Posts Tagged ‘arousal’

Beautiful woman

Edible Aphrodisia: Delightfully Delicious Ways to Increasing Her Libido

It’s inevitable that the discussion of aphrodisiacs so often leads us to the delectable foods that have been prized for so many hundreds or thousands of years for their powers of potency. Eating and drinking is as much a sensual experience as sex itself and we often use the words of sexuality to describe our gustatory exploration, calling our favourite meals “orgasmic” and associating foods with phallic shapes or luscious lips.

What Are Aphrodisiacs?

The basic quality of an aphrodisiac is its ability to create desire. By definition, chemicals like Viagra, which are designed to improve performance, are not aphrodisiacs. If you have ever taken an “erectile dysfunction” medicine, medically prescribed or otherwise, you will know that it is possible to imbibe and not actually get an erection. Just because your body is capable of sustained arousal doesn’t automatically make you aroused!

The chemical reaction that makes aphrodisiacs effective ultimately involves our hormonal systems, in particular testosterone – for both men and women. When the limbic love of the brain receives signals from the pelvic region that indicate arousal, the signals respond and tell the blood vessels to dilate, which creates erect tissue, no matter your gender. The vessels quickly close, locking that blood inside the enflamed tissue, which first causes feelings of arousal, but left as such can eventually lead to discomfort (also known as “blue balls” in men).

As the physical signs of arousal begin to display, the heart rate rises and the brain begins to release a cocktail of neurotransmitters to prepare our body for pleasure, primarily the love-inducing norepinephrine and dopamine. Lack of testosterone in the body can lead to lack of interest, which means the entire process of arousal stagnates before it can even begin.

How Aphrodisiacs Work

There are a number of factors when it comes to the ability of the body to assimilate aphrodisiacs into arousal. While some aphrodisiacs do have the ability to change body chemistry for the facilitation of arousal, others merely stimulate the senses into a natural sense of lust, and still others work simply because of what medical science calls “the placebo effect” having no scientifically proven value. Of course, if something is safe to use, and works to get your engines running, does it matter whether or not science can prove why it works?

Choosing an Aphrodisiac

Foods chosen for their appearance, like the phallic bananas, which are also high in potassium and B vitamins necessary for hormone production, and avocados, called the “testicle tree” by the Aztecs because of the way they grow in pairs, are associated with sex primarily because of how much they look like sex organs! Even oysters, thought to have aphrodisiac properties because of their high levels of zinc, D-aspartic acid and NMDA compounds which aid in the release of sex hormones, are known as sexy food primarily because of the resemblance they share with the inner labia lips. Cucumbers, obviously phallic, are believed so stimulate a woman’s vaginal blood flow through their scent.

Sensual foods like chocolate and honey are known to include sex-enhancing compounds, and spicy foods like ginger and chili peppers can really get the blood flowing. Eating foods that are healthy, natural and as unprocessed as possible is a key factor in improving hormonal health as well. Basil has been known for centuries to stimulate the sexual senses, along with herbs like cardamom, anise seed, vanilla, cinnamon, garlic, fennel, ginseng, and nutmeg.

In addition to foods that have been proven to work as aphrodisiacs, or thought to by ancients, because of their shape or their contents, there are many foods that stimulate sexual desire because they make us feel at home. The scent of pumpkin pie, cheese pizza, buttered popcorn, licorice, and lavender have been shown to have positive effects on arousal – some for men and some for women, though both loved the fresh-baked pie scent and the relaxing aroma of lavender.

What About Pheremones?

The word pheromone comes from the combination of two Greek concepts: pherein which means “excitement” and hormone which literally means “carrier” – pheromones are the “excitement carriers” of the body.

These compounds found in sweat and other bodily fluids exist for the sole purpose of attraction, identifying ones genetic makeup to potential mates on the lookout for someone who’s DNA is different enough, yet compatible with their own.

