Sex. When it’s good, it’s good, and when it’s great, it’s unforgettable. Many couples register ‘great sex’ as the first time they pushed their boundaries. Why it’s important to do that? Because, according to experts, sexual passion and arousal are particularly prone to a phenomenon called “hedonic adaptation”, aka, feeling a bit business-as-usual between the sheets. If this is your case, it’s time you tried something different tonight.
Put on a show
When Dr Ogi Ogas, a cognitive neuroscientist and co-author of A Billion Wicked Thoughts, analysed the online behaviour of more than 100 million people, he found that while male fantasies focused on orgasm, female fantasies centered on being the object of desire. “Top female fantasies include being watched, being worshipped, and having sex with a stranger,” says Dr Ogas. To recreate this type of scenario, try renting a hotel room or, if that’s not feasible, try some role-playing (say, pretending you don’t know her at the bar) – it can be surprisingly hot. Not into acting? Opening the windows and imagining anyone can hear yourselves moan can satisfy your inner exhibitionists.
Spank her for good fun
If you’re both game to adding a little BDSM action into the bedroom, start with a saucy game like this one: ‘bind’ your partner’s wrists with tissue (she knows she can break out, but she can appreciate the mental game), and have your way with her. Be careful though, because this type of sex can be so intense in real life, foreplay is key here. The more planning involved, the better. Check out a website of erotic fantasy stories (there are a lot of those online), and send your partner a link to one that turns you on. A story can be a great icebreaker for discussing what does and doesn’t get you both in the mood, plus you can use it as a springboard to discuss what would happen if both of you were the main characters.
An entire afternoon of all-about-her action should be a regular on the calendar, if you want your partner to be satisfied, that is. One study found that women are most likely to orgasm from a variety of sexual acts, including oral sex, than they are from just intercourse alone. Plus, some women have trouble finding the time they need, and deserve, for pleasure, while most men love to please women sexually, but may require direction. One way to solve this thorny issue? Add a little bit of competition to the whole thing. Say you think you can make her climax two times in an hour – she’ll be more than happy to let you try and prove your prowess.
According to a 2013 survey of more than 5,000 people around the world, nearly one in five has tried a threesome. But there’s a reason they haven’t replaced your Saturday date night: because even though they can be exciting, they do get complicated. A successful threesome requires a lot of communication, trust, understanding and emotional maturity. That said, the fantasy can be safely played out between two people. Feathers can add additional sensations as you are penetrating your partner, or you can try the JimmyJane Hello Touch Wearable Vibrator, which slips on your hand while each finger is covered with a vibrating pad that produces sensation. Part of the appeal of a threesome is also the fact that you feel someone is watching; so doing it in front of a mirror or getting it on while porn is playing in the background can also produce a similar feeling.
Wet and wild
Always wanted to have sex in the sea? I get it, but it’s not that great of an idea. Sand, bacteria and condom breakdown are all good reasons not to try this scenario out in real life. Unless of course you’re in a committed relationship and using other forms of birth control. But different sensations are at play here, a lot of which can be recreated on dry land. A warming or cooling lube used during foreplay creates a slippery sensation. If there’s room for two in the bath (if you’re using condoms, avoid bubble baths or soaps as bath and shower gels can reduce condom efficacy), go on top while he uses the side of the tub to thrust; that combined with the weightless sensation in the water can make the position feel more intense than it would be in bed.
P.S. For more tips on how to spice up your sex life, check out my program on the matter – The Three Dimensional Lover.