“To have her here in bed with me, breathing on me, her hair in my mouth – I count that something of a miracle.” – Henry Miller

When it comes to sex, some women like surprises (look, we’re on video!), while others lean closer to the shy side. Even if your partner does not fall into the let’s-make-a-sex-tape category, it doesn’t mean you should give on trying to surprise her in bed with spur-of-the-moment tricks. As a matter in fact, no chick will be able to resist the carnal curveballs I’m giving you here.

Make it all about her pleasure

In many cases, when you give, she thinks it’s just so you can receive. A lot of women are afraid that guys only pretend to like giving oral sex to get reciprocation. So if you do it spontaneously and out of the blue, it sends the message that you find her irresistible. Of course, if you kiss your girl’s neck and start winding your way down, she’s going to be able to deduce what comes next. Instead, shock her panties off by stimulating her south of the border area when she least expects it. One idea: start her day off right by waking her up with oral action.

Give her Kudohhs

When the sack session is so silent that your girl can hear crickets chirping in the background, she may think “Gee, is it that bad?” That’s why if you surprise her with unexpected moans or even a “God, that’s amazing,” she’ll be psyched. When you make noise or give a compliment, especially if it’s out of character, she feels like she’s really pleasing you. It boosts her confidence in her sex skills and encourages her to initiate that feel-good move in the future.

Keep up the kissing

In the throes of passion, it’s tough to remember the simple things like, you know, your name. Another essential that often falls by the wayside: lip-locking. Sometimes men get so consumed with what’s going on below the belt that they stop kissing during sex. To make her feel like you’re present and into her, you have to keep up that connection. While in the act, take a minute to resume making out. Not only will it help you to pace yourself (wink, wink), but she’ll also be pleasantly surprised that you’ve added that sweet something extra.

Have a post-game plan

Sure, sex can be exhausting, so she sorts of understands when you roll over and go right to… zzz. In fact, she probably expects it. So you can only imagine how shocked she’ll be if you snuggle up against her after the fact and suggest taking a hot shower or sharing a bowl of ice cream. She knows it’s an effort for you, so it makes her feel appreciated. Plus, it’s a treat that switches up your usual sex routine.

Have a sexy week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Another way to completely blow her mind between the sheets is arranging for a sweet and sensual massaging routine with all the naughty extras.

“It’s so long since I’ve had sex I’ve forgotten who ties up who.” – Joan Rivers

It is a truth universally acknowledged that men are sex-crazed animals. So when you’re libido is more lukewarm than red-hot, she wonders what’s wrong with you. And what’s wrong with her. ‘What normal guy doesn’t want to have sex?’, Teresa used to ask her boyfriend angrily when weeks would go by without his making a move or responding to her advances. According to a totally enlightening book, Why Men Fake It: The Totally Unexpected Truth About Men and Sex, by Abraham Morgentaler, the answer is, a lot more normal guys than you’d think.

I frequently hear from men who complain about low sex drives. Many people still operate under the assumption that guys are obsessed with sex and that all a ‘real’ man needs to get an erection is for the wind to blow. It’s simply not the case for all men, even young men, and it doesn’t necessarily make a guy abnormal. If you’re experiencing low desire, you should know that this situation can be disheartening for your partner. ‘My boyfriend and I have been together for almost five years, and my only complain about our relationship is that I want more sex than he does. When he turns me down, it makes me feel insecure. I absolutely hate it’, says Michelle. If you’re in the same boat with your partner, read on, because there’s a way to find a happy compromise.

An issue all along

Low desire in men is nothing new, but women who feel empowered enough to speak up about their sexual appetite are an emerging breed. Women are much more emboldened about their sexuality than they were even 15 years ago. They feel comfortable asking for what they want… and they’re discovering that what they want may not be what their partner wants. On the flip side, men are also being encouraged to be more in touch with their feelings, and maybe some of those include ‘Hey, I just don’t feel like having sex!’

Big libido killers

Stress brought on by this tough economy could be one culprit that’s inhibiting male desires. So can the ubiquity of porn, experts say. Excessive masturbation will tax a man’s libido and make it so he doesn’t have a lot of mojo left for his partner. Unless you’re blowing off work to get your fix, it’s not something that requires therapy, but it does warrant a discussion. Women feel the power of your erection when you haven’t ejaculated a day or two, so you can’t really hide it from your partner.

But even more likely is that when you have a lower libido than your partner, there’s not necessarily anything wrong with you… or a cause – it might just be how you’re programmed. Sex is always going to be more frequent in the beginning of a relationship. It may not be until you’ve been with someone for a year or two that you realize you aren’t on the same page about sexual upkeep. Testosterone, one of the hormones that regulates sexual desire, is always higher in the beginning of a relationship for both men and women. But as the novelty wears off, less testosterone is produced, and sex with that person seems a little less interesting. Sounds depressing, but it’s normal. For some couples, sex drops off a little. For others, it drops off a lot. If you’ve talked and established that there aren’t other issues going on in the relationship, you’re probably just dealing with an everyday gap in sexual desire.

