“Marriage must fight constantly against a monster which devours everything: routine.” – Honoré de Balzac.
If your next-door neighbors can set their watches by your bedroom sessions, it’s time to snap out of your routine. It’s Thursday night, 11 pm. You’ve just had sex with the woman you love. You came, she came. So why a dissatisfied niggle? Turns out, you might have got too good at sex. In a relationship, you learn what you like and repeat that technique. But it’s a turn-off knowing exactly what’s on the menu. Here’s how to bring sexy back.
It’s in the air
Remember the non-stop sex when you met? In those first 18 months, you’re charged with hormones, which keeps sex at the top of the agenda. Then discussing who’s making dinner takes over who’s making who horny. To recapture sexy banter, saturate chats with flirty jokes and saucy suggestions, or interrupt a row with a smile and ‘I can’t wait to make out with you’. And invent a code word for sex, then use it when you’re not in a sexual situation.
Take it up a level: Make sexy bets, like ‘If England beat Australia in rugby, I’ll serve you ice cream in the nude”.
Have a sexy staycation
Ever noticed how your desire for sex goes into overdrive on holiday? This is partly because your stress level drops, so your libido rises, and partly because everyday distractions are removed, so you can focus on your partner. Recapture that holiday feeling at home by turning your bedroom into a bonk-busting boudoir. Tidy up any clutter, ban the TV and make your room sexy, reddish tones and lower-watt bulbs are most flattering to naked flesh.
Take it up a level: Bring some wine and fruit – like strawberries – to bed and stay there for 12 hours.
Make friends with fantasy
Most people thing that it’s up to their partner to turn them on. But think back on your first crush on a singer or actress. You were seduced by that person without ever meeting them. You turn yourself on. Sex becomes predictable because you have turned your imagination off. To reignite your passion, take five minutes to remain undisturbed, with your eyes closed. Fantasize about your partner – either new sexy situations or a hot memory. Next time you’re in bed together you will tune into these thoughts, leading to a steamier night.
Take it up a level: Tell her that you’re fantasizing – it will free her to do the same without feeling guilty.
It’s easy to get entrenched in a passive or dominant role. No matter how much you used to love it when you bent her over a chair, by the zillionth time it gets boring. This can mean you’re always responsible for initiating sex which puts unfair pressure on you, and if you’re not forthcoming, she’s frustrated. Overhaul your sex persona. Normally dominant? Act coy. Normally the shy one? Turn up the volume.
Take it up a level: If you don’t usually initiate, surprise her with a dinner date, then bring her home and suddenly seduce her skirt off.
Undress for success
One of the first rituals to be discarded is undressing each other. Foreplay starts long before you get in the sheets – so never unzip your pants yourself. To strip a woman in a dress, stand behind her. With both hands holding her shoulders, ease off her dress while kissing her neck. Now face her and, keeping eye contact, slip off her bra and take her panties off.
Take it up a level: Take a bath together or lather her up in the shower. Who knew washing was such fun?
Ban the bed
A major complaint I hear from couples is that sex takes place in the same place at the same time. If sex never changes its backdrop, you’re not adding any new images to your bank of sexy memories. Have a snug in an alley you walk past every day, seduce her as she cooks dinner, or have sex on the sofa as things get steamy during a DVD.
Take it up a level: Have sex on the stairs doggie-style – it’s as raunchy as doing it standing up, but without the height issues.
Have a steamy week,
P.S. Also, have sex in the morning, instead of in the evening. What better start of day can you possibly envision? For serious sex education and tips and tricks on how to make your sexual adventures even better than the fake ones you admire in porn, check out my program on the matter –Vagina Masterclass