Not all people have been known to posses the “vomeronasal organ” (VNO) responsible for detecting what are thought to be “odorless” chemicals, but how often has your lover told you how good you smell, or buried her head in your pillow on a lonely day, even though you wear no cologne?

It is possible to buy human pheromones from sex toy retailers, but the arousal from such an application is not only short-lived, but it may be false… and you may end up intriguing more than just your partner! Your best bet is to alter your lifestyle and increase your intake of natural aphrodisiacs, which will lead to a cleaner, sexier pheromone profile without breaking the bank.

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Sex as Theatre: Performance Art and the Anorgasmic Woman

Orgasm – that one word can bring feelings of immense pleasure to those who come by them easily, but it often only strikes fear and desperate anxiety in the hearts of anorgasmic women who spend their time and energy trying to “fix” a part of them perceived to be “broken” and unable to achieve something seen as necessary to the female experience.

Scientific research has shown us that somewhere between 10% and 15% of women report never experiencing orgasm, with a partner or during masturbation. There are a few theories about what may be the cause of this so-called anomaly. It is hypothesized that there may be some genetic and physical basis, and it is also suggested that without actual MRIs, it can’t be proven that anorgasmic women aren’t experiencing orgasm. They may in fact be having orgasmic experiences that are mild in comparison to our televised ideal, and just don’t realize it!

Ultimately, however, no matter the cause for anorgasmia, the culture in which we live and the ideas we grow up on shape us into a culture which idealizes orgasm as the epitome of good sex, discarding everything else as just not good enough.

Sex as Commodity

We often view sex as something that takes away from her value as a human, and that somehow the younger and less experienced a woman is, the more valuable the sex is. Furthermore, the commodity model suggests that if a woman doesn’t experience an orgasm, something is wrong with either her or her partner, that the sexual experience is less valuable without the payoff of orgasm. Sex is then seen as a transaction, where a woman gives up something of her own self-worth in exchange for the pleasure of orgasm, and a man works to give her said orgasm in exchange for the payoff of his own pleasure.

The problem with this model, of course, is that no one actually loses anything from the act of sex. The experience of sex, with or without an orgasm, leads to improvement in just about every aspect of daily life – mental, physical, emotional and even spiritual health.

Sex as Performance

When I use the word “performance” you might feel judged immediately. Most men learn early on that when it comes to sex, your “performance” refers to how good you are at “giving” orgasms. Of course, this language brings us right back to the idea of orgasm as a thing, rather than an experience. Only in the English language to we equate our physical experiences with who we are (“I am hungry, cold, thirsty, lonely, stressed or horny”) and things we have (“I had an orgasm, a headache, or a cold.”) Our languages isn’t particularly designed to talk about experiences as they are – events that occur based on actions we do, or don’t, as the case may be.

So what does this teach us about how to approach sex and orgasm?

Try for a moment to think about sex as an art, like a musical performance, and the body as an instrument. A young and inexperienced musician, while perhaps heartening and exciting, can’t possibly compare to a musician with years of experience and dozens of performances under her belt! Rather than losing value with each experience, the artist is valued because of her experiences, because of her ability to improve her skills and her depth of appreciation for the art with every note.

With this model, a woman with sexual experience, who has learned her instrument inside and out, is valued as a skilled performer. More than this, the artist is appreciated and the art enjoyed whether the symphony ends in a loud, energetic climax… or a slow, sensual fade off into silence. Discarding sex without orgasm as invaluable and “not good enough” is like walking out of a romantic comedy because there weren’t enough explosions!

Give Up On Orgasm?

Does adopting a performance model for your sexual exploration mean resigning your wife and yourself to a life without female orgasm? Certainly not! No more than agreeing to go to a romantic comedy for date night means giving up action movies forever. Sure, your wife may not enjoy action movies as much as love stories that make her laugh, but that doesn’t mean she will never see an action movie she likes, does it?