Free therapy here!

Mismatched sex drives don’t have to be a deal breaker. You just need to find some middle ground.

1. ID your turn-ons

Buying new lingerie in an effort to spice things up can actually put more pressure on you, not to mention raise the stakes for her. It’s one thing to get show down under normal circumstances. It’s another to get shot down while wearing a see-through nightie. Instead, search for your other turn-ons – the things that bring you bliss but have very little to do with sex. If you savor time with your buddies but haven’t had a lot of it lately, do a fun weekend away with your friends. It could make you see your partner in a whole new light. Some space, autonomy, or appreciation can be more potent that a pair of furry handcuffs.

2. Het PG together

Little things like holding hands or cuddling on the couch signal your brain to produce the bonding chemical oxytocin, which can make you both feel closer and more connected (important if you’ve been arguing). Seems innocent, but desire often takes over when you give it the physical chance to grow. Think about it: you’re snuggled up together, warm under a blanket, your hand grazes her butt, and bam! – it’s on.

Have a sensual week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. If all else fails, take sex off the table. Sounds counterintuitive, but pressure will make you dig in your heels.

“We need to give each other the space to grow, to be ourselves, to exercise our diversity.” – Max de Pree

You fall in love, move in together and suddenly you’re spending every waking minute with each other. Here’s what to do when couple claustrophobia hits. Let’s face it, there’s probably nobody that you’d want to spend 24 hours, seven days a week with. Even Megan Fox would get boring after that much time (of course, I haven’t technically proven it, but I’m willing to test this theory out in the name of research). When you’re in a relationship, space is crucial to your happiness. Yes, it’s important to spend quality time with your partner, but you both need to have quality time with yourselves too. Living, eating and sleeping together day after day can cause couple claustrophobia. If you are spending most of your time fighting, or if you notice growing feelings of resentment, it might be time to negotiate some ‘space breaks’ into your weekly routine.

These ‘space breaks’ sometimes even come naturally, like they did for Dan and his girlfriend of four years, Daisy. “At the beginning, we spent every day together”, says Dan. “I’d meet Daisy the minute she finished work and we would hang out all night, it was all so new.” Ah, the honeymoon phase. That wonderful phase when your friends don’t see you for weeks, your hobbies become your partner’s hobbies (and vice versa), and you go on adorable dates, playing mini golf or going to the aquarium. “Daisy with watch Batman marathons and I would watch Sex and the City every day. But these days, I’m much more likely to say, ‘If you’re watching that, I might just go watch this on my laptop”, Dan admits.

As the honeymoon period starts to wear off and regular life resumes, you should embrace it. When your relationship began you both had your own lives – families, friends, hobbies and interests. It’s important for both of you to keep all of those relationships and activities alive. You still need to be yourself.

When Daisy and Dan moved in together after two years, they found that living with each other actually led to time apart. “We did our own stuff more, like seeing separate friends and going to different parties, because we knew that every night we’d go to sleep together”, Dan says. “Late-night gaming sessions and Gossip Girl marathons aren’t things we both love, and now we are totally cool to leave the other person to their own thing. We still spend time together, it’s just about finding a balance.”

When these natural relationship drifts don’t occur and you’re still spending every waking hour together, something’s gotta give. For Karin that something was the patience of her boyfriend, Dave. “For the first few months that we were dating, we saw each other every day”, Karin remembers. “I loved it, but then Dave started to plan boys’ nights and footy nights by himself. It freaked me out, because I thought it meant he was no longer interested in me.” Karin’s reaction was totally normal. In many relationships, there’s a partner who enjoys space and one who enjoys closeness. When we perceive that our partner is holding back, it can trigger uncomfortable feelings of rejection, mistrust and resentment that make it difficult to feel secure.

Lucky for Karin, Dave was in touch enough with his feelings to help her relax. “He explained that him needing ‘Dave time’ didn’t mean he didn’t want to see me. We worked out a schedule of date nights and ‘me nights’ each week, which kept us both happy. I didn’t even realize how much I enjoyed ‘Karin time’ until I had it. Now I love chilling out by myself.”

How to get space

If your girlfriend looks at you like you’re speaking fluent Russian whenever you utter the words ‘me time’ and insists that she really doesn’t mind watching The Expendables for the third time instead of sipping cappuccinos with her girlfriends, gently prod her in the right direction – and that’s away from you! You can say to your partner something like: “I need a bit of boy time to recharge my batteries, but I’m really looking forward to spending some quality time with you at dinner tonight.” Be sure to remind, reassure and show your woman that you value her and that the time apart does make your heart grow fonder.

