“I know how to tell a woman I love her in seventeen syllables or less. I’m not talking about a haiku, I’m talking about grunts from an orgasm”- Jarod Kintz
It’s a sad fact of life that general consensus considers the end of the sexual act to be when the man comes- not when a woman does. This means, 99 per cent of the time, you get to climax during sex while your partner misses out big time. Welcome to what’s known as „The Orgasm Gap”.
But this doesn’t mean you should accept this! Here are the three main things that make it harder for women to reach climax than men (no, biology doesn’t hate the ladies, don’t forget we can have multiple orgasms and you, well, can’t!), and how you can fix this.
1. Lowered Libido
• Never being in the mood for sex
• A decrease in her usual sex drive
• Feeling so stressed or tired that a shag is the last thing she wants
Most likely to affect: Women in long-term relationships
In those first few precious weeks or romance, it’s easy to go at it like animals. But, after a while, it can become predictable and boring (you’ve memorized every single aspect of each other’s bodies and know the exact moves needed to get the other person in the mood). Losing the initial element of surprise and exploration can mean, for a woman, at least, that she stops looking forward to sex. Another thing that can keep her from wanting „it” is not feeling confident about her body. If she’s constantly trying to get into positions she thinks are flattering, she’ll never relax enough to reach orgasm. I know what you think right now: seriously, when you’re doing it with your partner, the last thing you think about is rating her body out of 10- you think how damn sexy she looks while all hot and sweaty. Well, blame it on women’s need to split hairs endlessly.
If your sessions have become routine and unexciting, sit down with your partner and make a list of different positions or sexual acts you’d like to try. Not only will you have some things to look forward to exploring but, for many women, getting turned on is as much in the mind as the body, so you may find just talking about what you’d like to do in bed (or out of it) is enough to get her aroused.
2. Limited arousal
• Hard or even impossible to reach orgasm
• Not finding intercourse satisfying
• Dryness in her „down there” region
Most likely to affect: Women who aren’t getting enough foreplay
Sticking to just a couple of moves during foreplay (an ear nibble here, a nipple lick there) and then racing to intercourse won’t lead to a bed-shaking finale. A woman’s body needs to be prepped for orgasm, and you can do that only by making sure you „wake up” all her erogenous zones. Also, don’t stick to the same foreplay routine over and over again. When you touch her in a familiar way every time, her body becomes desensitized and it won’t feel as arousing. Also, one of the biggest misconceptions holding women out of reach of climaxing is the belief that an orgasm is easily achieved through vaginal intercourse alone. The most common reason for not achieving an orgasm is generally not enough clitoral stimulation before sex. Make it your goal to study her body geometry and uncover uncharted erogenous zones so packed with powerful nerve endings, that just touching them takes her from 0 to Oh!
Using either your hand or your mouth, start touching her all over until you find what feels nice for her. Pressure is the number one enemy of orgasms, so don’t stress if it takes a while. If she gives you signs that what you’re doing feels pleasurable, you’re headed in the right direction. For example, get her turned on by perfecting the way you kiss. I’m sure you know how to do it, but what you probably don’t know is that there’s an undercover pleasure transmitter, the buccal nerve, surrounding the edges of the mouth. This area is extremely sensitive to touch, but it’s often overlooked since most people focus on the plump part of the lips. Try lightly tracing the edges of her lips with the tip of your tongue. This technique triggers thoughts of what your tongue can do down bellow.
3. Clumsy lovin’
• She can orgasm alone but not with you
• You are unwilling to do what it takes to make her climax
• You change position too fast
Most likely to affect: Women who don’t feel comfortable talking about sex
In my experience as a sex educator, I found that a common complaint of men was that women aren’t clear on what they like. Yes, it is rather depressing that so many women are still reluctant to show men how to please them, given the fact that only a woman truly knows what feels good for her.
What you have to do in this situation is mix things up by taking control of the situation and asking for a little direction. Ask her how it feels when you touch her in different ways and pay attention to how her body responds to your hands, mouth or penis. And go slowly at first, to help her get used to your movements and get pleasure out of them. Also, try using positions that stimulate the clitoris plenty, like the CAT (Coital Alignment Technique), an upgraded version of the missionary, where you lean forward to her so that your pelvis rubs itself against her clitoris, creating truly head turning sensations.
Have a delightfully erotic week,
P.S. Initiate sex more often; doing it more than one time a week will get her body used to the good feelings and make her orgasm more easily.