It’s been a long day. You can tell the moment she walks in the door that your partner has had a tough one. It’s written all over her face. She has that look, as if to say, “you won’t believe what I’ve had to deal with today.” You might have been hoping to relieve a little bit of the day’s stress with sex, but you probably already know that the second you lay your hands on your partner, she’s going to peel your hand away and say, “not tonight, honey. Sorry, but I’m really not in the mood.”
It’s a tough situation because you know as well as I do that sex is fantastic way to fight off stress, but how do you get your partner on board when she says she’s just not in the mood? You shouldn’t press the issue because that will only lead to an argument and hurt feelings. So, what do you do? First, forget about sex. Instead, think about relieving your partner’s stress in another way that she IS in the mood for. What’s the benefit here? She will appreciate the sweet gesture and it might even make her want to have sex in the end.
I’m talking about using the art of erotic massage to relax and pleasure your partner. Your end goal shouldn’t be having sex, but you should definitely be ready for your partner to open herself up to you. It’s often one of the many amazing side effects of a great erotic massage.
Here’s what you need to know in order to give her an amazing erotic back massage:
* Make sure she doesn’t see this as a ploy to get her to have sex, but instead as a nice gesture to help her relax and feel good after a long, hard day.
* Use just the right amount of pressure. Men have stronger hands than women and they also tend to use way too much pressure when it comes to giving a massage. This isn’t a deep tissue massage. If she wants that, she can go to the local spa. You want to use enough pressure so that you can feel her muscles moving under your hands, but not so much that she is squirming, cringing or tensing up. When in doubt, you can ask her if she would like more or less pressure.
* Go s-l-o-w-l-y. Going too fast will not relax your partner, it might even make them feel rushed and nervous. This is about pleasure, so take it slow and sensual.
* Use a nice massage oil. It feels better when your hands slide easily over her skin, so choose a nice, light, good-smelling massage oil.
* Avoid massaging over joints and bones. Women in particular might have thin muscle tissue covering these areas and therefore putting too much pressure on them will be uncomfortable or even painful.
* Do your research. A great way to learn how to give the best massages is by observing a professional at work. You could either take an amateur massage class or even get a massage yourself, but pay close attention to the techniques your masseuse uses.
* The majority of people carry their tension in their shoulders. This is an important area to focus on. First take both shoulders in your hands and use your thumbs to push down. You can also use your forearms to press down on her shoulder with your palm facing up. Use your body weight to press down while rotating your arm inward toward her neck. Another great trick is to use a tennis ball to massage sensitive areas of the shoulders and to get knots out.
* The lower back in another important area to focus on. Many women carry a lot of tension and pain in their lower backs. Use the heels of your hands and your body weight to rub the lower back from the spine to hip. Rub the often tense muscles that surround the hips.
* You’ll also need to focus some of your attention on your partner’s neck. When she is in a sitting position, place your hand at the back of her neck and then slowly apply pressure with your fingertips. Remember that this can be a particularly sore area, so going slow is especially important so that you don’t hurt her.
* To really start to send tingling sensations throughout her body, give her a scalp massage by rubbing the tips of your fingers over her scalp. This is one of the little-known erogenous zones.
* At the end of the massage, just like when you’re working out at the gym, you should do a cool down. This is when things can start to get sexual, but make sure that you are reading her cues correctly. Start stroking her back and body more lightly and begin doing long and slow strokes all the way up and down her back, over her butt and thighs.