I hope you’re enjoying the beautiful autumn weather as much as I am. As the weather gets colder it makes me think of one thing: cozying up and “hibernating” for winter with the one I love. Winter is the perfect time to heat things up in the bedroom as temperatures drop outside. After all, what else are you going to do all season long? Before the cold weather really sets in it’s time to do some studying up on one of my favorite topics, the female orgasm. To say that it is elusive to many men might be an understatement. Many men find women confusing and mysterious, and their orgasms?? Even more so! So, it’s time to learn a little more about the ins and outs (pun intended 😉 of her orgasm. This information will help you a great deal in the bedroom and it will finally give you a little piece of mind that women aren’t AS complicated as you might fear.
Excitement, Build up and the Big O
Many sexologists believe that men and women experience sexual desire and excitement differently. For men, sexual desire is usually the first step in the sexual response cycle, but that’s not always the case for women. Whereas men can feel desire just at the thought of having sex, women often need a little more than that. Some women might feel desire just at the thought of sex, but they might not all the time. Sometime they might not feel desire until they have already experienced some foreplay. This is great reason to take things slow with your partner, pamper her, pay attention to what she likes during foreplay, and really work to get her into the mood.
Just like with men, blood rushes to the vagina and clitoris during sexual excitement. Her clitoris will begin to get bigger and stick out more and her vagina will begin to secrete beads of lubrication. You might also notice her breathing getting quicker, her heart beating faster, and her nipples getting erect. What you might not notice, but will be thankful for, is that her lower vagina becomes more narrow in order to better grip onto your penis and the upper part expands in order to give you room to enter her completely. Pretty cool, huh?
Depending on where and how you stimulate her genitals, tension will begin to build up in the nerves and muscles in her genitals, pelvis, butt, and thighs. If you do it right her body will eventually release all of that built up tension in the waves of pleasure known as her orgasm. When she orgasms her uterus, vagina, and anus will contract at the same time at 0.8 second intervals. An orgasm can have anywhere from 3 to 15 of these contractions. Some women experience clitoral orgasms, others vaginal, and others some kind of combination of the two. During orgasm other muscles in her body might contract involuntarily. Maybe she makes a cute or funny face when she cums or her toes curl up. All of that happens without her thinking of it or being able to control it.
When things go wrong…
Women, just like men, can get a form of “blue balls” if the built up tension they experience during sexual excitement isn’t released. Not to worry though, just like for guys, it doesn’t have any bad long term effects. It’s just a bit of discomfort. For women it takes the form of a heaviness and aching in the pelvis. It’s not the end of the world, so don’t get hung up on that if your partner isn’t able to orgasm every time you have sex. Here are a couple things that can go wrong.
- She’s not getting enough clitoral stimulation or it’s not the right kind. Many times you might sense she’s getting close to orgasm and change something up that makes her lose her orgasm. Tell her to touch herself the next time she’s on top and observe how she does it so you can be sure to please her just how she likes it.
- Her mind is the other thing that keeps her from orgasming. She could be suffering from something called “spectatorship,” which is when a women is so wrapped up in thinking about how she looks or how she is performing that she can’t fully enjoy herself. Some women might be so distracted with their thoughts that it keeps them from ever fully getting excited. Your best bet is to ease her into it by giving her favorite forms of foreplay (think oral sex, erotic massage, etc.). You can’t control what goes on in her head, but try to put her mind at ease if you think she might be worrying her orgasm away. Have sex with the lights off if it makes her relax more. Tell her how sexy and hot she is.
Okay, guys, now you know how we orgasm, and now it’s time to put that knowledge to good work. Cozy up under a blanket in front of the fireplace and get to work.