rav·ish
[rav-ish] verb (used with object)
1. to fill with strong emotion, especially joy.
2. to seize and carry off by force.
Modern men can often be wary of taking the lead in sexual situations, or shy about expressing the full force of their desire. Bring brought up to respect a woman’s personal space and to understand the importance of nonviolence can often lead to passive-aggressive behavior instead. You attempt to “convince” someone of your desirability, rather than simply assuming it and moving on to negotiating consent. In fact, in most modern relationships, the negotiation of consent is utterly lacking.
Until recently, “erotic ravishment” was something on the lips and tongues of a kinky few, but today more couples are coming to the conclusion that a bit of alpha-male attraction is just the kind of action they need between the sheets. Missing out on the machismo, tired of passive posturing and lackadaisical lovemaking, today’s couples are exploring the incredibly vast array of sexual situations that can be enjoyed went consent is taken seriously and negotiating gets sexy. Erotic ravishment is only one of these amazing adventures, and we are going to explore it in detail today as we discuss the nature of this play and the people who enjoy it most!
Which Women?
While not all women will be immediately comfortable with the idea of erotic ravishment, experts of the past like Nancy Friday have found that fantasies focusing on the giving up or taking away of female power are at the center of many women’s internal erotic narrative. If your lover has ever asked for it harder, expressed an interest in your “manly” or “macho” side, enjoys a smack on the butt or your hand on her neck… she might just be up for a ravishing experience!
Ravishment can take many forms. Perhaps your lover likes to be persuaded by your physical presence, made to feel incredible pleasure before “giving in” to your mounting pressure. It’s possible that she wants sex to be fast and furious, up against the wall, before she hardly has a sense of what’s happened. Maybe she wants to be surprised, maybe she wants the anticipation of waiting for it all day long… but however she wants it, she wants to let loose and lose control with someone strong enough to take that responsibility from her and hold it dearly.
It can be unbelievably freeing to let go of all thoughts, preconceptions, shames, worries and stresses surrounding sexuality and pleasure, and give those things to someone else to wield. It can also be an incredible responsibility for you to bear, so it is important to be prepared with an intricate knowledge of your partner and what exactly it is she is giving to you with this powerful gift.
Talk About It
Consent and negotiation are of the utmost importance in this kind of exploration, as one person’s idea of a ravishing experience can be so different from another’s. Use a safe word and discuss things clearly before you play. You may want to start by telling each other sexy stories. This kind of foreplay allows you both to express some of your fantasies and desires, then take the time when you are both turned on to talk about which of those desires you might want to implement in your own play.
Does she want to be coy and playful, or feisty and fighting; sultry and experienced, or shy and naïve? Should you be rough and rude, or romantic and smooth; hard and fast, or slow and sensual? There is no one right way! Your specific styles and her particular desires can combine into a thousand different scenarios – a regular ritual that becomes your go-to game at playtime or something new and different every single time. Take the time to talk about your experiences after as well, because your mileage may differ. Just because something sounds sexy when you talk about it doesn’t mean it will actually work out that way, so be sure you both understand what parts were enjoyable, and more importantly… why they were fun. It may take you a while to get to the bottom of it all, but coming to terms with your motivations are important. What benefit do you gain from the experience?
Whether it’s a smack on the ass, a hand on the throat, some serious dirty talk, or just some rough sex up against the kitchen counter, the particulars of our role playing and intense sexual experiences can bring up deep emotions and new feelings which should be explored if we are to evolve along with our partners on this incredible journey.
Have a sensual week,
Gabrielle Moore
P.S. You can’t fully enjoy a new experience if you’re going to be hung up on the fact that it’s so not something you usually do. So instead, decide together that you’re going to take a chance, check your inhibitions at the door, and adopt a let’s-just-have-fun-with-it attitude.
