“Once the buttons are undone, you know how it will all end. It’s all in the game, there are no miracles.” – Gao Xingjian
There’s only one thing that can soup up your sex life: it’s either a) a pleasure-seeking centaur woman named Xena-the-sex-addict, who roams the land eating oysters for breakfast, or b) you. If you said “a”, congratulations, you’re the one lucky guy in a million. But if you said “b”, you’re correct! You have to rig up those bedroom fireworks by yourself. Well, almost by yourself. Because I’m here to lend a helping hand as well – and like a sex-connaiseur superhero who travels the globe in online form, it’s my job to save the say. Or night.
Sex is most fulfilling when you have an open dialogue with your partner – but I know actually starting that conversation is easier said than… said. So, to give you a superior leg over, here are four questions to ask your lover. Clear your schedule, is question time in the bedroom!
1) What’s on your rider? Britney Spears has Doritos and chicken wings on hers, but you get one too. What’s on your sexual rider? Condoms, lube, exclusivity, handcuffs? Discuss who’s bringing what to the table. Everyone’s definition of a committed relationship and birth control differs, so make sure you’re on the same page to avoid being left high, dry and disappointed.
2) What boils your potatoes? It’s amazing how hard it is for people to be honest about their fantasies. But brainstorming them with your partner is better than just springing one on her in the bedroom. Be open to her thoughts, too. Discuss what you’re game for, or any baby steps you might require. Remember, though, boundaries aren’t just for fences – only do what you’re both down with.
3) Who’s behind you? Most people’s sexual past reads like a Dickens novel: skeletons, ghosts, mysteries! You don’t have to know where, when and who with, but it’s wise to share the basic details of your history. Remember that when you have sex with someone, you are also having sex with everyone they’ve had sex with – like a giant orgy. If you’re not comfortable enough with her to have a chinwag about STIs, you shouldn’t put your hot dog in her microwave unless it’s under hooded protection.
4) How’s your schedule? It’s not unromantic to pencil her in – it’s ingenious. Would you ever go on holiday without planning ahead? Even fun times need a blueprint. That way, you’ll know what’s looming. Think of it like claiming a tax refund – have the fun is imagining how you’ll spend it.
Now that you have an arsenal of stimulating questions, go forth and use them wisely. Because it’s your sex life; if the fireworks are fizzling, the onus is on you to turn that sucker around. And may the honest chitchat and mind-blowing pyrotechnics be with you! Virtual superhero, over and out.
Have a hot week,
P.S. Don’t be the only one asking all the questions. Encourage your partner to follow your lead by ensuring her you’ll be just as supportive and understanding of her needs as she is of yours.