de Stael.
I like to call one person’s sexual individuality as his bed footprint, or bed DNA. We’re all different in so many aspects, why would things be different when it comes to sex? In order to learn your bed DNA and how to pair it with your partner’s, you must find out what type of libido you have.
Here’s a deconstructed list that will help you clear things out more rapidly. It’s best if you read this together with your partner, so that you both find out which area you fall out into.
Types of libidos:
- The Sensual Libido. Sex is an important part of the relationship for you, and you want both you and your partner to enjoy the benefits of orgasmic pleasure. To manage this, you make sure you satisfy all of your partner’s desires, but you want equal time in getting your wants and needs met, and aren’t afraid of letting your partner know what you find pleasurable. However, this doesn’t mean that you have sex for the sake of, well, sex. You care more about the emotional connections that becomes stronger between the two of you each time you reach another level of sensual euphoria.
- The Erotic Libido. You want sex to be intense and passionate, at least some of the times. You can cope with periods of ordinary sex, provided there are regular opportunities for adventurous and sizzling sex. If you have a strong erotic libido, you get little or no pleasure from low key sex and this might cause problems in your relationship, because your partner might start to feel a pressure to perform at great heights all of the time, which is never good.
- The Dependent Libido. You need sex to cope with problems. Sex soothes you and makes you feel better. You probably masturbated a lot in your teenage years, mainly to better deal with bad feelings such as stress, boredom or anxiety. If your partner doesn’t want to do it when you want, because your too emotional state, you tend to interpret it as a lack of love and caring. It’s like she’s refusing to give you the medicine you need to… feel better.
- The Reactive Libido. You care more about the sexual needs of your partner. You might even end up ignoring your own desires if you feel they aren’t what your partner usually enjoys. You put a lot of effort into foreplay and can only orgasm once you make sure she did. If your partner is not in the mood, you’d rather masturbate than impose your own sexual needs.
- The Entitled Libido. You assume that it’s your God given right to get whatever you want in your sexual relationship. If you want hot steamy sex, you should be given the opportunity to have hot steamy sex. If, on the contrary, you want cuddling, your partner should provide you with just that. You are very influenced by the idealization of sex in movies and books and think that you are entitled to have the same great sex they’re having on screen. Because you’re you. And you’re that special.
- The Addictive Libido. Your problem is that you can’t seem to resist the lure of having sex outside your relationship. It’s not that you don’t love your partner; it’s that you’re constantly craving more. You think that couple sex is boring compared to the dangerous allure of doing it with a complete stranger or a fuck buddy, for example. Like any addiction, it’s the behavior that controls you rather than vice versa, and although you might feel bad when cheating, you just can’t stop doing it. Some therapy sessions and counseling are in need here.
- The Stressed Libido. You’re always on your toes, constantly worrying about your performance and about whether what you are doing is pleasurable or not. You tend to avoid having sex for fear of failure, even though you might still be very aroused. You’re a fan of masturbation, because in these moments the pressure is off and you can enjoy the pleasure wholeheartedly.
- The Disinterested Libido. There are persons that have naturally low libidos. They practically have no physical or emotional problem with having sex, they just seem to not be in the mood. If you’re one of those, you might develop feelings of guilt and defensiveness because you’re not able to satisfy your partner. However, you must accept that you have not chosen to be a disinterested libido type, and my guess is that you wish you did feel like sex and enjoy it as other people seem to.
- The Detached Libido. The detached libido type usually feels sexual desire but is too preoccupied with other life issues to seek out couple sex, usually masturbating to relieve sexual frustrations because it is the simpler solution. Being overwhelmed by stress from financial or work pressure, you might think that sex is the last thing on your list right now, but be aware that this attitude does more wrong than good.
- The Compulsive Libido. While the Erotic libido wants to explore all the wondrous variety of sexual activities that are now openly discussed in our society, the compulsive lover has one main sexual object or situation that triggers sexual arousal. Some sexual compulsions can be incorporated into a sexual relationship, but others, such as the compulsive use of Internet pornography, excludes a partner. Extreme compulsive libido types can only arouse using the sexual object or ritual, which creates a lot of damage inside the relationship, because a unilateral position in this area is bound to lead to frustrations from the opposite part.
Have a sizzling week,
P.S. Know that perfect sexual compatibility is rare and probably only occurs in romance novels, so try and make the best of the situation you are in, without dreaming of impossible standards, which will leave you both unsatisfied.