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Who said vanilla sex can’t be satisfying?

Oral Sex - Cunnilingus

Who said vanilla sex can’t be satisfying?

“Having a dirty mind makes ordinary conversations much more interesting.”

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice-cream. And I have it on good authority that Katie screams extra loud if it’s hokey-pokey licked off her nipples. Wait, what? Let me explain… Katie is the kind of girl who likes to ‘experiment’ in the sack. She’s tried all the flavors in every combination. Know how do I know? Because Katie is one of my besties and I’ve heard about her shenanigans since she popped her cherry in Year 12. I was there when she bought her first lacy G-string at the mall on a Thursday night, and I know that these days she could be a sexy cop or a bunny rabbit any night of the week. Her bedside drawers are full of gadgets and handcuffs hang like dream catchers from her bedpost.

I have always applauded Katie’s penchant for pillow performances and I love hearing her tales over wine on a weekend, but I have a dirty little secret too. I’ve noticed the effect these stories have on some of my other girl friends. Deep down, they are a bit jealous. Though I’m not sure they actually want to do all the things she does, it’s just that hearing all about her antics makes theirs pale in comparison. And a little niggling feeling creeps in their well coiffed heads. ‘What if I’m a snooze-fest at sex?’ Yes, all those porn-tastic tales can make a woman feel the sexpectations are too sigh.

Sexual society

You see, some women have more conservative tastes. While Katie was shopping for naughty knickers, they were stocking up on Bonds boy-legs. It’s not that they’ve never tried anything else, it’s just that dress-ups, role-play and chocolate flavored lube don’t do it for them. In Baskin Robbins terms, they don’t mind the occasional rum and raisin but, if they are honest, they would happily take vanilla every time.

Until recently, my conservative girl friends felt like they were in the majority. But then along came Fifty Shades of Grey. All of a sudden, kinky was as mainstream as Harry Potter. There were so many people reading it on daily commute that they could have started a book club on the bus to discuss Anastasia’s S&M adventures.

To top it off, Selena Gomes’s latest flick, Spring Breakers, came to the screens. Their eyes were assaulted! They knew it wasn’t going to be rainbows and unicorns, but they were not prepared for that gun-fellating scene. I’m pretty sure it would have made a porn star blush. And this is not some under-the-radar movie – it’s got Vanessa Hudgens in it. These former Disney stars are making the missionary position look like an episode of Play School.

You don’t even have to leave the house to realize society has kinky sex on the brain. Turn on the TV on a random Saturday morning and you’ll most likely be watching Rihanna bound, gagged and latex-clad as you tuck into your toast. And who needs porn when you’ve got Game of Thrones?

Trying hard

All this can make a woman question, ‘Am I boring in bed?’ If I don’t do spanking, striptease, or hang spread-eagled from the ceiling, does that make me a prude? You’d be surprised to know how many women have experienced this feeling of inadequacy. One friend of mine recalls that in the early stages of her relationship she felt so self-conscious about her vanilla tastes that she tried to be someone she wasn’t. “I thought that to be a good partner I had to be a sex goddess, and presumed that’s what all guys wanted.”

If you suspect your partner might “force” kinkiness upon herself out of obligation, take the lead at slowing things down. You’ll soon see her open up more than ever and sex will be the awesome experience that you both want it to be. Let her know that you don’t need convincing from her, that you love and desire her with or without the schoolgirl porno outfit. Tell her that when it comes to sex, you aren’t over-analyzing what she’s wearing or thinking ‘this sex is not X-rated enough for me’. You are usually just super keen to get it on.

When it comes to sexy times, perhaps we need to let go of our performance anxieties and just be ourselves. Sure, if whips and whipped cream gets your partner in the mood, then all power to you! Stop looking around at what everyone else is having and concentrate on what you want.

Have a sensual week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. If your partner is a proud proclaimer of vanilla sex, don’t judge her! Give in to her likes and dislikes and she’ll soon return the favor.

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