All it means is that both of you can relax, stop worrying so much about getting all the “explosions” perfect, and instead focus on the incredible intricacies of sensational experience that the human instrument can enjoy. Relax, forget about orgasm for a while, and instead take your time just feeling good together!

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Stop and Smell the Roses: The Aromatherapy of Erotic Massage

What could possibly be better than a smooth, sensual rub down? One that smells absolutely divine of course! You may not consider scent to be all that important to your erotic massage technique, but when it comes to your caresses, you’ll be amazed at the difference that an aphrodisiac can make.

Aromatherapy? Not for Me…

When I say the word “aromatherapy” you may already have visions of New Age music and your wife’s special spa treatment, but there are a dozen great reasons to bring some basic aroma science into your sex life. Don’t be fooled – aromatherapy is serious business!

The primary ingredient in any aromatherapy treatment or concoction is the essential oil – a volatile oil from plant matter, the part of the plant that gives it scent and taste. You can purchase essential oils from a number of different sources in order to make your own massage blends. You can buy already blended oils ready to use, or you can even endeavor to make your own!

Just remember… being natural doesn’t automatically make something safe. Some essential oils are contraindicated for pregnant or menopausal women. Others can make the skin more photosensitive or cause irritation. If you do decide to blend your own mixes, be sure to follow careful directions regarding the preparation of massage mixes. All essential oils need to be blended into what is called a carrier oil, the kind of oils typically used for cooking and body preparations – almond, grapeseed, coconut, even plain grocery store olive oil will work, though something with a more neutral or tropical smell is generally recommended.

What Works?

Dozens of different oils have been associated with aphrodisiac properties, but we each have our own particular predilections. What your woman enjoys will all depend on her olfactory senses, so experiment a bit and see what she likes. Take a sniff of the perfumes and air fresheners she uses. Does she like floral, spicy, musky, or fresh? Does she tend toward sweet citrus hints or savory herbals? Why not take a shopping trip to a local essential oil supplier with your lover and see what kind of scents you can pick out together? Here’s a list of common aphrodisiac oils to get you started on your search.

Amber has a sweet, sensual scent that begs to linger in the hollow of the throat and spread across the pulse points, reminiscent of her favorite perfume. It has an overpowering scent that can be difficult to blend, so use it sparingly.

Basil is sweet and spicy, encouraging sexual stimulation as well as being mentally and emotionally invigorating for those days when she is so worn out that she’s worried a massage is all she’ll be up for – don’t worry, if anything will wake her up, it’s basil!

Bergamot is a general mood-lifter with a soft, citrusy floral scent that plays very well with others.

Cinnamon, with its spicy apple-pie scent, is a favorite of men and women alike, encouraging a relaxing down-home feeling all the while spicing up any situation.

Clove compliments cinnamon blends very well, with another spicy note.

Cardamom, another favorite “C” spice, has a sweet and enticing aroma which encourages sexual attraction with a warm, inviting glow.

Coriander should be used sparingly, but it’s sweet and spicy scent is often considered an aphrodisiac, mixing well with other oils like jasmine and sandalwood.

Ginger is another spicy scent which can be used in warming oils, again with caution. It is known to increase passions and inflame desires, and goes well with the “C” spices.

Grapefruit is incredibly uplifting and mixes well with other citruses, along with neroli, bergamot and the “C” spices above. It is another mood-lifter to help brighten a bad day.

Jasmine is an intoxicating floral scent that hardly any woman can resist, adding warmth and sensual notes to any mix. It should be avoided during pregnancy, but mixes well with other musky oils like amber, neroli and sandalwood.

Lavender is a classic massage scent because of its ability to encourage relaxation. It is also antibacterial, so works great for foot massages after a long, hard day in heels!

Neroli is an exotic aphrodisiac with a deep, seductive scent known for facilitating sexual excitement and clear communication between lovers.

Rose essential oil is as good as a real dozen of the precious flowers, sweet and sensual, uplifting and joyful, speaking right to her heart. It is perfect for special occasions and mixes well with other exotic or floral scents.