How to give space

Don’t worry – it’s normal to want to see your girlfriend all the time. It’s also normal to feel a bit hurt when she says she needs a night by herself or out with the girls. “I need space” doesn’t translate itself with “I hate you and want to break up”. Initially it can be challenging to give your partner more space because of the fear she might not come back. But the funny thing is that the more space we give, the more appreciation and affection we end up getting. As scary as it can be, there is nothing more attractive than a partner who is secure enough to loosen the reins.

Have a great week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Giving space doesn’t mean letting her pass the night with the girls but still terrorize her with phone calls and texts. Let her breathe for once.

“Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul.” – Oscar Wilde

Trust me on this: a girl says a silent thank-you whenever you’re lavishing attention on her in bed. But have you ever wondered which of your moves she loves most? That’s a cinch if you know whether her dominant sense is sight, sound, or touch. (Only a handful of girls’ dominant senses are smell or taste.)

Although we get a rush from all of our senses, experts tell us that we usually favor one over the others – and the key way to pinpoint your girl’s biggest turn-ons is to zero in on her dominant sense. This study of the senses is called Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and if you customize your bedroom moves to your partner’s dominant sense, you’ll maximize her pleasure. How to tell whether your girl is a sight lover, a sound hound or a touchy-feely type? Take the quiz bellow, then read on to find out how you can send her into total sensory bliss.

1)    The main thing she said she noticed about you when you met was:

a)    Your eyes

b)    Your seductive voice

c)    Your smooth skin and hair

2)    Which of these three activities does she enjoy most?

a)    Watching TV

b)    Listening to music

c)    Fixing something, for example a bracelet or a dress that’s missing a button

3)    She’s told you her number one pre-sex turn-on would be for you to:

a)    Watch as she treats you with a striptease

b)    Talk dirty

c)    Give her a head-to-toe massage

4)    When things are getting hot and heavy, a big mood killer for her is:

a)    You’re wearing pj’s

b)    The TV or radio is on

c)    It’s too cold or hot

5)    When she needs to figure out something, she prefers to:

a)    Peruse a manual

b)    Call someone and talk through it

c)    Start tinkering

6)    Which of these would she most like to do with you on a date?

a)    Grab a table at an outdoor café and people-watch

b)    Sit on a porch and listen to the crickets… and you

c)    Walk barefoot on the beach, feeling the sun on her face and the sand between her toes

7)    The main reason she stays fit is:

a)    She likes what she sees when she looks in the mirror

b)    She craves compliments

c)    She says it makes her feel more energized and alert

8)    For her to fall asleep, it’s of the utmost importance that:

a)    The room is dark

b)    It’s completely quiet

c)    She’s cozy under the covers

9)    She’d say the one thing that makes her stand out from other girls is:

a)    She’s a great dresser

b)    She really likes to hear what you have to say

c)    She loves to cuddle post-sex

If you answered mostly A’s… she’s visual, meaning she loves sexy sights

Although surprisingly, there are many women that get aroused primarily by what they’re looking at. Girls with a dominant sight sense also speak visually, as in “Can you picture that?” You may feel self-conscious when your belly wobbles during a romp, but trust me, she’s loving it. Girls crave seeing some jiggle. Because it’s so masculine, it makes her feel more feminine. Plus the greater the jiggle, the more active and uninhibited the sex will seem. Also, mirrors give her new angles on the action, so she’ll love this passionate pose: Face a mirror with you behind her. But sometimes the sexiest images are the simplest. The next time she’s about to have an orgasm, stare into her eyes and hold her gaze. Visual girls will feel super-close to you with this technique.

If you answered mostly B’s… she’s auditory, meaning she loves to listen

Lovers of music and long conversations, these lusty listeners also give themselves away with phrases like “That rings true to me” or “Keep your ear to the ground”. The key to her heart is turning your lovemaking into a wall of hot sounds. Sound hounds go gaga for dirty talk, so describe what you’re doing (“I’m going to touch you here and here!”) and what she’s doing (“I love it when you kiss my neck”). Then, throw in some short and sexy adjectives, like hard, hot, wet. Two bodies working in concert makes for loads of interesting noises – and auditory-type girls really dig the sound of sex. The sex position that will deliver some serious erotic audio is one that traps the most moisture between your bodies: try sitting facing each other, legs entwined, and rock rather than thrust into her.

If you answered mostly C’s… she’s kinesthetic, meaning her big turn-on is touch

These girls most crave anything they can feel on every inch of their bodies. When they talk (which isn’t often), they will nonetheless wax on about “how they feel”. What you have to do is tease her with texture. Play with her hair, caress her with a silk scarf, etc. These girls prefer hands-on learning – which is why they’ll love the Mirror Game. Copy each other’s movements in bed: if you caress her breasts, she caresses your chest. If you kiss her neck, she kisses yours. This game provides the ultimate feedback loop, helping you understand exactly how she likes to be touched.

Have a sensational week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Sultry sights, naughty words or tantalizing touches? Now you know, so I hope you do your homework correctly.

