You might think that it would be easy to convince someone to lay down and allow you to rub their naked body with warm, soothing or stimulating oils. Of course, this isn’t always the case, is it? You know as well as I do that some days the last thing we want to do is have to worry about getting oil stains on the sheets, keeping the kids out of the room, cleaning the pet hair that clings to everything before getting started, or just turning off the TV for that matter.

So what is a sex-starved couple to do?

Pop Your Personal Bubble

Want to encourage more touch in your relationship? Do it! Let your physical boundaries soften and get “touchy feely” with your lover. What kind of thoughts does that phrase conjure for you? It is often used by those uncomfortable with the idea of touch to disparage the physical closeness and emotional openess often displayed by those in the early stages of love. How do you feel about touch?

For many men, especially those discouraged from affectionate touch, the line between sexual touch and affectionate touch becomes blurred. They see every opportunity or invitation for touch with their lover as a sexual advance an attempt to influence the encounter accordingly. But all humans require affectionate touch. Touch free of sexual expectations is a necessary aspect of an intimate relationship and indeed every life. If you are missing out on this pure affectionate touch, sexual touch may in fact be not only undesirable but outright unpleasant!

Get out of your personal bubble and allow yourself to use casual touch in your day-to-day interactions with your wife. You might find that when you allow yourself to brush her hair, touch her chin, hold her hand, stroke her arm, grab her waist, or rub her legs and feet, that  your need for touch isn’t entirely sexual either. We all crave these kinds of affirmations and connections with each other.

People who have regular, loving, affectionate touch live longer and happier lives… just like people who have more regular sex! Coincidence?

Get Your Rub On

Ifyou want more hands-on time with your lover, don’t make such a big deal of the “erotic” part of erotic massage. When you pass by her hunched over the table hard at work on something, give her shoulders and gently squeeze, and if she responds well you can continue for a minute or three with a gentle shoulder massage. When you are sitting next to each other on the couch after dinner, offer to rub her tired feet. Use a touch of coconut oil for lotion if she wants it, but don’t make it messy if that’ll spoil the mood. The point here is to get here interested in touch without introducing the complications of sex, mess, or privacy from the kids and the cats.

You can suggest a deeper and more relaxing massage at just the right moments to help encourage the more erotic elements, but don’t overdo it. Offer to rub her back when you’re in bed at night, but don’t worry to much about breaking out the oils just yet. If you have been rubbing her feet, rub her legs too. Do whatever you can to begin to show her that you want to help her relax in a low-pressure environment. As questions, get feedback. Find out what parts of her body are feeling tense and tight, so you can focus on that specific area. Make sure you aren’t massaging to deep or hard, or too lightly either.

Sensual Elements

If you’re ditching the scented candles, massage oils and gentle music for now, see what you can do to get creative in implementing other sensual elements! Put on a bit of nice cologne or aphrodisiac oil on your own body beforehand to help spice up the scents, but don’t use too much. Be subtle! Whisper sweet nothings into her ear as you rub her down. Talk about what you are grateful for and use the opportunity as a door to mindfulness. Talk about your day and ask her about hers… just don’t let the silence become the loudest thing in the room, and don’t start talking about sex.

Let her set the pace. If you have been giving her massages and she has yet to make a move to reciprocate, see if you can entice her to rub your temples when you have a headache or your feet after a long day. Be sure you are clean first! If you create a regular routine of sharing this kind of affectionate touch, you give her just as much opportunity to initiate the erotic elements as you.  See where it leads you!

“When you touch a body, you touch the whole person, the intellect, the spirit, and the emotions.”- Jane Harrington

We dispose of 1800 cm² of skin which abounds in receptive nerves. We should learn to play with the power of touch more often, explore each other’s sexual geography. The fingertips and the lips should become the messengers of sensuality and softness. The receptive nerves- true capsules of voluptuousness- can give birth to innumerable sensations. We just have to know when, how and how much to provoke the skin with fleeting caresses.

Every time I’m asked about the secret of a really good erotic massage, I always say this: you have to be present. In order to milk it of all its possible advantages, you have to abandon yourself in the act of performing the massage. This way you’ll regain the primitivism of sensations, the spontaneity of gestures, and your very own creativity in the matter.

If you want to surprise your girlfriend or wife when she comes home tired from work, you can choose from these two massage types- Thai and oriental- which I’ll describe in the following paragraphs. All you need is patience and love. I bet the whole thing will end with a happy finish for you too.

1) Thai erotic massage: a flow of relaxation

This extremely sensual massage frees her from tension and allows her to feel her body on a deeper level. A sine qua non condition before you start: this massage should follow a fairly precise protocol.

Start by massaging her feet vaults, in order to free the energetic circuits. Then, massage her whole body with the help of warm massage oil. Use soft and tender movements, barely caressing her skin, barely pushing with your palms against her skin. Her calves, her knees, her thighs, go all the way up. Using regular, fluid rhythm, no pression should break the swaying the movements imprinted. Abdomen, arms, hands, marry her contour with yours, in order to disperse the energy all over her body (and yours, for that matter!).

Don’t forget about her bum, it should deserve special attention, since it’s rarely massaged as it should be, slapping being about the only method of “touching” it enjoys. The effect is totally guaranteed. A wave of relaxation will voluptuously encompass her.

