Since I receive so many queries from you guys, I figured it’s time I started a regular column containing no bullshit responses to the stuff you can only, well, ask me. So here it goes, hope you find this helpful.
“My partner and I always have quickies, which is fine when you’re in a rush, but how do I make the process last longer?”
There are plenty of hot ways to slow-jam your sex sessions. After all, in a recent Trojan survey, the majority of women said that sex was most pleasurable when it lasted longer than 30 minutes. To draw out the sexual experience, try to reframe what you consider sex. Think of it as anything and everything erotic that occurs before, during and after penis in the vagina. That can mean whispering hot things while giving her a massage, taking an extra 10 minutes just to make out, or trying a semi-kinky toy, like a blindfold or a set of handcuffs. Taking your SAT (translation: sweet-ass time) will make sex totally worth the time.
“My girlfriend loves nipple play, but I’m totally clueless. Help!”
Even though nipples are often neglected, stimulating them can send happy sensations throughout her breasts. Research shows it also activates the same brain region associated with her clitoris, vagina, and cervix. And playing with her nipples releases that feel-good hormone, oxytocin. To ease into your boob game, start slow by massaging her entire breast, then move to the nipples with touching and light pinching. As you increase the pressure, check in and ask, “Does that feel good?” Same with your mouth. Start licking, then go to sucking, then maybe a little biting. As you work your mammary magic, be sure to ask her for feedback.
“What to do if a condom cones off inside of my partner?!”
First things first: Don’t panic. If you can, gently remove the condom with your fingers. If it’s really stuck up in there, make an appointment ASAP with a gyno or visit an urgent-care center for help extracting it. And no shame: doctors get called all the time to remove condoms. To prevent pregnancy, visit a pharmacy for a non-description Plan B for your lady, a one time pill that works best when taken within 72 hours of sex. Then tell your partner about the last time you were checked for STIs; to stay safe, she’d better get herself tested either way. Sure, it’s not a fun experience in the moment (or ever), but covering your bases now will give both of you peace of mind in the long run.
“The woman I’m seeing revealed that she has had issues with sex addiction. Is that a real thing?”
It’s complicated. According to the American Psychiatric Association, it’s not an official diagnosis. But that doesn’t stop people from using the term. It’s an outdated label that’s become a way to either shame or excuse people who like sex more than someone else thinks they should. When it comes to your partner, be supportive. Understand that her use of the term is code for “I’ve made sexual decisions I’ve regretted, and sometimes I’m concerned about making healthy ones in the future”. Then it’s up to you. She may have a higher sex drive than you do, but that’s no excuse for, say, her cheating. If you feel good about the sex you’re having, great! But if the way she approaches sex makes you uneasy, it could be a sign that she’s not for you.
“My partner just got braces. Now I am nervous about her going down on me. Any tips?”
You know that wax the orthodontist gave her to keep the inside of her mouth from getting cut? Ask her to put it over any sharp edges on her braces to smooth things out before she heads downtown. That – and keeping her lips curled around her teeth – should prevent any down-below disasters. I also encourage you to trim. It will be less likely that your pubic hair gets caught in her braces, which could be painful for you. And kinda gross for her.
P.S. If you still have a lot of questions about how to make sex hot and prevent any erotic mishaps, check out this program I created – it contains important information on how to make sex the best experienced you’ve ever had.