“I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.” —Zsa Zsa Gabor
If you’re like most men, you’ve probably made love to a woman who hasn’t had an orgasm. It can be extremely difficult for her to climax during lovemaking—in fact, she may never have done so!
I know so many women who have given up on having orgasms during sex simply because they don’t think it will ever happen. A majority of women in long-term relationships have sex because they feel they have to, not because they want to. Over 90% of women fake orgasms to get the act of sex over with, and up to 50% of men have female partners who never ask for sex.
What’s the reason for all these dismal statistics? It all comes down to one simple fact: It’s a lot more difficult for a woman to have an orgasm than it is for a man.
Let’s examine a few reasons why.
Her Body isn’t Build Like Yours
The most obvious reason why women have a more difficult time reaching orgasms is physical. A woman’s sexual anatomy is designed differently than a man’s. A man’s penis is not only completely visible, but it can also easily be stimulated, and all you have to do is look at a man to see whether or not he’s aroused.
A woman’s main pleasure center is her clitoris, almost all of which is concealed within her pelvis. Due to its location, the clitoris isn’t directly stimulated through normal penetration. Furthermore, signs of a woman’s arousal may not be as easy to spot unless her partner knows what to look for, which isn’t always easy.
The consequences of these physical differences are that women require more in the way of sexual stimulation to achieve an orgasm. This doesn’t mean they are any less capable of climaxing; it just means that it typically takes a little more time, effort and education about your partner’s body.
The Brain is Her Most Important Sexual Organ
If there’s one thing I wish every person on the planet knew it’s that the most important sexual organ in the human body is the brain. If your brain isn’t ready for sexual pleasure, then sexual pleasure will not happen—especially if you’re a woman.
Women tend to feel more self-conscious about their bodies. As a result, they have a harder time discussing their sexual issues, because it often means having to talk about their bodies in ways that embarrass them. The best way to help a woman overcome this problem is to tell her how beautiful she is and how much you love her. As she begins to grow less self-conscious around you, she’ll begin to trust you more.
For a woman to feel relaxed enough to climax, she has to have a great deal of trust in her partner. If she doesn’t feel comfortable and safe, then she’s not going to have a difficult time allowing herself to open up to an orgasm. Her mind will be lost in her thoughts and feelings about herself, her partner and her relationship. Even if a woman feels she can trust her partner, other emotional factors may intrude in her lovemaking, such as stress, fatigue and worry, which prevent her from focusing on the pleasure you’re giving her.
Before you attempt to engage her in sexual play, talk to your partner so you can gauge her mood. If she seems prickly, talk to her about her day, offer to help with a few chores and see what’s on her mind. Once she’s able to put her worries aside, she can become more interested the pleasurable side of life.
Too Much “Training” Can Make Things Difficult
I’m always interested in the tricks women use to achieve orgasm while masturbating, because they tell me so much about why they might be having problems climaxing during partner sex.
Women who masturbate usually know exactly what pleases them physically, whether it’s using her fingers or a sex toy. But because women are deeply connected to their emotional sides during sex play, they also often fantasize. In some cases, the combination of these physical and emotional aspects of masturbation can cause trouble when a woman is making love with her partner.
Because men aren’t living inside their partners’ minds and don’t have access to their bodies, it can be challenging for them to know exactly what will bring their partners to orgasm. A man’s penis may not be shaped like his partner’s vibrator, and he may not know how to find the right combination of clitoral and vaginal stimulation. Likewise, because many women’s fantasies are just that—private fantasies they don’t want to act out—they are often unable to tap into a critical part of their psyches during partner sex.
If this is the case for your partner, she’ll need to “retrain” herself to respond to your body during sex. The more you and your partner try out different things, the easier it will be for her to find something else to help her climax.
Put Your Knowledge to Use!
Now that you understand more about why it can be more difficult for women to achieve orgasm, talk to your partner about what you can do to make sex more pleasurable for her. She may be embarrassed at first, but with sensitivity and good listening skills, you can show her how amazing it is to climax during your loveplay.