It’s one thing to add new techniques to your arsenal when you’re single – you can use any number of women as your experimental guinea pigs to see what works and what doesn’t. But when you’ve been in a committed long-term relationship, it can be difficult to see outside your tunnel-vision lens.
Maybe you’ve been using the same foreplay moves for years and can’t see beyond those four tried-and-tired methods. Perhaps you can sense that your wife is going through the motions just as much as you are and you don’t know how to begin to approach her about it. Whatever the foreplay routine is, it’s time to break out of it.
Sure, change can be an intimidating thing. You might try something new and get a pretty unfavourable reaction from your spouse – she looks at you like you’ve lost your mind, she shies away and withdraws, or worse yet, she laughs.
Rejection from a lifelong partner can be a bitter pill to swallow. But until you start experimenting with new ways to liven things up in the bedroom, you’ll never make any progress.
It’s no surprise that many married couples admit to having less sex after they exchange vows. According to an article in the Mercury News , one in five couples are living in virtually “sexless” marriages, experts say, meaning having sex fewer than 10 times a year. And one-third of married couples struggle with the problem of mismatched sexual desire.
Does that mean that some people are just destined to have lousy sex lives? Absolutely not! It just means that husbands and wives need to be open to a little experimentation, trying things that they may not normally engage in.
There are a few ways to ease yourself into the unknown and catch your wife’s attention (in a good way) in the process.
It’s easy to get lackadaisical when it comes to making yourself all shiny and new for your partner. When you were dating, it made sense to keep up on basic hygiene as well as care about your appearance. And while one of the luxuries to having a long-term partner is being able to let yourself go every once in awhile, it’s important that we don’t lose complete sight of what makes us attractive.
I’m not going to tell you that showering, brushing your teeth, and shaving on a daily basis is non-negotiable. You know that by now. But maybe you haven’t been keeping up on haircuts, skincare or even manscaping (grooming down there – a big no-no). Perhaps there was a cologne or an after-shave that used to drive your wife wild during your courting days and it’s been gathering dust under the bathroom sink. And even though track pants and your university sweatshirt are the most comfortable articles of clothing you own, it wouldn’t hurt to put on actual pants and a tucked-in shirt every so often.
Think about how physically attracted you are to your wife. Maybe she’s slipped into complacency in matters of superficiality too – she goes longer in-between leg-shaving, she bums around the house in your old t-shirts and pulls her hair back into a messy ponytail. But if she suddenly went for a Brazilian bikini wax, wore a little ensemble that was unusually sexy or dabbed some Chanel behind her ears, your senses would undeniably perk up (as well as something else).