“There is more to sex appeal than just measurements. I don’t need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain.” – Audrey Hepburn

Become a sex god with these risqué recipes. Remember, always garnish with a condom, chef’s orders.

‘Roll’ Play

Feeling hot? Better call out a nurse to help you fix that…

Method

Step 1: Invite your partner over to your place, or if you live together wait for her to arrive home. When she gets there, answer the door wearing only boxers and an unbuttoned shirt.

Step 2: Greet her by another name, like “Nurse Rose”. Tell her that you’re grateful that she’s come, and throw in something like, “My girlfriend is good with her hands, but she’s out of town…” She’ll soon catch on!

Step 3: Lead her to the bathroom which has already been prepared and is full of steam. When she looks inside, explain, “Oh, so that’s why I’ve been feeling so hot tonight.”

Step 4: When she turns around to feel the warm water in the tub, get your shirt off and lean against her, placing one hand under her skirt. Say something like, “I’ve heard you can only cure hotness with even greater one. What do you think?”

Step 5: Undress her and enjoy the steam!

Sensory smoothie

Playful moves to heighten her senses and tickle her goodies? Yes, please!

Method

Step 1: Get your partner to undress and lie down, then blindfold her with a silk scarf. Since she can’t see a thing, you’ll be able to capitalize on her heightened sense of touch.

Step 2: Begin by tantalizing her hot spots, alternating between using textured fabrics and a hairbrush. Slowly graze her nipples with lace, tickle her butt with satin and run the brush over her back, calves and thighs. Her body is your playground to explore, but her vaginal area is off-limits. You want to make her wait until she can no longer control herself.

Step 3: After lots of stroking, give one of her nipples a surprise with a block of ice (you can warm it up again by using your mouth). Now go back to teasing her with just the hairbrush, stroking her inner thighs.

Step 4: Finally, when you think she can’t stand it any longer, hop on top and have your way with her. It’s up to you whether or not she gets to keep her blindfold on.

Slap’n’tickle

Get naughty together with a tantalizing experience of S&M.

Method

Step 1: First, decide who’s going to be the spanker and who’ll be the spankee. Once you’ve picked, the spankee puts on a blindfold. If you’re the “leader”, remember that the goal here is to titillate and tease, not to get back at her for that time she told you she thought your best friend is hot. It’s important you treat her how you would like to be treated – before you know it, you’ll both be enjoying the seductive “pain”.

Step 2: Choose a safe word – something you can say to end the game if one of you starts to feel uncomfortable. Good examples are neutral words that don’t come up in everyday conversation – think “popcorn”. Don’t pick a phrase like “stop” or “that’s enough”, because it’s quite possible in kinky games like these that someone will say something like “No, no, babe, you’re killing me,” when what they mean is “Yes, oh baby, yes!”

Step 3: If you’re spanking, bend her over your knee and tell her she’s been a “very bad girl”. Slap her butt – the cheek, where it will make a satisfying sound, but won’t hurt too much – with the flat of your hand. Once she gets used to that, mix things up with a few gentle slaps with the hairbrush. Then, just when she’s expecting a wallop, tickle or stroke her with a feather duster.

Choc-mint tryst

Give her this oh-so sexy dessert to lick and she’ll be begging you for seconds

Method

Step 1: Heat up the chocolate in the bowl. Chocolate is a great sexy food because it boosts the release of endorphins (chemicals responsible for happiness). Coincidentally, when you orgasm the brain releases a nice rush of endorphins too, so you might as well get a head start.

Step 2: Take turns playing Picasso, painting each other where you’d most like to be licked. Splash that topping wherever you like (but don’t let it get inside her vagina – it could lead to a very uneasy case of thrush).

Step 3: Proceed to lick each other’s artwork, but prolong your pleasure and leave the genital areas for last.

Step 4: When you finally do give her that choc-job, slip a bit of mint into your mouth. It will help add a little zing to the oral experience.

Step 5: Whip out a wet wipe and slide it up and down her vaginal area, giving it a gentle twist as you go in order to stimulate a fingering session. Be sure she’s choc-free before you enter her, as you don’t want any topping around your penis either.

Have a delicious week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Make sure you gear up for this kind of ride in the sexpress lane – you don’t want to stop mid-action to start looking for the right props.

“The mistake the two of us made, I said, was that we skimped the foreplay. I’m not blaming you, it was as much my fault as yours, but it was a fault nonetheless.” – J. M. Coetzee

Orgasms. Unlike some of life’s greatest pleasures, you simply can’t have too much of a good thing. Orgasmic sex is one of those rare activities that’s both extremely pleasurable and healthy. Allow me to take you on an alphabetized tour of foreplay and getting off. An O-worthy odyssey starts here and it’s X-rated, obviously.

Asparagus

This spring veg has a hidden power: it can help both men and women reach orgasm. It contains folic acid, which boosts arousal and helps histamine production (essential for an orgasm).

