mismatched libidoes

“I want more sex than my girlfriend”



“I want more sex than my girlfriend”

“… We were long distance, and now that we’re in the same city, I’d like it three times a day. She countered with once on weekdays and twice on weekends, but somehow it isn’t enough for me and I’m disappointed. Now she’s self-conscious that her sex drive is low and that we aren’t sexually compatible. What can I do?”

Never schedule sex

Sex should be fun and spontaneous, and your partner can’t promise that she is going to be in the mood when she’s just not. You could try sexting; you can have that foreplay all day, and then when you see each other, you’re excited and she’s excited and you can do all of the things you talked about. But don’t force your partner to compromise on what she wants or doesn’t want. Sometimes when women are trying to please a guy, they forget about themselves. You can try to meet her halfway, but don’t force her to do something she’s not into. It’s not worth it. You could ruin your entire relationship.

Find a compromise

You don’t sound sexually incompatible in the least! Sex twice a day on weekends is pretty close to three times a day. She’s made a generous compromise and you can meet her in the middle (masturbating more frequently is one idea). But having a ‘how many times a day’ rule isn’t the best approach to a healthy sex life. Rather try to allow it to happen with fewer expectations.

Know the cardinal relationship rule

A partnership should never depend on the other person changing for you, and she shouldn’t feel obliged to have sex three times a day in order to maintain your shared bond. (And if anybody needs to give, it’s you – you’ll have a harder time finding what you’re looking for.) If you are not able to reach an agreeable compromise, all the communication and love in the world won’t change that. So you may need to accept her point of view as well or else she’ll move on to another guy.

Distinguish between reality and fantasy

Sex three times a day sounds passionate, at least in theory, but it’s amusingly impractical. Ask yourself how often did you really have sex in your past relationships? It will help you figure out whether you have a high sex drive or if this is just your fantasy. Either way, have sex when you both want to. Women are socialised to see sex as a duty they perform for their partners, and who wants something that’s a job rather than fun? It’s important to remember that sex isn’t just about making you happy; it’s about making your partner happy, too.

Don’t take it personally

Differences in sexual desire within couples are very common. Although it is hard to have your advances rejected repeatedly without taking it personally, you need to remind yourself that a partner’s lack of interest in sex just may not be about you, your attractiveness, or your qualities as a human being. It may be a matter of a hormone deficiency or other physiological problems—or feelings the person has about herself. Although you undoubtedly want things to change, try to develop a little empathy. Chances are, given the choice, she would prefer to feel turned on easily. It’s no picnic to feel disinterested in something your partner thrives on. She may feel inadequate, for example. The situation hurts you, but don’t underestimate how painful it is for your partner. Even if she acts defensively, your partner probably spends lots of time wondering why things aren’t easier between you. Try to be understanding.

Do something different

It’s time to try a new approach. First, back off for a while. No matter how attracted you might be to your partner or how ready you might be to make love, for a certain period of time you should commit to not approaching her. Do not initiate sex for a while and see what happens. Don’t talk about the plan; just back off and wait. Sometimes the lower-sexed person simply needs more time to allow her batteries to recharge. When the tug of war has ended, she might feel more amorous. It’s worth a shot. Or do a 180: Wouldn’t it just blow your partner’s mind if you were to tell her that you have been doing some reading and that you now have a better understanding about her feelings and you’re sorry about all the fighting? Think about it: Your partner has been making you feel like a sex maniac and you’ve been making her feel like a celibate. You’re convinced that you’re right, and she is convinced of the opposite. And where has all of it gotten you? I can’t guarantee that telling your partner that you understand her feelings better will make that person want to jump into bed, but I can tell you that making your partner “wrong” won’t do it.

Hot kisses,

Gabrielle Moore

P.S. For more hot tips on how to properly coordinate your libidoes, check out my video program on the subject – Flesh on Flesh.

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