Awkwardness on a first date can be the stuff nightmares are made of. I spell out the right things to say to fill the lulls.
First dates are hard enough without uncomfortable silences lingering in the air. After all, there’s only so much polite laughter and forced observations about the menu you can deal with. Find yourself drawing a blank? Just start simple. It’s best to try to start by asking questions that are easy to answer, like ‘how was your day?’ or ‘what did you do this weekend?’. After all, there’s a lot riding on the quality of conversation on a first date, especially if you want there to be a second.
The key to nailing it is to define what you are looking for, and what you want your date to see in you. I remember when I was dating, my checklist for a first date was to find out whether he truly was single and looking to date, he had a job in an industry he loved, he was financially independent, and he had a sense of humor. Having said that, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. While carrying cue cards isn’t recommended, definitely remember these conversational starters.
And if you want more information on picking up any woman you want, check out this program, The Rise of the Phoenix, by my friend Sebastian Harris. It will help you gain the unshakable confidence that’s needed to attract the hottest women easy and without any hassles. It really does work and you’ll be positively surprised by how uncomplicated the whole process is. NOTE: This program was NOT created by me.
IF YOU MET HER ONLINE
If you both have decided to meet in person, your first few conversations probably went well. You now have a chance to find out what her first impression was, so asking a question like, ‘what about my profile appealed to you?’ will give insight into her priorities and preferences.
WHEN YOU HIT A WALL: You can always bring up something she said before the date. This is also a great way to show her you were listening.
ON A BLIND DATE
Since blind dates come with no expectations or prejudices, asking open-ended questions is your best bet. A conversation starter that always worked for me was ‘what is your day job?’ It helps open up the conversation about what she studied and how she reached her current position. Another wide-open question? ‘Tell me about your family.’
WHEN YOU HIT A WALL: In case a mutual friend set you up, sharing a story about that friend would help build some common ground.
DATING A COLLEAGUE
Leave the shoptalk for coffee machine chatter. Take this chance to get to know who she is outside the workplace. What does she do on weekends? Who are her oldest friends? What is her favorite childhood memory? Just remember that unless things get more serious, anything you say might do the rounds in the office, so hold off on the embarrassing stories for a little while.
WHEN YOU HIT A WALL: If it comes down to it, sharing work stories can build on the familiarity you already share, and ease the nerves.
Knowing what not to say can be as important, if not more. I say everything is game except politics, religion, marriage, and exes. Avoid these other pitfalls as well.
• Don’t spend the whole date talking only about yourself. This shows a lack of interest and is a big turn off for women.
• Avoid complaining about workplace or family drama. You’ve just met this woman, don’t be a Negative Nancy right from the beginning or else she’ll be put off by your vibe.
• Don’t bring up sexual preferences. Too soon – she’ll think you’re a pervert.
• Avoid discussing money. If you brag about having them – it shows a superficial personality. If you complain about not having them – you’re manifesting your insecurities.
• Don’t vent, even if you’ve had a rough day. She’s not there to solve your problems or soak up your bad energy. She probably has her own problems.
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