Beauty

According to researchers from the Royal Edinburgh Hospital, regular orgasms give you a youthful glow. Their study found that couples who make love three times a week look seven years younger than their less satisfied counterparts.

Caffeine

If she’s not quite feeling it, you can help her get in the mood. Have a cup of warm tea with honey. The caffeine gives both of you extra energy so you won’t run out of steam, and the honey boosts testosterone level, which promotes orgasm in women.

Direct

If she can’t reach climax without clitoral stimulation, don’t be shy about asking your partner to show you how it’s done. Men find it incredibly arousing to see a woman pleasuring herself, and all the more so if you’re enjoying some action at the same time.

Experiment

The more you orgasm the easier it gets – but you need to keep mixing it up. So, think about it like this, whether it takes some “cliterature”, massage oil or a picture of Megan Fox, you owe it to yourself to do what you need to get in the zone and take your partner with you for the ride.

Faking

In research, almost all men say they’d be distressed to find out their partner didn’t orgasm regularly. So why have 60 per cent of women faked it at some point? Seeing the ecstasy they can give their partner is a huge part of sex for women. If you’re not sure her moaning was genuine, take her for a second run, she’ll silently (or not!) thank you for it.

Get to know her body

Use a mirror to see where her clitoris is. If it’s close to her vaginal opening, try it doggie style. If it’s tucked in between her pubic bone and vaginal opening, try missionary with a pillow under her bottom to puss it towards your pubic bone, or she can go on top, which stimulates a larger area.

Headaches

It’s a clichéd reason for avoiding sex, but an orgasm can be just what the doctor ordered. One study found that women’s pain tolerance increased by as much as 100 per cent after climax.

Involve her

There’s a wealth of toys available that aren’t designed to be enjoyed solo. The S-Wet Dual Control Egg offers G-spot and clitoral stimulation, but puts you in control of the device and the pleasure that comes with it, so get your head in the game!

Jump on top

The best orgasms are ones when all your senses are engaged. Studies have found that when she’s lying down all her buttons are pressed on, so climb on top for some guaranteed pleasure.

Know the facts

Only a quarter of women always climax during sex with a partner, compared with 90 per cent of men who claim to orgasm 100 per cent of the time. If climax through penetration doesn’t do it for her, make sure she still gets hers – whether she comes first or last is up to you.

Louboutins

Research has found wearing two-inch heels improves the strength of her pelvic-floor muscles, which in turn helps her orgasm. Why not ask her to keep them on for the main event?

Marilyn Monroe

If your orgasm quest is proving elusive, keep at it until she finally reaches what she wants. Marilyn Monroe reputedly didn’t have her first orgasm until she was in her thirties.

Numbers Game

Two docs set up an experiment monitoring how often people could orgasm. The most female orgasms recorded was 134 in an hour, which is just over two orgasms per minute! The most recorded in an hour for a man? Just 16. Poor things.

Oral

The ultimate prize in Orgasmville is a multiple- and oral is your best route. Flick your tongue around her clitoris while stimulating her inside with either your fingers or a vibrator. The dual sensation will make her fill up with pleasure. When she’s come the first time, let the waves subside for a couple of minutes. Then – just when you would usually be relaxing into a blissful sleep – start up over again. She’ll be sensitive from before, so go a little gently.

Practice

The body gets used to its route to orgasm – so masturbation without penetration can make an orgasm during sex tricky. Have her masturbate while you’re present and penetrate her while she’s doing it. Practice that way and you’ll find orgasming during sex easier.

Quickie

The CAT (coital alignment technique) position is a quick way to orgasm. Lie on top with your pubic region pressed against hers, so you can rock together. Instead of moving in and out, grind against her, which creates extra friction on her clitoris.

Relax

When she’s stressed about work, an orgasm is the last thing on her mind. Orgasms release stress, they up her heart rate, and blood rushes around her body. But when the tension is released, blood pressure falls and she’s left basking in the afterglow.

Self love

I’d gone several months without what I call a “big loud orgasm”. I was stressed and overworked, and just didn’t have the energy. So one afternoon I turned off my phone and settled in for some serious self love. The first orgasm was nice, but it took another round for me to get my full release. Taking time out for her orgasm is totally worth it.

Turn off the TV

Research has shown that couples who don’t have a TV in their bedroom have 50 per cent more sex than those who’ve got one overlooking the bed.

Understand her feelings

Women who are more in tune emotionally with their partners have more orgasms. To boost your emotional connection, spend quality time talking about your relationship. The more at ease you are with each other, the more relaxed you’ll be in the bedroom.

Vibrator

Gabi hadn’t achieved orgasm until I suggested a vibrating ring. It changed her life. “I had no idea that my clitoris wasn’t being stimulated during sex; I wasn’t even sure where my clitoris was.” Want to give it a go? Try one to target her clitoris directly.

