“Anyone who is observant, who discovers the person they have always dreamed of, knows that sexual energy comes into play before sex even takes place. The greatest pleasure isn’t sex, but the passion with which it is practiced. When the passion is intense, then sex joins in to complete the dance, but it is never the principal aim.” – Paulo Coelho
Hit a Roger Federer-grade tennis point and you Instagram it. Beat your 10km running time and you Facebook it. Finally see what all the fuss is about with sex and you… don’t tell a soul. It’s time to give shyness the unfollow and start sharing sexual discoveries as well. And why? Because the more we know about each other’s sexcapades, the more we realize there’s not one way to enjoy being horizontal. Here, I reveal everything about what can make good sex even better. Get ready for those happy aftersex selfies!
Clitoral two-step
It sounds like something off Dancing With The Stars, but the clitoral two-step – that’s touching her clitoris, then stopping – can do things for your partner’s body that no rumba ever will. Take your fingers away from her clitoris two or three times to hold her off on coming. A longer build-up to orgasm beats a couple of seconds of actually orgasming. The reason the stop-start technique creates a bigger build-up (and release) is down to her vulva’s muscle memory. When the muscles, nerves and tendons experience pleasure from a particular type of technique, they’re triggered when that technique is felt again. For example, if you find stroking the left side of your partner’s clitoris gives most pleasure, the next time that the left side is stimulated it remembers the pleasure and intensifies it. On every restart, her muscles remember the feeling and build up even more pleasure. Which can mean a stronger orgasm when you finally decide to go all the way. High five for the pleasure pause.
Alternative oral fixes
The old oral involves going down, right? However, for some new and improved mouth time, I suggest raising the game… literally. If you lick her nipples while she’s on top, the chances of her orgasming during penetrative sex raise considerably. The reason nipple play can tip your partner over the edge is because having her nipples sucked stimulates the brain in the same way as her clitoris and vagina. It also releases oxytocin, which makes nipples go hard instantly. How? Oxytocin causes the muscles underneath the nipple to contract, pulling skin and creating that goosebump-like effect. With a bit more breast attention, oxytocin continues to be released – research in Archives of Sexual Behavior found the intensity of women’s orgasms increased with the amount of oxytocin in their blood. A rather lucky one per cent of women are thought to come purely as a result of stimulation to their nipples, known as the oxytocin pathway to orgasm.
The eye contact ban
Closing your eyes might transport you into Fantasyland (otherwise known as Eva Mendes’ bathtub), but it can seriously intensify the pleasure that you get from your real-life sex co-pilot. Being blindfolded during sex makes you so much more sensitive to anything that your partner does. Imagine the crescendo of your favorite TV drama, when your whole body is on alert for the twist that’s coming. It’s the same thing. Our eyes are such an important part of sex (eye contact, looking at your partner’s body) that when you are stripped of that sense you need to compensate. The whole feel of a partner’s touch becomes more intense; the sound of their breathing more erotic; the smell of their scent more powerful. Blocking sight really makes you appreciate all of the other crucial senses during intimacy. Just make sure that you grab a nice scarf for this sexcapade – not the crusty sock from under the bed.
The super-squeeze finish
Most of us know the “pre-finish”. That moment of mental paralysis that comes – just as you’re about to come – and makes you start to question, “Er, what if I don’t?” It’s Mortein for your mojo. But there’s an override. Instead of just focusing on finishing, you should tighten and release your penis muscles, focusing on how good that feels. It lets you concentrate on physical pleasure – rather than the mental block. You might just be part Jedi. Or even Yoda. And it’s true. Squeezing those muscles is a great distraction. While it won’t necessarily make it any easier to orgasm, it will increase pleasure. Plus, it’s a great way to tone them. And it’s the same with your partner as well. If she squeezes the muscles of her vagina, she increases sensation during orgasm, which leads to stronger, more powerful waves of pleasure. Here’s hoping you give good resting clench face.
Hot embraces,
Gabrielle Moore