We all know that man who exudes charisma with the ladies, whether it’s a devotion-inducing hunk, George Clooney, or that charming colleague who has the whole team of ladies eating out of his palm at the office Christmas party. For the Ancient Greeks, charisma meant “the gift of grace”, and we still think of it as an innate and elusive quality that you’re either born with, or you’re not.
However, my friend Jessica Lastimosa believes it is a trainable skill that can – and should – be learnt if you want to succeed with the ladies. Check out her program – Speak to Spark Arousal – and let her teach you how to trigger the Override Effect in a woman, which is the key to making her lose control and aggressively pursue you. NOTE: This program was NOT created by me.
When we think about a man having sexual charisma, it’s often the type of man who draws women in by making them feel at ease and sparking their sensual curiosity. But it’s also about having a very strong, Alpha Male identity. Charismatic men don’t change to fit in women’s desires, it’s the other way around.
That’s why there’s this myth that you either have this almost innate quality or you just don’t. I have a lot of male friends who complain to me about this and who tell me this is the reason they don’t get lucky with the ladies. “Whatever sexual charisma is, I don’t have it”, a patient of mine told me at some point during a conversation about his bad luck picking up women. I of course told him that’s not the case and showed him what he had to do to change this around. He’s now in a solid relationship with a woman who he once thought was out of his league.
Even if your likeability is not sky high and you wouldn’t say you’re particularly charismatic or magnetic, that doesn’t mean you can’t get the ladies you want to get. Even if talking to a lady you just met makes you feel shaky, not sparkling, and at parties you’re more likely to be cramming in canapes than holding court, you can still win the dating game. Because yes, one-to-one charisma – the magic ‘it factor’ when it comes to women – can indeed be learnt.
First of all, check out your body language when you are with a woman.
If you’re keeping your legs crossed, arms folded in your lap and shoulders slumped, you’re deliberately making yourself small. But this doesn’t mean you have to run to the other extreme – puffin yourself up to feel powerful. Sure, women are hardwired to be attracted to strength, but if a guy is too dominating, they may feel threatened. Charismatic men naturally take up the right amount of space in a room. Think of the handshake that’s no too firm or too floppy. Also, being charismatic doesn’t always mean being the life and soul of the party. It’s a common misconception that charisma is purely the domain of extroverted men.
Second of all, really listen to how you talk about yourself and how you present yourself to a woman.
If you start confidently enough, but after you’re trailing off into nervous laughter and inventing random hobbies, it’s not great. Pay attention to not use too many filter words – starting with ‘so’ and saying ‘umm’ every other sentence. When you want to use ‘umm’, visualize a full stop and take a breath. Silence is very powerful and short sentences are easier to follow. Also, pay attention to your body language while you’re talking. Use softer, expressive hand gestures that bring the woman into your world. And don’t raise your voice at the end of your statements, because it makes them sound like questions – and this sends the message that you’re asking for approval.
Next off, active listening
This is key to making a woman feel at ease and a big part of charisma. A lot of men think they’re good listeners, but they’re often very quick to rush in empathize – ‘That happened to me, too’; or put words in the woman’s mouth – ‘You must be really excited about that’. By allowing for pauses, you get much more meaningful, nuanced answers. Also, never ask yes or no questions like ‘Did you have a good weekend?’. This makes the woman in front of you unsure how much detail to give. Open-ended questions like ‘How was your weekend?’ are much better. Other no-nos? Breaking eye contact too soon (signals nervousness or disinterest), and too much nodding (Seems insincere – nod once and then remain still). Another neat trick? If she mentions feeling positive about something, reinforce that in a question (‘So you felt pleasantly surprised, did you?’) and she will leave the conversation associating that positive emotion with you.
All in all, you have to get out of your ‘reptilian brain’ (which is our fight or flight mode) and into your ‘human brain’ (which is slower, more thoughtful and more rational). Charismatic men tend to be calm and warm, and naturally get women into this mode too.
P.S. If you want to change how women see you, you can. It’s not some kind of superpower only select few have. Check out my friend Jessica Lastimosa’s program on the key to making women feel aroused around you – Speak to Spark Arousal – and you’ll learn some very important lessons for making women see you as a sexual beast and approach you. NOTE: This program was NOT created by me.