Warmth

A study found that 30 per cent more women could orgasm if they kept their socks on. Er… sexy! This is a result of being comfortably warm, so blood circulates more easily.

Xxxx

Yep, that’s kissing (X is a tricky letter, OK?). Lips are 100 times more sensitive than the tips of your fingers.

Yogasm

Some yoga fanatics claim that, mid yoga session, they’ve experienced an orgasm triggered without any sort stimulation or touching involved.

Zeds

Orgasms are one of the very best sleep aids out there. It’s a full release of built-up tension. Plus, the brain releases chemicals that make you feel sleepy, too.

Have a splendid week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Reacquainting yourself with the alphabet, Gabrielle Moore style, is more fun than you would have thought, am I right?

Much is written about the importance of foreplay for a pleasurable sex life and it is certainly true that enough and the right kind of foreplay is crucial to a satisfying sexual encounter. However, it seems men and women have different ideas about what constitutes “enough” and the “right kind.” If you are a man who is trying to figure out the best way to use foreplay for please your woman and enhance your sexual experience, then read on!

Let me Tell You About a Thing Called Foreplay

What exactly is foreplay? It can be hard to define, just as sex itself can be hard to define. Generally foreplay is emotionally and physically intimate acts between lovers to increase sexual desire and arousal. Foreplay is a form of communication from one partner to another that they are interested in pursuing sexual activity. Foreplay can be verbal, physical or emotional and not only helps a person get in the mood for sex emotionally but helps get their body ready for sex physically.

Gentlemen, please don’t let confusion about foreplay keep you from working on your foreplay skills! The great thing about sex is that you can always learn and improve. Here are four tips about foreplay that are sure to help you drive your woman wild with desire:

Start Early and Don’t Quit

One very easy thing you can do to start your sweetie on the road to arousal is to put the idea in her head long before you see each other. Technology can provide a lot of help with this. Call or text her from work in the morning and tell her how sexy you think she is and how you can wait to see her that night. Throughout the day turn up the heat on your calls and texts by increasing the sexy talk. Tell her exactly what you would like to do to her when you get home. Women actually like to hear these things and it really turns them on. This is part of verbal foreplay.

Foreplay is More Than Touching Genitals

The entire body can be an erogenous zone. Think of the skin as one large sex organ. Run your fingers all over her body lightly. Look right in her eyes while you do this to really make that intimate connection.

Never Underestimate the Power of the Kiss

Unfortunately kissing is usually the first thing to go when couples have been together for a while. The truth is, kissing is HOT. Women loved to be kissed. Slow deep kisses. Kissing is an important part of foreplay and not enough attention is paid to it. Take her in your arms and kiss her. Spend some time on the couch just making out. While you are kissing her slowly rub your hands up and down her body. Kiss her during intercourse as well. Kiss her for a while after sex is over. The lips have over 10,000 nerve endings which is a big part of what makes kissing such a pleasurable and intimate act. Never underestimate what a turn on kissing can be.

How Long is Long Enough?

Much is made over how much time a couple needs to take with foreplay before moving on to the main event. Recent research indicates that both men and women are physically ready for intercourse after about 10 minutes of foreplay. However, women may need more time to be mentally or emotionally ready. A lot of women want more time simply because being touched and kissed feels good. The more they are touched the more the anticipation and desire grows. Try taking some extra time before intercourse. Touch her longer. If she is used to a quick few minutes of foreplay which is usually just a tool to get to penetration, she will be pleasantly surprised to find you spending a lot of time on her pleasure.

One thing about foreplay is that it helps break the sexual experience into categories. Foreplay, intercourse and after play or resolution. This tends to make people be preoccupied with each part instead of seeing it all as one incredible sexual experience that flows naturally. If you can let it all flow then you are more likely to get more from your sexual encounter and so is your partner.

Try seeing the beauty and potential in foreplay instead of the mystery and you will have taken an important step down the path to giving your sweetie hours of sexual pleasure.

“Sex without foreplay is like a song’s reff without intro.”- Toba Beta

She’s oh-so-carefully shaved her legs and replaced her greying undies with black lacies. Dinner and two glasses of wine later, she’s ready to GO. But don’t assume that just because you’re in her company, her house or even her bed, she’ll make the first move and aknowledge in front of you that she wants you and she’s ready to get down and heavy.

A truly great foreplay for a woman starts with the man showing her he wants her. After years of exercising my right to demand info from women about sex, I’ve noticed one common denominator: whether you’ve been together for a week or a decade, girls consistenly say the key to a great sex start is enthusiasm.

Here, I give you the lowdown on the best ways to send her shag-me signals and create the basis for truly amazing foreplay.