Patchouli is exotic and musky with a very earthy aroma, both provocative and sensual for decreased inhibitions and increased desires. It tends to blend very well with a body’s natural scent.

Sandalwood is another musky scent with deep notes that speak to its use in ritual and meditative practices the world ‘round. It is excellent for slow, sensual lovemaking.

Vanilla is another classic scent which, like cinnamon, tends to remind us of home. It mixes very well with spices, as well as any of the floral scents.

Ylang ylang is the quintessential aromatherapy aphrodisiac, erotic and exotic, known to enhance libido and

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Why Sex? Five Health Reasons to Hop Into Bed Together Tonight!

If you think about it too long or too hard, it might seem strange that you and your partner need so much convincing to get down and dirty on a regular schedule. But when all the boring day-to-day work at the office and the chores around the house take up most of your time, all the reasons to get showered, sexy, rolling around naked together may seem to escape you.

We all know that sex is amazing, but the longer we put it off, the easier it gets to ignore and the harder it is to get back into the comfort zone. So if you and your wife need some reminding, here are five reasons why you should make the extra effort to include a little extra nookie in your life!

  1. Prevent Disease: high blood pressure, heart disease, prostate cancer, and all illnesses and disorders related to stress can be prevented by regular sex and intimate touch!Intimate touch – even something as simple as a hug! – has been proven to initiate the release of oxytocin into the blood stream, which naturally lowers blood pressure and heart rate.  In fact, having sex two or more times per week was enough to cut a man’s risk for heart attack in half.

    Frequent ejaculations have been linked to a lower risk for prostate cancer in later life. If this isn’t enough to convince your wife that sex is on the agenda, it should at least get you off the hook for frequent masturbation! The golden number? 21 times a month! Better get to work!

  2. Improve Your Immunity: Regular sex, 1-2 times a week or more, has been shown to provide up to a 30% increase in salivary immunoglobulin. Even sex less than once a week showed a slight benefit over the abstinent.Whether due to a happy, healthy sex life, or the microbial input of foreign fluids, why balk at more reasons to enjoy the pleasures of love?
  3. Relieve Pain: All those great chemicals, oxytocin in particular, can boost pain tolerance up to 50% – menstrual cramps, migraines, chronic pain of any kind can be relieved with an orgasm or three! Why pop a pill when you can hop on each other instead?
  4. Get Fertile: It should be fairly obvious that if you want to have a baby, you should be having lots of sex! Many couples make the mistake of “saving up” all their sexy for ovulation. The word is in from the scientific community – women who have regular sex with a man, once a week or more, are significantly more likely to menstruate on a regular cycle and experience fewer fertility problems than the abstinent or sex-deprived.Regular sex, including oral and manual stimulation, not only makes it easier to get pregnant but can prepare the body to carry a healthy, full-term pregnancy. Scientists have shown not only an increase in conception rates for partners who engage in regular sexual contact, but fewer incidents of miscarriage, preeclampsia and high blood pressure.

    Even if you aren’t interested in trying to conceive, regular sexual activity has been shown to be equally effective in regulating the menstrual cycle as it is in relieving menstrual cramps.

  5. Look Better, Feel Better: Even the blandest sex can burn an extra 100 calories per half hour (so try to take at least that long). If you decide to get fancy, it could be hundreds, not to mention the strong muscles!If your lover is the type to shy away from sex because she is concerned about her body, remind her just how amazing she’ll look after a few good rounds of sexercise! Don’t waste your money on a gym membership, where you have to shower with a bunch of other guys… Work out a sweat, and then enjoy a long, hot shower together. And don’t forget to stretch!

Sex is great. Is there any reason to argue? So what’s holding you back?

I’m not suggesting you pressure your lover into doing something she doesn’t want to do. But if there were ever a reason to start the conversation, figure out where things when wrong and how to get them back on track, this is it. Your health, your heart, your head, your hormones all depend on a healthy sexual relationship.

