Unfortunately, likely due in part to the sad state of sex education all over the world, there are myths about sex – and especially about orgasms experienced by women – that just won’t die. Fortunately, I’m here to help you debunk a few of the most virulent orgasm myths. Why? Because knowledge is power, my friend.
#1 Everyone should be able to orgasm from penetration alone
Let’s finally put an end to this nonsense. Orgasm from vaginal penetration without direct clitoral stimulation is estimated to elude some 75 percent of women, and it has nothing to do with how good the sex is. It’s about the distance between the vaginal opening and the clitoris. The closer her clit is to her vagina, the more likely penetrative sex is to make her come. If your partner needs to rub her clitoris or use a vibrator to get off during sex, there’s nothing wrong with her or with you. It’s just anatomy.
#2 Squirting isn’t real
My stained bedsheets are here to tell you that squirting is, in fact, very real. But don’t expect it to look like it does in porn. What you see in those gushing videos is pure performance and often the product of water packets inserted into the vagina pre-shoot. Researchers still don’t quite understand or agree on what the fluid released during squirting is. Some insist it’s simply urine. Others consider it its own beast, saying it contains prostate hormones similar to those found in semen. Either way, it’s a thing. And while we’re on the subject, just because some women can squirt doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with those you can’t.
#3 Masturbation ruins her orgasms with you
Masturbation does not mess up her chances of coming during sex with you. In fact, the opposite is true. Touching herself and exploring her body is the best way to learn what sort of stimulation gets her off. Then, when she shares her self-knowledge with you, you too can bring her to orgasm. The more orgasms a woman has, the better she’s going to know how to get there, the more she’s going to want them, and the more she understands herself. However, I do acknowledge that some vibrators are extremely powerful, and their efficiency can distract her from all the other wonderful ways there are to have an orgasm. If your partner is consistently masturbating the same way with the same toy, she should try switching it up to diversify her orgasms and stay in touch with a fuller range of turn-ons.
#4 Women can’t get blue balls
Blue balls, pink balls, or just an annoyingly throbbing clitoris. Whatever you want to call it, women can and do experience discomfort from unresolved sexual stimulation. So you guys don’t get ownership over the sometimes agonizing feeling of unfulfilled orgasm. Arousal sends blood to the genitals, which can then swell and ache no matter what they look like.
#5 She should have multiple orgasms when she has sex
Men typically require a refractory period after orgasm before they can come again. Some women, on the other hand, can stay at a heightened level of arousal after orgasm and experience a second (or third or fourth) in rapid succession. Research suggests, though, that only about 15 percent of women have experienced multiple orgasms. It’s totally awesome that some women are capable of having them. What’s not awesome is making your partner feel down if she isn’t, because statistically speaking, it’s just not in the cards.
#6 Everyone has orgasms
If she can’t or doesn’t orgasm, she is no less capable of a hot, healthy, full sex life. Some 10 to 15 percent of women experience anorgasmia, or the inability to come. Anorgasmia may be caused by medication such as antidepressants, a history of trauma, or, frustratingly, for reasons unknown. It’s a bummer, but having it doesn’t mean she won’t at some point have an orgasm or that she can’t enjoy sex. Some women can’t get off; some women can only get off with a vibrator. We all have our own individual quirks, preferences, and abilities in the bedroom, and that’s more than okay.
#7 Sex is over when you come
Hell no. Sex is over when all parties are satisfied and ready to call it quits. If you’ve finished, you should absolutely rub her clitoris or go down on her until she’s come too, because guess what? Her pleasure matters just as much as yours.
P.S. For more hot tips on how to master the art of the female orgasm, check out my program on the subject – Orgasmic Addiction.