1. Make a move… but do it creatively

Guys are more often the ones to suggest sex. You’re always eager to try your luck, which is great, cause more often than not women are actually waiting for you to take the lead. But if you truly want to arouse her, surprise her with your sexual assertiveness by taking control in a more creative way than the usual.
• Ambush her. When you see each other at the end of the day, grab her by the waistband and pull her through the front door like you’ve been waiting for her for hours. Your enthusiasm will please her even more and make her more likely to accept sex even though she just came from work.
• Before any action begins, take charge by helping her take her clothes off. Usually, when a mutual agreement for sex happens, both you and your partner strip in your own little corner of the bed, and hug later, when you’re already naked. By helping her undress, you’re showing her that you can’t wait for her to do it and you’re more than eager to lend a helping hand. Also, you can leave a piece of clothing on, like her skirt or her shoes, so she can see your couldn’t-wait-to-get-it-on urgency. Trust me, she’ll love it.
• Seduce her when she leasts expects it: when she’s doing the dishes, cooking or reading a book. Thus you’re subtly letting her know you want her badly. Every. Single. Minute.
• „You make me so hot my skin wants to melt, baby” sounds more cheesy than believable, but there are other ways to tell her how much you want her, minus the porno-talk. For example, be blunt and send her a signal she won’t misinterpret. If you can’t put it into words, show her: gently grab the muscles of her legs while giving her oral, to show her how into it you are and how hard she turns you on.

2. Be in the moment. Become the moment.

Being there in body isn’t enough during sex; you must keep your mind on the job, too. How do you do that? You won’t believe how incredibly simple it is. Just read on to find out.
• Maintain your erotic mindset. It’s true, women are more prone to distraction than men, so staying in the moment can be a challenge for them, but men can also get distracted and miss the chance of great sex. When you have a lot on your mind (like what to give her for her birthday, that email you forgot to send or an overdue electricity bill), you need to clear out a mental path so that you can experience ultimate sexual satisfaction. Focus on sensations pre-sex, by having a bubble bath with scented candles or rubbing moisturiser all over her naked body (with the promise that she’ll return the favor afterwards), so you can both de-stress and forget about your problems. This calms you and increases arousal. Also, eliminate any distractions by turning off your phone, TV and computer. Putting sultry music will also help you relax into it. My suggestion? Try Café del Mar.
• Not all sex needs to be spontaneous; you can take specific steps to work yourself and her into the mood. Prime yourselves by reading erotic fiction aloud, to each other, or by watching a soft-porn movie, to learn more moves or simply have fun at how fake it all seems from behind the TV screen.

3. Flick her primal sex switch

Men get turned on by visual stimuli, but new studies have found that women are becoming more and more visually interested as well. That way they can see their partner’s enthusiasm and feel better about the sexual encounter.
• The link between what people see and sexual arousal is an evolutionary holdover from prehistoric times. Even though romance has come a long way since cavemen mating, both mend and women still respond foremost to a visual thrill; position a mirror next to the bed. Watching yourselves in action will turn both of you on.
• Turn her around and kiss her while you’re doing it doggy-style. When she can’t see your face, she can’t be sure about how you feel; turning her head for a kiss will reassure her.
• Smile and maintain eye contact. It’s one of the best ways to convey that you’re having fun, but you’re also emotionally connected. Also, make noise. Most men keep quiet in the sack and expect their partners to ensure the soundtrack, which leaves most women wondering if they’re doing something wrong.

Have a sensual week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Suggest giving foreplay more time. It relays that you want to prolong sex, and she’ll appreciate it.

Foreplay can be difficult for any couple, especially when you and your lover spend most of the day apart… but in this digital age there are so many options for staying connected, there is no excuse not to get her fires burning before you get home for the night.

Foreplay is all about setting the stage, building anticipation and preparing the body for an ecstatic experience. You have several options for staying in touch without even being in the same city, let alone the same room. Take some time on your lunch break to turn her on with these simple stay-connected techniques!

Old Fashioned Phone Call

Even if you can’t spend your hours at work tied to the computer sending naughty notes and explicit emails to your lover, there has to be a moment or two when you can step aside and give her a ring on the phone. You don’t even have to talk dirty! Come up with a few code words for telling her that you’re thinking about her and feeling excited about getting home to her. Sometimes knowing that you are thinking about getting sexy together later is all she needs to start thinking sexy thoughts herself. Tell her that she’s beautiful and you can’t wait to see her again. Tell her how much you love her… and mean it!

Email

If you have access to unmonitored email at work or from your phone, sending a little love letter on your lunch break might be just the way to get her in the mood for an evening affair. Do you want your message to be romantic, sexy, or somewhere in between? What exactly do you want to convey? How would you like her to feel – loved, desired, intrigued? You can tell her all the things you love about her or are grateful for in her. You can make a list of all the very sexy things you are looking forward to doing with her. You can give her instructions for how she can get ready for a special evening with you before you arrive home. You can even use email to start some conversations about sex and kink that you might not have the confidence to begin in person. In fact, email is a great way to fill out a Fetish Checklist together! Why not get started today?