2) Oriental erotic massage: a flow of beauty

In Oriental countries and in the tradition of their magnificent spas, the woman cultivates her beauty away from indiscrete peeks. The hammam rituals are exquisite and extremely relaxing. If you really want to connect with her on all levels, offer to give her an oriental massage that will nourish both her inner beauty and her sexual drive.

Start with a little sweating, in order to clean both the body and the soul. Turn the heat on in the bathroom; pour hot water in the bathtub, a few drops of eucalyptus oil (it has purifying effects) and almond oil (it nourishes the skin), then have her soak up. Caress her face with the help of a honey and milk mask. After she’s done bathing, massage her with rosewater oil using languid, methodical and precise movements.

Little extra tricks

• Pick a calm room. It should be neither too hot, nor too cold. Create a relaxing ambiance with dim lights, candles, New Age music and incense.
• Avoid massaging her on a bed that is too soft. She’ll tend to get lost in the pillows. Opt for a gym rug or directly on the mattress.
• Don’t dry massage her. Use a lotion, oil or cream every time. The ideal duration of a massage session is of ten minutes for every body part.

Why is it so good?

When we’re on the receiving end of a massage, erotic more so, our hypophysis starts working and secretes two types of hormones: endorphins, which have the same virtues as morphine and can send us to seventh heaven, and oxytocins, which slow down our cardiac rhythm and make us more Zen. Also, it relaxes our muscles, so why not give it a try?

Have a gorgeously sexy week-end,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. If you show her yours, she’ll show you hers, so offer her a nice massage and be sure she’ll respond with the same treatment.

“Massage is the study of anatomy in Braille”- Jack Meagher

What do women want, really? It’s not boxes loaded with chocolate, it’s not being romanced under the moon, and it’s not diamonds as big as a pigeon’s egg. It’s simpler than that. It’s a day at a spa. Seriously, ask anyone. They love being spoilt with massages, beauty treatments and relaxation tools.

I’ve taken a peek on the titillating massages moves that spas around the world are using so that you can learn to try them at home with the help of basic, step-by-step instructions. Turn your bedroom into a sexy spa and she’ll be yours before you even get the chance to put some oil on your hands.

The lap massage

Indian women have this trick up their sleeves, one that’s been with them for ages: whenever they want to relieve someone from stress (particularly from the neck up), they perform a scalp massage. And since women tend to carry tension above their shoulders, it’s an ideal fix for them. To boost the experience for both of you, place your girlfriend’s head in your lap so you can see her reaction to your touches. First, use your index fingers to press between her eyebrows. Then rub around her ears, where there are more than 300 pressure points, making it a prime erogenous zone. From there, massage your way up to the crown of her head. Now she can return the favor.

Pleasure packed breast rub

Thai massage therapists say your partner’s neck shouldn’t get all the love during a rubdown. Working on her chest (aka, boobies) increases blood flow, which helps boost the immune system. Start by drizzling lickable massage oil, like the Sensuous Sweet Touch raspberry kissable warming massage oil, $14.50 (www.sextoyfun.com) onto her skin, then place your palms next to each other facing upright, on one side of her breast, and slowly stroke upward using circular motions. Brush over her nipple with your thumbs (or your tongue). Continue to her shoulders, switching from palm to finger pressure. Repeat on the other side, then it’s your turn.

The bellow-the-belt press

A woman can get therapeutic benefits from loosening up her hip flexors (where the front of her upper thighs meets the hips). Hip flexors lose flexibility from sitting for long periods of time, so if she’s an office geek, she’ll appreciate this massage even more, since it’s both arousing and healthy. Rub massage oil into your hands and knead her hip flexors in a clockwise circular motion. Once her muscles feel more pliable, increase the pressure and trace circles toward the extra-sensitive groin area. After she’s been moaning in pleasure for a while, switch places so she can do you.

The down-under massage

The glutes (the muscles in her buttocks) and lumbar spine (the lower vertebrae that support her lower back) can house a lot of muscle tension and stress, but they are often neglected- even though they can handle deep pressure. Lie her face down and kneel over her, straddling the back of her thighs. Then make like a cat, walking your hands palm by palm down either side of her spine and into each bum cheek. Apply some sweet almond oil and use the heel of your palm (one hand at a time) to work in small circles along the contours of her back and bum. Once you’ve warmed up the muscles, use your fists to pummel gently into the fleshy areas, for at least eight minutes on each cheek.

Titillating towel spank

For ages, Russian spa goers have sworn by flogging to boost circulation and flush out toxins. There, you would get lashed with branches, but you can make do in your home by using a warm, damp towel. Dip a hand towel in lukewarm water, wring it out, then pop it in the microwave for 30 seconds (it shouldn’t feel scalding to the touch). Tell your girlfriend to stand with her back to you (and make sure there are no mirrors around). That way, she won’t know what areas of her body you’re going to hit each time, which ups the thrill of the whole thing for both of you. Twist the towel, then grab both ends. Release one end of the towel, and gently whip it a few times over her legs and arms, then move to the small of her back and, of course, her butt. Now let her do it to you. I challenge you not to end up in fits of laughter by the end of it.

Have a sensual week,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. Go shopping for creams, candles, scented oils, all that you’d need for creating the most romantic atmosphere. That way she’ll really feel spoiled and loved.