Having an active sex life doesn’t just give you moments of pleasure in the bedroom. It will make you feel as if you’ve found a better, more vibrant,

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After the Baby: Easing Into Post-Partum Sex

One of the most tenuous and stressful times in a couple’s sex life is the period following the birth of a new child. Not only is everyone exhausted from the demands of an infant, but other biological forces may be acting on her sex drive and providing a minefield of stumbling blocks to sexual intimacy. You may be concerned about birth control, or breast milk may be tripping you up. She may be worried about pain, or having difficulty with natural lubrication. Whatever worries plague your post-partum love life, you are already on the path to reviving your sex life after this incredible life change. Follow these simple steps and find your way back to your lover for life!

The Wait

How long will it take? When is she ready? What if she just isn’t into it? These questions plague just about every new father, and the answers can be complicated. Most doctors and midwives recommend at least two weeks after birth before engaging in any kind of intercourse. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should just ignore your wife for two weeks while you wait! She will probably want the loving comfort of your arms at the end of a long day, even if only to curl up and fall asleep for a few short hours.

How long it takes for your lover’s body to heal and return to a state of desire and comfort depends quite a bit on the trauma involved in her labor. If there was any tearing or cutting of the perineum involved in the birth, you will be looking at anywhere from three to six weeks before any kind of penetration is comfortable and safe. Even when she is fully healed, the exhaustion and emotional upheaval of birth may leave her feeling less than in the mood.

The most important thing for you to remember during this brief period of recovery is to continue giving her loving physical and emotional support without the pressure of sex. Be sure you let her know when you touch her lovingly and give her the hugs and kisses which comfort her at the end of the day, that you understand her feelings, want to listen to her experiences, and do not expect sex. Sometimes hearing this is all a woman needs to begin opening back up to her sexual self – a completely pressure-free environment.

What’s Breast Milk Got to Do With It?

You may discover that one of the weirdest things you have to deal with getting back to a regular sex life is breast milk. Not only does the act of breastfeeding change your lover’s entire hormone profile, inhibiting lubrication, preventing ovulation, and often also creating strange sensations that may cause some emotional upheaval.

While the breasts provide an obvious function of nourishment, they are also a hotbed of erotic tissue. Many women experience pleasurable feelings and may even experience orgasm during breastfeed, something that a lot of women find shameful and don’t have an outlet to discuss. Your lover may be sore and not have any desire for breast play with you, or she may have feelings of guilt or shame involved with “breast multitasking”. Breast milk is nothing to be afraid of, and neither is the pleasure it brings. These feelings encourage the release of hormones into the body which strengthen the emotional bond between mother and child, and between parents. You may even find that if your partner has trouble getting her milk to flow, that some stimulation on your part may actually help to increase her production and reduces any pain that might be involved.

Most importantly, if you don’t want to rely on breastfeeding for birth control, be sure to choose a non-hormonal alternative birth control, like condoms, a diaphragm, or an IUD. Hormones can be transmitted to the infant through breast milk, along with just about anything else that your lover ingests, so be aware.

Get Ready for It…

The most important things to remember when you’re ready to get back into sex are lubrication and loosening up! Use liberal amounts of a safe, appropriate lube to help keep that friction pleasurable… and warm up to intercourse. If it has been weeks, or months, since your last sexual encounter together, don’t go overboard to make up for lost time.

Let’s Go!

If this was your lover’s first birth, the physical changes and hormones involved in the process can dramatically alter a woman’s sexual desire, sensation, and overall sexual experience. Encourage her to be open and honest with you about how she feels. Tried and true methods of turning her on or getting her off might not work at all anymore, so you may need to go right back to the drawing. Instead of lamenting being back at the starting line, relish in the experience of learning what your lover wants all over again.