Texting / Live Chat

Texting or online continuous chat programs can be great when the conversation is getting hot and steamy. Getting each other worked up with some sexy banter back and forth builds anticipation and can also give you the chance to try out some new dirty talk that might make you too nervous to try in person. It is a great place to play out fantasies that you wouldn’t be able to try in real life, either due to physical limitations (not everyone is actually capable of slamming a woman against a wall and taking her then and there!) or just the fact that intricate sex marathons take a lot more work to execute than it may seem from dirty movies!

Webcam

Speaking of dirty movies… webcam is an excellent tool for sharing some intimate time together when you are divided by space. Even if you aren’t able to get naked at the office for your lover, you might be able to watch her at home. Do you want to see her masturbate to your latest sexy email? Or watch her do housework in the nude? Might she enjoy seeing your handsome face midway through the day, just to remember your smile and the sparkle in your eye? Perhaps she wants to see that devious look you get when you talk to her about your deliciously dirty plans for the night.

If the webcam isn’t an option, try encouraging her to take a dirty photo or two and send them your way. Start with something simple – a photo of her sexy smile, an image of her shoulder, her belly, her thighs. Allow her to set the pace and tone, flirty or dirty, or somewhere in between. Just be careful where you are (and who’s looking) when you check your email or text messages next!

Teledildonics

The real long-distance flirting of the future, teledildonics allows a user to control a pleasure device remotely over the internet. Things like the Real Touch and the Mojowijo could give you the ability to really reach out and touch her from afar.

As partner and lovers, one of the most important things we can do with our lives together is spend time exploring our boundaries to nurture and expand the intimacy that we share with our partner. Relationships are risky, challenging, even scary. But “getting to know” someone doesn’t stop as soon as you are married. It goes on for your lifetime together as you each grow and change as individuals.

In Staci Newmahr’s amazing book about kinky American communities, “Playing on the Edge” she defines five aspects of boundary exploration that takes place in these relationships which create an excellent framework for exploring your relationship as well, kinky, “vanilla” or otherwise.

Ethical vs Unethical

In order to share a meaningful life with someone, it is important to have common goals, ethics and moral values. It may not seem sexy at first, but talking about what sex means and what your boundaries are in regards to fidelity and flirting, sexual experimentation, sexual morals and overall life goals gives you the information you need to ensure that as you and your wife grow as individuals, you do so together, entwined in passion.

What goals do you share, sexual or not? What skills do you have, shared and as individuals, that will help you to reach these goals? What bad habits do you practice which could hinder your progress?

Consciousness/Unconsciousness

Bad habits are manifestations of the unconscious and subconscious minds, personal and collective. The way to make positive, lasting change in your relationship is by making conscious choices, looking at your behavior objectively and communicate effectively.

Exploring the subconscious mind can be tricky business, but as experienced pick up artists will tell you, understanding a woman’s subconscious desires is the very best way to learn foreplay techniques and get your lovely lady in the mood for you. And what is the easiest way to understand her subconscious? The answer to that lies in guiding her exploration!

Talk about your fantasies and encourage her to explore hers in depth, not just those which are explicitly sexual, but all her dreams and desires. What does she want out of life? What fantasies does she sometimes explore that she wouldn’t really do – skydiving, learning French, writing a novel? Could you encourage her to pursue any of these other fantasies along with her sexual desires? What conscious changes can you make in your life to help nurture you and your lover towards your shared dreams and goals?

Temporary/Permanent

Changes don’t have to be forever! Sometimes change need only be temporary in order to be effective. A quick detox or genetic reset diet, a week of non-stop sex, a weekend away somewhere beautiful, or even just a night out on the town. These temporary changes allow you to experience something different and novel, to shock your system into feeling something new and interesting.

Temporary changes can also be part of role playing or other fantasy exploration. In order to feel safe and take certain “risks” in our sexual experience, it’s important to create a container for your play. These can be very specific rules, safe words, general guidelines, themes, costumes, anything that you might use to change the mood or create a suspension of disbelief and allow you to be someone else, if only for a few moments.

On the other hand, you may wish to make some permanent changes in your life. While permanent changes needn’t be tended to obsessively, maintaining some regular daily practices can help you to create changes in your life ranging from simple to complex and difficult.

Consent/Nonconsent

Sometimes in our exploration, the line between consent and nonconsent can become thin and difficult to see. This is what makes negotiation so important. Have you ever initiated sex or even just with your partner while she was still asleep? This may seem benign for a couple that has been together for many years, but it does skirt the edge of this line. Talk about your boundaries. Work through your issues. Stretch your understanding of each other and learn to negotiate.

Life/Death

After all is said and done, all sex is about life and death, creation and destruction. The French even call orgasm “the little death” in reference to the ecstatic moment of release. What do you wish to create with your lovemaking? What walls are you willing to bring down and what boundaries are you willing to cross in order to seek out new experiences with your lover?

Face each day knowing that it could be your last. Enjoy your time together and revel in the pleasures you can give each other, small and great.