“Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave.” – He’s just not that into you
One TV, 15 flicks, and seven reasons I blame them for bad relationship, either sex-wise or beyond. Take George Clooney for example. He has a lot to answer for. Watching even a decidedly average rom-com starring him and Michelle Pfeiffer, may prompt your girlfriend to point out to the screen and ask, “Why can’t you be like that?”. I’ve got a lot of women come to me and sigh like damsels in distress that their respective boyfriends don’t act like the actor from their favorite romantic flick, which, according to them, contains the definition of how a true magic relationship should be.
After hearing a few stories like that, it hit me like a hairbrush in the face. Forget Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. The real difference between the sexes is that women want life to be like in the movies, where their very own George Clooney will carry them off into the sunset. Admittedly, men want life to be like in the movies, too. But whereas you know, deep down, that the plot of Die Hard won’t happen to you (and if it did, you might not react in the same way as Bruce Willis), women seem to view chick flicks as actual designs for living.
So, armed with a stack of DVDs, I decided to spend a week-end feasting on romantic comedies to see what the deal is about. These are my six life lessons, according to lovelorn cinema, and what you, as a guys, should learn from them regarding the psychology of women.
- Women want a knight in shining armor. “Pretty Woman” is the holy grail of chick flicks. It has convinced lots of women that it’s totally normal for a billionaire to meet a prostitute and spirit her away from her life in a Rolls Royce. Pretty handy, I’d say, but totally unreal. The hard lesson: Women want men to be rich and on standby to rescue them. What you can do about it? Be her down-to-earth knight in shining armor. Listen to her when she confesses her problems. Try to lend a hand or a supporting shoulder for her to cry on. Deep down, she doesn’t really expect you to pay her credit loans and buy her a trip for life to the Bahamas. But she’ll love you if you demonstrate you’re in it together and her problems are also yours, even if only figuratively.
- Geeks are hot. In “The Wedding Singer”, Drew Barrymore falls for a charmingly dorky singer who turns out to be the love of her life. The reason: looks and popularity aren’t all that. Love is all that matters, and it can take many shapes and forms. This is actually solid advice. So, even if you’re a nerd, you can still make women swoon. Don’t try to change your personality by becoming a stereotype of what you think women like: a macho man who also quotes from Shakespeare when need comes. Be yourself and the right girl will come to you. And stay.
- Even cool girls are damsels in distress. “Clueless” is a clever, funny movie that shows even alpha-female types are vulnerable and that, deep down, all they want is to be loved. This is, in fact, also true. Sometimes the popular, sorted girls need help too, and if you’re the one that stands beside them at the right moment, they’ll appreciate it. You don’t have to put a woman on a pedestal just because she’s a managing partner at the biggest law firm in the country. Sure, she’ll love that for a while, but she’ll love it more if you take her down and hold her hand.
- Your fate is written in the stars. Fate is a belief that there’s an order to the cosmos that has mapped our lives ahead. In “Serendipity”, Kate Beckinsale leaves her entire love life to the hands of destiny. She goes by the premise that you don’t have to search for the love of your life, it will find you. Chances of that actually happening: zero! Women tend to put other things at the mercy of fate as well. Their sex lives, for example. If your girlfriend is one of those, don’t stand and wait beside her, take the lead and show her that problems don’t solve themselves, you have to work for this to happen. Your sexual chemistry won’t just magically appear one night, after a couple of glasses of wine. Get in bed and start working on it. Intercourse after intercourse!
- Men are basically big, stupid children. As I watched Vince Vaughn in “The Break-Up”, I became depressed. Because, according to the plot, men only think about how to get Mr. Winky happy. It’s alarming how many women vouch to that. What you can do about it: start showing her that she’s a child when if she believes in clichés like that. If she doesn’t get it, move on to greener (and smarter!) pastures.
- Bland chicks can be sex kittens, too. In “Dirty Dancing”, Patrick Swayze (at last, a decent male character!) brings out the woman in Jennifer Grey’s teen girl through the medium of dancing. I think that’s actually accurate. Never judge a book by its covers, because quiet girls are hot, too, once you get them to truly and fully open up.
Have a romantic week,
P.S. The next time she sighs at the sight of Ryan Gosling doing something romantic, take her to bed and show her what real love looks like!