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Reaching the Resilient Edge of Resistance

I’ve written about the “resilient edge of resistance” before here, in the discussion of finger play, so I hope this in-depth look at a revolutionary touch technique will help you improve your touch across the board. Whether you are massaging, fingering, holding hands, or just brushing the hair from her eyes, learning to understand the boundaries of your touch will bring you closer to your lover in a whole new way.

The resilient edge of resistance, a term coined by Urban Tantra author Barbara Carrellas, defines the kind of touch that lies in that mysterious space between too much and not enough. Most men have only two settings when it comes to intimate skin-on-skin contact: touching, and not touching. By default, we are all usually set on “not touching” option. Why is it we find it so hard to initiate touch with the person we love the most? And when you are going to touch, don’t you want to make the most of the time you spend getting close? The quality of your touch is the defining moment of your foreplay. If you can’t make contact with her sexy side when you first try to touch her, you’ll never find your way to share ecstasy.

Your exercise today is going to help you evolve your sense of touch by exploring the layers of your lover’s body. Try identifying each of these six layers, getting feedback from your lover at each stage, being carefully not to press too deeply, or tickle too lightly. Don’t just use your fingers, but your entire hand including your palm. Like always, be sure your room is warm and you are both comfortable. You don’t have to be naked to practice this skill! Try this on her belly or her bum, her arm or tired feet. Anywhere works, as long as she’s comfortable!

Thin Air

The first layer of touch doesn’t even come in to contact with your lover’s physical body. As your hand grows closer to the surface of her skin, feel the sensation that alerts you to the proximity of her body. People can perceive this biomagnetic layer of the human body in different ways. Close your eyes and sense the heat, or the tingling, the shiver of anticipation before you touch her. Allow her to feel the warmth of your body getting ready to reach her. Touch on this level is intricate.

By a Hair

Move just a fraction closer and touch the tips of the hair on her body. This will be easier somewhere the body hair is obvious, like her arms or somewhere she typically shaves (after a few days without). You will find it more challenging on areas of her body where the hair is fine and difficult to discern. Progress from easier to more challenging areas of the body, and improve your fine sensation skills. Touch on this level is a tease!

Skin Deep

Where the hair meets the body, touch the skin with great care. Here you are most likely to tickle. Don’t press, but don’t stutter either. Skim over the surface of the skin like a skillful ice skater. Watch her reaction – some women will feel giggle at a light tickle and another might kick you! Be careful! Touch on this level is casual.

Subcutaneous

The layer of fat just beneath the skin (if your wife is sensitive, learn to say “subcutaneous” with ease), is what holds the skin on to the rest of the body. It is connective, and slides gently over the muscle. Touch on this level is friendly.

Made of Muscle

The muscles of the body are what make it work. Touch on this level can be soothing or stimulating, shallow or deep. We refer to muscle touch as massage and I always have lots to tell you about that! Hot stones can help loosen tight muscles before massage, so deep muscle kneading isn’t necessary. Touch on this level is intimate.

Hard as Bone

Below the muscular level lies bone, the foundation of the body. Holding her body by the bones – at her wrists, her elbows, her hips or her collarbone, for instance – provokes an air of dominance or extreme need. It can heighten the immediacy of an intimate moment, but it can also frighten if used inappropriately, or leave bruises if used for too long. Try it at the brink of orgasm, when you foreplay takes the leap to the next level. Give it a go and she how she feels! Touch at this level is urgent.

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Bawdy Basics: More Than a Rub Down

Erotic massage may seem like a simple process – a little rub here, a bit of a squeeze there – and it certainly is a wonderful way to lead in to a romantic evening or some passionate lovemaking, but don’t be fooled: massage is a vast field of knowledge and skill!

