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Take your love to an epic level

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Take your love to an epic level

“Civilized people cannot fully satisfy their sexual instinct without love” – Bertrand Russell

Who doesn’t want to be one of those couples who have such unreal amounts of chemistry, the air practically shimmers around them? Experts say that with enough lust and trust, we can all have it, or at least come close.

Maybe you’ve already experienced a gripping, all consuming, complete-each-other relationship at some point in your life. Wherever you went – to a bar, to the movies, to the grocery store – it felt as if you and your girl were the only people there. Like the world was so as-it-should-be when you were together that it practically stopped turning when you parted ways. Experts refer to that supercharged, almost electric phenomenon as consummate, epic love. It’s like the holy grail of love: a perfect blend of passion, intimacy and commitment. Not only are the partners best friends who connect with each other on a very deep emotional level, but they also can’t keep their hands off each other – so the sex is mind blowing. Not surprisingly, this love of all loves is hard to find and hard to maintain. But it is possible. More good news: it’s also possible to transform a comfortable relationship into the crazy-connected kind, if you’re willing to take a few risks.

It starts with lust

Without exception, all epic loves start with a massive dose of lust – when you meet someone and, the second you lock eyes, your thighs go up in flames. According to experts, that amped-up sexual pull isn’t a product of your imagination – it’s rooted in biology. When you’re instantly attracted to someone, your body actually produces a surge of the sex hormones estrogen and testosterone, meaning you’re physiologically more turned on. But that’s just the beginning. Truly epic love takes longer than that to develop. Experts agree that you need at least three months to move beyond infatuation to true love. The first month is filled with lust. During the second month, you discover your partner’s deeper qualities and interests. If you have some shared ones, you could be on your way to epic. But the more significant qualifier goes beyond physical lust and common interests: it’s when your values mirror each other’s. Epic love can’t ever come from a genuine, authentic place faster than three months. To connect fully with someone on the most intimate level, you have to trust their values – and you just can’t do that until you’ve known them for a long enough period of time. If someone is laying out their core values to you right at the beginning of a relationship, it’s likely not coming from a genuine place, and that’s a big red flag. But if each passing month and each new revelation about how you both think and feel brings you closer together, you’re well into epic territory.

Why epic love can be so explosive

Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder, J.Lo and Ben Affleck, Heidi Klum and Seal… there’s an integral aspect of epic love that makes it especially apt to go up in flames: the power dynamic is completely equal – both parties know that they have found their match. There is no sense that anyone has settled or that anyone could do any better. But as a result of being so perfectly matched, neither partner gives in easily – so when epic lovers butt heads, it can lead to epic, destructive arguments. Ironically, the passion that fuels their attraction is the same passion that fuels their fights. Some couples survive and even thrive on this intense push-pull because they’re able to compromise, but others don’t. For them, a never-ending tug-of-war over minor differences ends up tearing them apart. In order for an over-the-top love affair to last, both people have to be willing to curb their ego on a regular basis.

Upgrade your love

Any elevated emotion is hard to maintain over long periods of time, and epic love is no exception. If your relationship started out hot, hot, hot and you have that nothing-compares-to-you connection but you’re currently spending more time chilling in your sweatpants than lighting each other on fire, you can still raise the bar. There are two key strategies.

First, show your partner you’re still absolutely crazy about her. Every. Single. Day. It sounds obvious, but if you both go out of your way to demonstrate your love as often as possible, it really helps keep your connection charged up. Your romantic gestures don’t have to be big, but they do have to have a certain intensity. Roll over in bed in the morning, look her straight in the eye for a drawn-out moment, and tell her you love her, send her a text in the middle of the day letting her know that you are hands down the luckiest guy in the world, or describe exactly how you felt the first time you met her. The goal is to keep your love declarations frequent, surprising and emphatic.

Second, you have to continually up your sexual game. That means grabbing her as she walks by you and giving her a hard kiss, whispering things that make the hairs on her back stand on end, and bringing an endless stream of new moves to bed with you. Novelty releases the feel-good hormone dopamine, which in turn cranks up arousal. Open conversations about what you both like in bed and want to try next is a must. And if there’s something she’s craving, always consider it. Even if you’re not willing to grant her every wish, you can find a way to satisfy some aspect of the urge. In turn, it’s crucial for you to initiate conversations about your own fantasies and discuss how you’d love to see them play out in real life. Yes, that kind of openness takes guts and balls-to-the-wall honesty, but that’s a part of what makes epic love so, well, epic.

Have a hot week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Since novelty is the key to upgrading sex from good to wow, you’re going to need fresh ideas, so stay close!

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1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. Mario

    January 27, 2013 at 5:56 pm

    Dear friend Gabrielle, my answer to your question is: not yet but I hope one day it will be! I am still single at the age of 61, and still living with my parents which are both 87, but I am still polishing my armor. I will keep polishing it until it becomes so malleable as plastic but so resistent as carbon fiber and so shiny as the Sun, just to permit the Love to enter into myself and stay there forever. At your today’s article you bring to the Light a very interesting subject: the Love, particularly the Epic Love, which, according to your own words is rare but existis, and should be pesecuted. And also the possibility to explore all the other forms of Love to, at least, to live a better, life as you have said. In my concern the Love is a special felling which is like a coin, I mean it has two faces, and, according to the circunstances around it, it can take us to the Heaven but also to the Hell. It all depends on how we take care of the circunstances in which the Love will flourish. Sometimes I think that Love is a kind of trick that Mother Nature gifted us as an actrative just to stimulate us to take the second step wich is the practice of the Sexual Act to do the Procriation in order to produce more and more life. But sometimes I think that the Sexual Act first appeared, in a violent form, at the beggining (Stone Age for exemple, or even before) just because we were not at the top of the food chain but we were food ourselves to the stronger animals. So, at that moment, the Procriation was mandatory, and urgent, independent of the existence of the Love. Due to the evolution of our species, actually we carry in ourselves both alternatives, and, supported and sponsored by the level of our sexual hormones we can sometimes be in one side of the balance and sometimes in the other side of it. I have tried to be in the middle with the tendence to the side of the Love. As I said this is a vast field of study and I suggest you to keep following this line, I mean, mixing Love and Sex, because we could take the advantage of knowing both subjects at the same time.MY Best Regards.

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