Posts Tagged ‘resilient edge of resistance’

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Reaching the Resilient Edge of Resistance

I’ve written about the “resilient edge of resistance” before here, in the discussion of finger play, so I hope this in-depth look at a revolutionary touch technique will help you improve your touch across the board. Whether you are massaging, fingering, holding hands, or just brushing the hair from her eyes, learning to understand the boundaries of your touch will bring you closer to your lover in a whole new way.

The resilient edge of resistance, a term coined by Urban Tantra author Barbara Carrellas, defines the kind of touch that lies in that mysterious space between too much and not enough. Most men have only two settings when it comes to intimate skin-on-skin contact: touching, and not touching. By default, we are all usually set on “not touching” option. Why is it we find it so hard to initiate touch with the person we love the most? And when you are going to touch, don’t you want to make the most of the time you spend getting close? The quality of your touch is the defining moment of your foreplay. If you can’t make contact with her sexy side when you first try to touch her, you’ll never find your way to share ecstasy.

Your exercise today is going to help you evolve your sense of touch by exploring the layers of your lover’s body. Try identifying each of these six layers, getting feedback from your lover at each stage, being carefully not to press too deeply, or tickle too lightly. Don’t just use your fingers, but your entire hand including your palm. Like always, be sure your room is warm and you are both comfortable. You don’t have to be naked to practice this skill! Try this on her belly or her bum, her arm or tired feet. Anywhere works, as long as she’s comfortable!

Thin Air

The first layer of touch doesn’t even come in to contact with your lover’s physical body. As your hand grows closer to the surface of her skin, feel the sensation that alerts you to the proximity of her body. People can perceive this biomagnetic layer of the human body in different ways. Close your eyes and sense the heat, or the tingling, the shiver of anticipation before you touch her. Allow her to feel the warmth of your body getting ready to reach her. Touch on this level is intricate.

By a Hair

Move just a fraction closer and touch the tips of the hair on her body. This will be easier somewhere the body hair is obvious, like her arms or somewhere she typically shaves (after a few days without). You will find it more challenging on areas of her body where the hair is fine and difficult to discern. Progress from easier to more challenging areas of the body, and improve your fine sensation skills. Touch on this level is a tease!

Skin Deep

Where the hair meets the body, touch the skin with great care. Here you are most likely to tickle. Don’t press, but don’t stutter either. Skim over the surface of the skin like a skillful ice skater. Watch her reaction – some women will feel giggle at a light tickle and another might kick you! Be careful! Touch on this level is casual.

Subcutaneous

The layer of fat just beneath the skin (if your wife is sensitive, learn to say “subcutaneous” with ease), is what holds the skin on to the rest of the body. It is connective, and slides gently over the muscle. Touch on this level is friendly.

Made of Muscle

The muscles of the body are what make it work. Touch on this level can be soothing or stimulating, shallow or deep. We refer to muscle touch as massage and I always have lots to tell you about that! Hot stones can help loosen tight muscles before massage, so deep muscle kneading isn’t necessary. Touch on this level is intimate.

Hard as Bone

Below the muscular level lies bone, the foundation of the body. Holding her body by the bones – at her wrists, her elbows, her hips or her collarbone, for instance – provokes an air of dominance or extreme need. It can heighten the immediacy of an intimate moment, but it can also frighten if used inappropriately, or leave bruises if used for too long. Try it at the brink of orgasm, when you foreplay takes the leap to the next level. Give it a go and she how she feels! Touch at this level is urgent.

Making a connection

A Man’s Hands: Bringing Out the Best

He that would perfect his work must first sharpen his tools.
- Confucius

If your fingers are your key to playing your lover like an instrument, then you want them to be in the best shape possible, right? Well love, you’re in luck. I’ve got some great exercises here to give you the chance to improve on the four fronts of fingering skill: flexibility, strength, dexterity and sensitivity. Let’s get started, shall we?

Flexibility: Pull, Bend and Stretch

Range of motion is the important aspect of flexibility, which is defined by your ability to bend at the joints. For our purposes, the joints of the fingers, wrists and arms should move easily and with grace so you can get into poses and positions that will really rock her world. Don’t get carried away in your initial exploration with your wife, and be sure to stretch before you get started or you might pull a muscle!

Beginning with the fingers of one hand, try using the opposite palm to pull each of your digits gently backward, toward the arm. Do the same with a bend at the wrist, stretching gently back toward the forearm. Be sure to spend lots of time focusing on the stretch; yoga and standard upper body stretching routines are great for opening up the muscles and joints in the forearms, biceps, shoulders and chest.

Strength: Squeeze, Walking, Wring, Support

Strength, in a sense, isn’t just about the power behind each movement in the hand, but the stamina that allows the repetitive movement that is absolutely necessary to take your wife all the way to orgasm. There aren’t any actual muscles in the fingers themselves, but the fibers that do control these body parts need a lot of strength to pull this off.

There are four great movements that work together to improve overall hand and upper body strength. Starting again with the fingers, the action of squeezing and releasing the tension in the hand helps to build overall hand strength in both the fingers and the palm. You can use a walking motion, a la “Thing” from the Adams Family, to stretch and strengthen the individual fingers. The wringing motion of the wrists is a great move to build muscle, using a dry towel held in each hand and twisting. The final stretch exercise focuses on the arms, using push=ups or moves like the Downward Facing Dog in yoga to improve the overall fitness of the arms, chest and shoulder.

Dexterity: Lift & Flip

Dexterity is a skill that is really about precision, being able to isolate your movements. Can you place your palm flat on the table and lift your fingers one at a time? How about if you hold your hand out, palm facing you, and attempt to bend each finger in toward your wrist, one at a time, without moving the others?

You may recognize the best exercise for this purpose as a Vegas party trick, but it’s not just good for impressing women while sharing a cocktail! Practice flipping a coin (or something lighter, like a poker chip) first on the pads of your finger, “passing” it from one finger to the next by flipping it over. When you have mastered the pass palm up, switch to flipping the coin over your bent knuckles!

Sensitivity: Touch, Pressure, Layers

The sensitivity of the hand is primarily in the palm side of the skin, where the nerves are responsible for locating minute changes in texture, pressure and density. Try one exercise to focus on each! For texture, challenge yourself to find a hair or thread with your fingertip, while it hides between pieces of paper (tissue or telephone book quality), slowly increasing the number of pages until you can no longer feel the change.

The Resilient Edge of Resistance
Tackle pressure using a balloon or inflated ball to find “the resilient edge of resistance”. Described by Barbara Carellas in “Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the 21st Century”, this boundary is the space that lies between touch that is too light and touch that is too heavy. When your fingers just glide over the surface of the balloon, without affecting the shape at all, your touch is too light. Hold the balloon in the palm of your hand and begin to squeeze. There will come a point when the balloon stops being simply displaced by your hand, and begins to stretch. This stretching is the beginning of a touch that is too rough.

When you feel you have identified the resilient edge of resistance in the balloon, it’s time to move to a human being. Because most of our bodies aren’t inflated with gas, there is a density to them that we can sense when our touch is just right. Start by feeling the air above the skin, the tiny hairs that set off the nerves. Move to the skin, then the subcutaneous fat layer, then muscle and tendons, then bone. In the five touches, you can improve your sense of your wife’s body just holding her hand as you walk down the street.