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On the Map: Fingering her Favourite Spots

The power of love to change bodies is legendary, built into folklore, common sense, and everyday experience.  Love moves the flesh, it pushes matter around…  Throughout history, “tender loving care” has uniformly been recognized as a valuable element in healing.
- Larry Dossey

A woman’s body isn’t just mysterious if you haven’t had the chance to get right up close and personal with her precious parts, but because it is so changeable. The month-long cycle that governs your wife’s attitudes and arousal makes her a whole new woman at each step along the way. While she may be incredibly receptive to your touch when she is ovulating, a short two weeks later she might be too sensitive for even the lightest play.

Try-Cycle

It can be hard to plan your sex life around a menstrual cycle that you don’t understand, so get ready for everything you need to know to mix and match your plans with her period.

For all intents and purposes, the first day of your wife’s period is “Day One”. The guidelines that follow her hormonal changes are just that, guidelines. They are not set in stone, but general averages. Some women have long cycles, some short, but most average in the 28-29 day range.

Somewhere usually around day 10-14, the hormones that control fertility spike, causing increased lubrication and desire for sex. You can use your fingers to avoid intercourse, staying safe from pregnancy, or you can get hands-on as a way to bring her to orgasm to prime her for intercourse, if you are attempting to conceive.

This sexual tension will continue to grow until her ovaries are signalled to release an egg, and from her her fertility and natural desire will begin to wane. As she grows once again closer to menstruation, her body becomes more sensitive,

If you don’t think you have the know-how to make the first move to touch her hottest spots, start taking notes! Here are some tips to explore her entire body.

Zoning Laws

Out of the Way

The obvious erogenous zones are so, well, obvious. Why not start somewhere new? Instead of heading right for her breast, why not caress her face, nibble her ear lobes, stroke her hair, kiss her neck, rub her belly, squeeze her butt, or even just hold her hand.

Up in the Mountains

The breasts, topped so pointedly by the clusters of nerve endings in the sensitive nipples, are many men’s first stop on the road to arousal. Squeeze gently and don’t overdo it unless she expresses a desire – her nipples might appreciate being lightly rolled between the fingers, or sucked gently between your lips. Don’t bite!

Over the Hill

The “mons pubis” is the fatty mound of flesh under her pubic hair, cushioning a woman’s pubic bone. The area isn’t particularly sensitive, especially if it is covered in hair, but pressure here can stimulate all the other areas of the vulva below.

Loose Lips

On the other side of the mons, holding in all the more sensitive parts between her legs, the outer labia is the first to get red and puffy as her arousal levels rise. The thin inner lips are are much finer and also make up the clitoral hood, which protects her “little hill” from your more aggressive advances.

Little Bits

The clitoris is the key to orgasm for a vast majority of women, so if you haven’t learned to manipulate it like a master, it’s time to begin. It may look small and perhaps even insignificant, but the actual size of the clitoris, buried deep in the pelvic wall, rivals that of the average penis.

This complex of nerves and tissues is incredibly sensitive to touch both on the outside of the vulva and from inside the vagina, where fingers in particular are amazing tools for finding the extra special spots that hide inside.

Skene Tight

Most men don’t think of the urethra as a sexual component to the genitals, but the little exit valve not only contains a small amount of erectile tissue which responds to stimulation, but houses the infamous Skene’s Gland, the mysterious spot that produces the fluid ejaculated during a G-Spot orgasm. A little lick or flick of the urethral opening is a great way to ease her into squirting stimulation!

The Jade Chamber

Once your fingers find their way inside your wife’s vagina, you have a virtual 360 degrees of pleasure to give her! You can try to imagine the cylindrical opening as a clock face, slowly exploring around in circles, using smaller circular motions to determine her more sensitive spots, both shallow and deep.

Back to Back

Don’t head for her back door until you’ve really mastered some other skills. If she is relaxed and ready to go from her first (few?) orgasms, she’s much more likely to enjoy a finger in her rear. If she isn’t quite ready to be anally penetrated, you can stimulate her clitoral complex by massaging her perineum, the smooth flesh between her vagina and her anus.

Find her hot spots, hold on tight and don’t let go!