“If she’s still able to walk to the kitchen after sex, you don’t deserve a sandwich.”
Some jobs come with lots of paperwork, some with tons of fresh air, others with pool tables and pianos. This one comes with lots of stories. Really good stories. A few of which put the “ting” in riveting, let me tell you. I hear about coitus the way postmen gossip about the mail. “You put what in whose slots?!” I can also tell you whatever quirk you have, I’ve probably heard of it.
But every now and again, I come across something new. And this month I’ve heard a few stories to fit into that category. Because while I might chinwag about orgasms on the regular, every now and again one comes along that’s so akin to losing your pants in a freak sand storm: it happens when you least expect it. And it’s a situation that makes for a pretty provocative story.
With this in mind, here are three of the most unusual (and unexpected) ways to orgasm I’ve ever heard. A trio of titillation, if you will.
#1 Putting your best foot forward
Feet are the cause of many a memorable sexual fascination – this in itself is something new. Foot binding, feet fetishes and lusting for heels are not unheard of, but here’s one that might surprise you – unless your partner is one of the women who happens to experience this medical anomaly, of course. While most ladies need genital stimulation to get their rocks off, some can reach Pleasure Peak simply from taking off their socks. Or more specifically, from having their bare feet touched or massaged.
That’s right, footgasms! So, a pedicure with a happy ending? I’m listening! Scientists haven’t entirely worked out why, mind you. The theory is that it has something to do with where the nerve of the foot travels up the leg and joins the spinal cord. So, essentially, the foot bone’s connected to the leg bone, the leg bone’s connected to the pelvic bone… I’m no scientist, but you get the idea.
Some women even report orgasmic sensation from walking on textured surfaces. Quick, let’s all book a two-week holiday to Pebbly Beach! It’s not your everyday I-have-a-headache-pass-me-the-Panadol problem, I admit. But as far as medical complications go, I feel like this one doesn’t really put a foot wrong.
#2 Birthday blowout
So this is the weirdest of the weird. It’s an orgasmic situation so odd I decided it best to sandwich it between two other weird things in order to contain the weirdness. Let me get right to the crux of it: one can orgasm while giving birth. It seems bringing a new life into the world can stimulate the same tissue that helped thrust them into existence nine months earlier – in fact, up to 0.3 per cent of births can be classified as orgasmic or ecstatic.
Because, you know, expelling a human being from your torso wasn’t an elaborate enough situation to begin with. The docs have their theories, of course. The most common is that it’s a biological straddling of the pleasure/pain tightrope – it acts as a natural painkiller in what’s possibly one of the most painful situations you’re ever likely to be in (not you, but your partner): head the size of a watermelon, anyone? Before we move on to the next point, may I just quietly suggest never discussing this topic with your mother for fear of finding out your birthday was once such an odd scenario. Too much information to the 8936th degree.
#3 Sweat it out
Chalking up another one to science, there’s also now evidence that a vigorous orgasm can bring on orgasm. And to think I used to fake notes to get out of gym class! These exercise induced climaxes seem to happen most frequently when a woman is doing moves engaging her core – climbing things, lifting weights, biking up a hill, downward dogging it.
This, too, is a lady-specific condition that peeps in white coats can’t quite explain yet (good one, female biology, constantly teasing science with your general amazingness) and it doesn’t even require direct physical stimulation of any kind. If you or your partner are interested – and why wouldn’t you be – “captain chair” leg raises seem to be the most common incitement.
So, if the lure of a fitter body wasn’t enough to get your partner to the weights room to pump a little iron, perhaps this little nugget will get her over the line. To be honest, if I owned a gym I’d be using it in my advertising campaign. “Come down to visit us and in your pants you’ll feel a rush!” Gyms, you can have that one on me. You’re welcome.
Have a sexy week,
P.S. Do you know any other weird ways to get off? Maybe your partner shared them with you or you discovered them by trying. Do share them with the rest of us!