“Passion is the quickest to develop, and the quickest to fade. Intimacy develops more slowly, and commitment more gradually still”- Robert Sternberg
An important outcome of having intimate sex is emotional safety. If you feel like your partner understands you and you understand her, you are more prone to showing your true feelings. And if you show your true feelings, closeness and intimacy on all levels is in your pocket.
But what is, really, intimacy? Most people seem to define intimacy as two people engaged in hot and passionate sex, or something very close to this. But the truth is the experience of physical connection between two people is only the culmination of all that is intimate between them. Intimacy is much more than that.
Intimacy is an attitude. It’s how you get along all the time, not only when you’re making love. It has to be continuous in order to be fulfilling, and if you truly want to enjoy great quality lovemaking, the hours outside the bedroom should be spent with the same degree of closeness.
Fortunately, achieving that is not impossible. I have a few tricks up my sleeve that I am willing to share with you. You can thank me later.
Exercises for opening to intimacy.
I call this: emotional workout for couples! What, did you think that bonding happens just like that, without any exterior influence? No, sir! There are plenty of things that you can do to strengthen your relationship. These exercises will help you become relaxed in the presence of each other, and attuned to your heart rhythms. They involve a lot of touching, because I think it has a really calming and soothing effect. Let’s get to work!
- Spooning. Lie on your sides with your legs bent so that you fit together like two spoons in a drawer. Once you are snuggled together, lie still, letting go of any tensions, and try not to talk or move too much. Breathe heavily and rhythmically and listen to your partner’s breathing at the same time. Close your eyes and imagine getting out of your own body, letting it sink into the bed. You’ll feel all warm and fuzzy inside. You can choose to spoon either fully clothed or in the nude, but refrain from sexual intercourse. This exercise is just meant to bring the two of you closer together.
- Eye to eye. Lie together on the bed, or whatever feels comfortable for you, and look into each other’s eyes. Don’t talk, just watch each other in silence. It might feel uneasy at first, you might be shy about it, or feel exposed, out in the open, but it’s a great exercise for really bonding on a subconscious level also. Doing this, you and your partner will soon rediscover the richness of your unspoken communication and the way your eyes speak to each other without uttering one single word.
- Intimate embrace. Sit with your back against a wall and have her put her head on your chest and wrap her arms around you. Share this embrace for ten minutes. Close your eyes, listen to each other’s breathing, feel each other’s warmth, feel your hearts beat. She can pass her fingers up and down your back, while you can stroke her shoulders, neck, face and hair. This exercise sends the message of being mutually taken care of, which is a great deal as far as intimacy is concerned.
- Pressure yourselves. Lie on your back on the bed and have your girlfriend or wife lower herself gradually on top of you, from head to toe. Don’t worry, it’s not uncomfortable, and it’s surprisingly efficient. Holding her whole body against yours, you’ll feel like you are in control, and she’ll feel like she can depends on you no matter what. The benefits are psychological, but also physical, because this position is extremely relaxing for the spine.
Have a solidly scrumptious week,
P.S. Sex is god for you, but sex with love is even better. Openness toward your partner leads to the most beneficial kind of sex that is.