It’s not about where you put your hands. Or even your lips.
Did it ever happen to you? You like someone and you’re looking forward to kissing them, but when you finally do, it’s so bad – that person is bobbing against your mouth with dry, mechanical rhythm – you’re actually bummed and disappointed? Being a terrible kisser is really a problem. And one that many men don’t think they need to fix.
Imagine you’re on a great date with someone, but as soon as you are in front of their apartment and you start kissing, you go rigid. You just stand there, moving your head with all the ease and finesse of and eighth-grader. No matter how great you actually are in the sack, if you don’t know what to tease and attract a woman with your kissing routine, your romantic career is basically over.
We talk a lot about bad sex as a deal breaker, but I think bad sex is way more workable than bad kissing. With bad sex, you can critique specific things your partner is doing without sounding like you’re critiquing them as a person. (“Less rotary dial, more push-button!”) We’re used to getting feedback about sex—when someone gives us feedback in bed, we just think it’s sexy that they know what they want.
Kissing is different. Kissing is governed by passion, not technique, and it’s much harder to comment on the former. When you acknowledge that you didn’t enjoy a kiss, you’re usually acknowledging that you don’t have chemistry with someone.
That’s why knowing how to kiss is important. If you want to build serious attraction and arouse a prospect partner, you’ve got to really know what to do with those lips of yours. This is actually your first real bonding moment on the path to sex, so you’ve got to make sure you’re doing everything right.
For more information on how you can increase your degree of desirability with the ladies, check out this program called Super Natural by my friend Julian Foxx, which covers everything from how to get the hottest women to how to get out of the friend-zone – if you happen to be in one. NOTE: This program was NOT created by me.
But what makes a kiss good or bad?
A good kiss is one in which no one feels self-conscious.
As one friend put it, “A good kiss happens when neither person is taking it too seriously, particularly in the early stages. Mid-kiss smiling is great.” Ideally, you’re so consumed by your lust for your partner that you’re not worrying about the mechanics. Sure, you should keep some basic kissing guidelines in mind: Your target should under no circumstances feel as though your tongue will cause them to choke, and everybody’s spit should stay in between the mouths—a terrible kiss requires you to wipe your mouth afterward.
But when neither of you is overthinking it, those logistics come more naturally. You don’t fret about where you’re putting your hands. (I like one in my hair, one at my waist.) Kissing is like breathing: If you start thinking too hard about it, you’re no longer able to do it properly and you start to feel faint. I find it helpful to mentally zero in on the kissee’s most attractive feature. If you cannot isolate an attractive feature, abort.
The real mastery comes in making your kissing counterpart feel comfortable.
Permission is important. For a long time I thought that when a man asked if he could kiss me, he destroyed the spontaneity and thus the romance. But in recent years I’ve started to really like being the arbiter of the kissing—I’ve started to like being the arbiter of everything. Seeking consent is never corny. It’s just hot.
Beyond giving and receiving enthusiastic permission, the best way to make someone feel confident is also the simplest: Tell them they’re a good kisser.
Unless you’re kissing someone with whom you have absolutely no chemistry, someone who is inextricably wound up in their anxieties, or one of those 0.0003 percent of people who really are inherently, clinically bad kissers, affirmation will fix it. Even if they suck (literally), before you write off someone you like as a bad kisser, try a Hail Mary lie. Pause for a breath and say, “Wow, you’re an amazing kisser.” Yes, they might continue doing whatever unsettling thing they’re doing. More likely: They’ll relax, and you’ll have a really good kiss.
P.S. If you haven’t polished your kissing routine in quite some thing – thinking it’s unnecessary – then you shouldn’t wonder why your hookups lead anywhere. For more information on how to really tease the opposite sex and make any woman desire you with all her flesh and blood, check out this program called Super Natural by my friend Julian Foxx. Just doing what Julian teaches you here can literally triple how many women you bed this year. NOTE: This program was NOT created by me.